3.26.2021

To be a light for my Lights

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
 
 
Often I've spoken about the meaning of a beacon, how it's sought, the why of the matter, the symbolism meshing with and into the literalism. I think it might be worthwhile to discuss the inverse perspective, of how I want to be a beacon myself, for my beloved. It wouldn't quite be fair for me to take in such radiance, without trying to be that at the same time too. Perhaps that's why it's best described as interrelated, the mutual escalation of brilliance simply due to the connections He brought together and apart and together again, at first in physical or emotional terms, then later in some measure of transcendancy that keeps trying to reach into akhirah, into Eternity.
 
Wise people of the past, my Rasool (saw) the foremost of them, feared for their people the temptations of this life, its lures and abysses and traps....especially because these things lead to a complacency and contentedness with this lowest earth, two impulses that suffocate the innate desire of the soul to truly ascend and return back to the place its ancestor came from. 

In His wisdom, my Rabb saw fit to sculpt me as an idealist/dreamer/lover. Such a person can never be satisfied with desire being fulfilled only once or twice or howsoever finite number of times this life could give him. Coinciding with that, there is a level of purity and openness that delving into the ocean requires, a level that...this life, I tell you, can't hold for more than a few seconds at a time before dissipating (perhaps because the most precious things are always scarce and like starlight, something always sought to be closer but for now unable to be permanently so). So it is that the chase towards one's akhirah and eternal khair continues.
 
I have to also note, without my beloved, an Eternity is no place I'd want to be. And how could it be, absent the best, most beautiful and sought-after company? Thus the train of thought encompasses, and tbh was entirely originating from, my beloved; on the one hand is my Creator, with a connection and submission suitable of His slave - and on the other hand are my mortal beloved, seeking proximity and fulfillment and utterly-complete sharing of bliss unending.
 
So thus, eventually my purpose coalesces: Could it be possible for me to become a contrarian temptation, being a lure not for this life, but for the Next? This is what I want to be, where my aims are with respect to how I'd integrate into the lives of my beacons. This life presents us with tons of chances, opportunities to make choices that define the future we find, ...and I want for them(those who are a part of me) = everything, for Ever. Maybe it becomes possible for love to be such a force, the driving force, behind why a human being submits to her Creator. InshaAllah, this is the hope. And my spark, if thou didst wonder, is the chance at unity with my beloved, into an existence that words could never suffice.
 
 


3.16.2021

A sip of thy Drink

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
 
 
ya Rabb,
 
i want to be her seed her root her tree, the water in her veins, the chlorophyll in her leaves, the wind from her west and the wind from her east, so as she takes in air, is the moment when we breathe.
 
 
ya Rabb, 
 
let me be the rain for her drought, the warmth for her winter, let my branches be her shade when life outside gets too hot for her to weather.
 

ya Rabb,

make me the sound of her laughter, the joyous tear on her cheek, make me one of the blessings You gave her, whenever trouble touches her being.
 
 
ameen, for always and Ever
 
 
 🌹
 
 

3.12.2021

Reconnection

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
 
 
For the first time in a very long time, the dua and approach to my Rabb equaled the peak moment of my life, the strongest hope and request I've ever made of Him, found its way to me, once more. Back then, nearly two decades ago, it was for my Moon, in this life. Now, with circles completed and lessons my Creator teaches me, it is for my Moon, in Firdaus-ul-A'la. 
 
I think the past few days have slowly been building to this, perhaps beginning with the dream I had, and now there is this layer of protective hope surrounding me, that's become like armor, and that which would have normally hurt more, hurts far less if at all. Yet I haven't become unfeeling or apathetic. And alhamdulillah especially, because I've known apathy and its related states before..quite destructive. But this isn't. It is difficult to describe what my eyes have been allowed to see, to project, to fathom. But my Rabb shows me something of the Tomorrow I'm chasing, and that is it, ladies and gents. That's where you'll find me iA 😁

3.09.2021

so it is to be shaded Red, always

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
 
 
Alhamdulillah, woke up this morning from a dream last night I'd have preferred to stay in for awhile, a dream with you. I wasn't expecting it, though if I knew I could 'plan' to dream somehow, God knows I would have done so a billion times so far lol.
 
You were so fashionably chic and elegant, wearing a hat among other artistic clothing, smiling and laughing. It was as if we were utterly enjoying existence, at a party that we never had to leave, and your not-so-subtle gyration made certain I'd relish every moment. SubhanaAllah. I can think of a time, a place like that. It's the same place I've long had in mind for you, the same venue of Eternity that calls me to it endlessly until He permits me to find it.
 
my Moon...what can I say here? so much I've written, and yet all of these words combined tell only a fraction of the tale. no person has ever accepted me like you, no human as fearless and open with me, none i ever clicked with as easily or instantly, even when my strangeness made me foreign - your embrace of me turned me into something innate, something that you were made of. this is the greatest human miracle He has ever shown me, and it's the reason my ideal's idealist bar is set so damned high, alhamdulillah. i would change nothing of our journey, but that i hope for 2 things you should always know: one, that you forgive me for any time i've ever made you sad, and two, you keep your guidance as important to you as it is to me. the rest is gravy. 

something being composed, gotta finish it sometime soon iA.