بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

I suppose it's nice to be somewhere in between:

the heavens and the earth

the skies and the seas

the wind and its breeze

pushing or pulled

sewn close or apart at the seams

juxta- all the -positions

while unknowns comprise one's destiny

sometimes happiness is the shade

on a hot summer's day

sometimes sadness is the rain

on a chilly winter's night

sometimes weather altogether absent

as feeling loses flavor, becoming merely templess

no tragedies = a gift, no elations = a caution, 

hand in hand walk these twins

hopefully fearing while fearlessly not needing hope as often

my Rabb, my respite, while soundless this desert, 

perhaps scorching the heat, my senses left senseless

as the moment consumes 

and walking forward

the only end, of a journey sometimes endless

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah, always. Today I experienced something completely new, completely unknown before. While visiting relatives, for the first time, of the current potential, I found a...warmth, genuine acceptance, khair, from people I had either never met or only ever said salaam to when I was kid...yet in this moment, somehow after those evolutions in life, the circle Allah brings back around, these were people there, for me. Like...whaaat? Huh? Amazed in a number of inexplicable ways. What makes this so mind-blowing is that what I came across today, I never even knew from my own family o_O...those who've known me every day of my life lol. Wtf indeed. Truth be told, my fam never did ill by me, perhaps the only thing I could say is I didn't find acceptance from them till much later in life, acceptance of me being me and not some gibbering regurgitated notion from their culture and preconceptions. But fam still loved, still supported me through it all. But this acceptance is a tricky thing, because it truly is the undercurrent of belonging. People can give a person all the love they want, all the support, but if they haven't accepted them, how does that one truly think or feel any belonging? SubhanaAllah. I don't gripe against anyone, just the sheer irony of what I've known versus today is just so contrasting I can't process it yet. 

Today I can only call a monumental blessing from my Rabb, that He makes strangers as heartfelt friends in an instant of His choosing. Whatever the road ahead of me in this life, I can say with ease it matters not what trials I find here. The key is just that I remain a purposeful 'abd of Allah, and the rest is what it is. May He also forgive me and my fam for all our mistakes and protect us from all evil and ill-feeling, ameen. 

 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Slowly the roads are being built, like tracks laid down from soul to soul. For me, what is the sum of my effort except but to put forth something good, something decent? Compared to what Allah puts in place, what He brings together, it is just so paltry, so tiny. This reminds me of the sweet irony of His request to believers to make a beautiful loan to Him...of what He already owns, of what He gave, of what He Himself made in the first place. The right is His beyond measure without asking, without imploring, yet there are places in the Qur'an where Allah just exhorts, just makes an enticing request to His slaves, that they give Him their worldly lives, their worldly wealth, in return for His Eternity surrounding by unimaginable luxury and comfort and happiness and contentment. 

The shame should be for His slaves, that their Creator ever need ask them what should be our instinct for Him by any reasonable assumption. Still, He is Ash-Shakur, Al-Kareem. It would not do for Him to be anything less than perfection in every respect. 

Back to what began this thought, my Rabb has this matter firmly in hand. Though I still seem to worry a bit now and again, the resolution of what I seek can only be with Him, with what He wills for me. Perhaps it is the case that as one approaches the fullest bloom of the ideal, it is so bright that one's eyes must close and trust be handed over to He Who made the sight to begin with. Of the sweetest imaginings, this potential...at times I can see the reflection of what I seek in her yet even more than that: a temperance and lightness of nature that is indescribably suited on some level to me. This road, this strange road for a strange nomad..subhanaAllah is what it is. All that's left for me, to submit and keep trying to submit so long as I remain iA.