-in the name of Allah-

(may Allah grant my bro relief from his affliction, ameen)

Life is an exhausting journey, simply for the fact we may never know where it takes us. nonetheless, being the prone-to-sentimentality person that i am, i think a fitting good bye poem is in order..

seems like just yesterday i opened the vase of life only to find that it wasnt really full of roses and pansies like i'd once fancied, but rather its full to the brim with silk-cut contraptions whose appearance doesnt fade with time but whose liking can only grow more haphazard. you i knew once for a moment of life's trifles, but what a moment it was: one of my first glimpses into the beauty of humanity and the ever-present unbridled paradoxes it never ceases to let go of slowly. i have no regrets because i cannot take back the past so ill take joy in knowing thats its better to love and lost than never loved at all, though how often do so many decry and defame the very name known as love. who cares what one wishes to call it, its a cherished moment ill remember forever, as long as fate gives me breath tenuously tethered to the sacs of my lungs. new words and new impressions fail me as they usually do, i'd abandoned poetics to find me again and it seems i've once again reached truth. admittedly its hard to accept, but accept i will to let life take its course and take its thrill. reading over these words i sound ridiculously contrived, as if i couldnt compose a line to save a mere thousand invalid lives, much less my own thats struggling to find a voice of expression and being and action that follows its footsteps with doggedly determined air.
frivilous words, i mean to say through it all i will forever in some harbored part of the heart, care and never cease to do so as long as i'm human, though im prone to eccentricity and isolationist tendencies that provoke life-changing thought reminiscent of those locked in insanity. move on and let the threads of my words travel through the still air between us and perchance bring you comfort in times to come without recollecting despair. if the truth will be as truth once was, we'll meet again in dreams of gardens with visions watered.

eh, there it is. first poetic in ages. hmm. its difficult bringing myself to come back to the places and people i once frequented so well, but i will try. inshAllah.

if i may take a moment, why not thank you, i wonder who ever comes to read this anymore. lol, doesnt matter in the end....one day, one day..



-in the name of Allah-

for the first time in my blogging history, the last two posts i made have been saved as drafts and left unpublished. why? who knows for sure, but i hypothesize that they're only fragments of recorded change, polaroids that have their place in history and personal development. how far this development goes, only time and the help of Allah will show, but here's to knowing a brighter day.

as for this blog, its purpose, why i write, it doesn't really matter, even if no one reads. expresses thoughts is like freeing a potted plant, giving it roots it most dearly needs. so i can still ryhme in fractured, apparently abject lines, but who's counting the reasons or dotting the i's? where i am is only here, where i've always been- its just taking a little longer than expected or ever imagined to find my way back around this circle to the same point i began >>> islam. without faith no purpose, without purpose, no life, so dont live without faith or you're begging to live in strife

take care, readers of this blog..



-in the name of Allah-

in the end and in the beginning ill always be what i am: just me. reading your words, my stomach churns and i know one of those fateful decisions i've finally made, but it wont be without loss, it wont be without pain. i dont know if its to be damned or not, but im always one of feeling, thinking or analyzing or looking past superficial meanings. i see what could be your pain because of me, but only if you knew the pain and abyss inside of me i struggle every day to overcome and rise above, you might not hate me so much or feel so down. i cant and wont be so foolishly arrogant to think the words you write are only as a result of what i do or say, but i do know that whenever i read what you write my heart speaks volumes to me, showing me its true color despite what seasons or seas may cause time to pass between us without even a sound either of us hearing. one of the things in my last lines was a lie: forgetting isnt possible for me, its not who i am, its not what i do, when i care and l*** one dearly its as if the stars shone brightly only a moments notice but enough to make the hopeful-but-hopeless casual observer remember and know the truth of those times forever. i may not be able to ease your pain but remember the words you once wrote: this is a test from the One who creates and moulds, people and time and places, so all find in the end what is their goal.

[edit:removed last few words for lack of appropriateness]