- in the name of Allah -

Minutes before I prepare for Jumu'ah, I am reminded of a few things. Mainly random thoughts, but I suspect there is some general cohesion underlying them. First, humanity's roots as social beings. We have to connect, feel the link of connection, expression, contribution, internal and external clarity, for ourselves and those around us. Sadly, these connections bring us both "good" and "bad", hope and sorrow, information and propaganda, truth and deceit, superficiality and depth, closeness and distance, and the list goes on. The best we can do is try to filter what we absorb from others, to take the most worthwhile of what they have to offer, and to leave off their less desirable traits. Such is the nature of dealing with and being one of everyone. Second, the many ways in which I have been blessed by Allah, not only to have believed and still try for believing, but for being able to see past the obvious into the layer of understanding where non-egotistical genius and heightened awareness lie. Moments of clarity in life are few and far in between, so the most must be made of them while we have them. One must know that nothing is without purpose, especially one's own self. Just because we may not have the awareness of it yet, does not mean that we should give in to our lesser parts and follow in an aimless fashion our self-created designs of entropy. Every part of us is relevant, but learning to prioritize and visualize a grand scope of something is far greater in relevance.

- alas, such obtuse and relatively grandiose notions... -


crystal balls and gazing stars, constellations and planets from years afar, such tiny beings with great ambition, fit for kings but killed by malnutrition. we look farther than the eye can see, yet to our selves are blind, counting molecules on Venus, unaware that a neighbor's died. shackled by egos, fettered by preconceptions, we delude and prejudge, until all that's left is our own deception. rising, to what point? flying, to which heaven? our trait of wanting more, masquerades as need, hiding in plain sight, without cloak or dagger, until we're buried underneath. how many warnings can we ignore, before the dam breaks open, and fire becomes our only friend, our only abode? if the law in physics holds true, that any action has its equal opposition, then where will we stand, if all we offer is our own condition?

[on the human condition]


- in the name of Allah -

The purpose of this blog sometimes eludes me. Alh, I am no longer in quite the state of ideological flux that had prepossessed me in years past. I have found a certain foothold, a keen sense of knowing, of who I am, what my purpose is, how to exist. The only question that has remained unanswered, is precisely where am I going? I know most of what I seek does not hold water in this plane, an afterlife long awaited. So it should not be a surprise then to find this plane so burdensome, so full of literal and metaphorical heaviness. It is near impossible to be light-hearted for a long period of time without suffering in some way, either by losing scope and perspective of life, or the abuse and mockery of the less-enlightened. Either the body or mind remain heavily laden with some tiredness, somehow or another. There is just so little in life designed to truly be uplifting, inspiring. That is perhaps why I have developed a recent kinship with prayer, especially as of late. Sometimes, when we do not find the answers we are looking for in the course of a day, a good night's sleep preceded by the nightly prayer is exactly what the doctor ordered.


- in the name of Allah -

The spring semester has begun. New challenges loom on the horizon, 12-hour shifts, cranky mentors, and long hours of listlessness. Right along with that come possibilities, ideas, potential realities floating about as if they were wisps of air. Being human, I find myself terribly shortsighted when it comes to knowing the 'ultimate' good or bad in any endeavor. I may begin it with the best of intentions, but where it will lead or what it will 'ultimately' mean for me is anyone's guess. That may be why it seems as if the paths that open in front of me now hold less of a foreboding. I was not the one to open them, merely one to allow their possibility to mentally exist.

Sometimes, words just fail. They can't tell of the sort of internal...peace...that can be felt at times, when one's purpose and action begin to align. Once we stop running from who we are and what we're made for, everything just falls into perspective. It may be that our notions of honor and justice are lacking, that to truly begin to encompass them, we have to reach a higher state, where we can acknowledge what really matters and what is just another headline in the paper.

Somewhat random thoughts, for a somewhat random time..