2.27.2006

-in the name of Allah-



it comes down to these very words for another to see just where it is exactly that i am, and where exactly i myself foresee. i wont predict tomorrow's weather or pretend to know yesterday's detail to the letter, but i know theres a point in life where either one forward goes or for ever remains backwards trotting. i cant and i wont live in a past that has me shackled to dreams more in the shape of prisons than reasons to rise higher against the odds with or without means. i will choose the unknown and its potential over the past and its misery mired in the existential. in these words, though they may seem opaque to some, i will make it clear: the goodbye is eternal and unremitting, so henceforth dont bother to write or speak to me any words or thoughts contained by your sanity. some things i must do for my self in the end, for my soul to survive and accept the truth once more, and so with these words and a closed chapter in my life's book do i annoint you a part of history, history by-gone and maybe forgotten but in the end, we live for tomorrow not for yesterday.

2.20.2006

-in the name of Allah-



the future may shine bright and liven lives but my shades are drawn and it all seems so contrived. in my most stable of states ive tried giving meaning to the many hands of fate, only to see myself fall through the floor of ambition to a nowhere all too familiar, all too real in disguise. its been so long since ive even cared ive forgotten how to taste hope in the air and love in the water, once i had faith, but it seems ive effortlessly lost her. you may place blame on myself and my self alone, but if i cant resolve this life then death is truly an easier abode. most people say they arent ready to die, i say im not ready to live, ive believed to the farthest reaches but when those reaches only seem to go so far in reality's grip, i lost hold of the firmest things ive ever known. now ask me if i believe what i claimed ill reply i still do, but i havent a damn of a reason to care seeing how somethings are beyond me and beyond the face the mirror too. surely without doubt time will pass and my decree as its fated will be made clear, maybe some day ill find peace in a place without hunger without loss without fear.

2.10.2006

-in the name of Allah-



Still alive, still breathing, finding and searching, a way to give life back its meaning. Been all over the place seeking to put on my self a face, a face with features of mine and not wrinkled by the passage of time. others dont relent in their pursuits or maybe they do but im too occupied in thought to see what they see through the troubling whirls of complexity that bog down the cogs of the world and leave reflections inside of me. some ideas still hover and soar amidst the scattered leaves and pines, perhaps one day to finally find their place in the ground to become firm and sound. the seeds of seedlings in the harshest of winters, buffeted by reality's frost it appears the mirage is enough at times to fool the wisest of minds. traversing i remain and for ever contemplative, now understanding that loss is a part of life, though beyond myself remains a vivid masterpiece yet unpainted yet ever shining bright.