- in the name of Allah -

Earlier today, dad passed away - inna lilAllahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un. It was coming for quite some time, like how cancer typically does. 

Don't see the moment being any easier, though I'd long accepted its inevitability. Death comes for every human being, there's no escaping it, no denying it. Even if a person can deny resurrection or Judgment or anything else, there is no denial of death. It's the final equalizer between all living beings on this earth. 

Alas that he got to see the haq before I do, became acquainted with the ghaib before me. May Allah forgive him all of his sins, make his grave an easy and spacious resting place, and save him from An-Naar, ameen. 



- in the name of Allah -


One of the most disgusting things I've ever read in Pakistan/South Asian news. Ordering rape in response to a rape? An absolute lack of justice delivered by a local council which defeats the purpose of its own existence. This has NO PLACE anywhere, let alone in a country claiming Islam as its religion. 

Let every Muslim alive know that a non-Muslim who does justice is BETTER than a Muslim who does injustice, your religion does not make you immune from accountability! 

May Allah ease the suffering of the victims at the hands of their ignorant misguided oppressors, and lead them to a way out of this darkness, ameen.




- in the name of Allah - 

Alhamdulillah, met an old friend from decades ago today, see if something worthwhile can be built from this reconnection. We'd drifted apart, though to me it felt like whenever we met over the years none of the time or distance mattered, could just be me and expect him to be him. Turns out I was incorrect, he didn't hold the same classification anymore, mainly because for him people had to stay in touch and be there for when things happen in life that enables him to unreservedly say, yeah we're close. Can't say that perspective is wrong, it is true for him and maybe most people. While I have a number of bridges needing this rebuild attempt, this will be first iA. Laying out on the table all of one's cards isn't always the best of ideas, but I've never been a gambler and I despise the duplicity required for it. This simply is just another part of me, to approach people as completely as I can, and if that acceptance and resonance is found, then alhamdulillah and may it be a source of khair; if not, then it's the qadr of Allah and He does as He wills, though there is a lament for every lost mirror that cannot be reclaimed. 


- in the name of Allah -

Avian - [trying to] Fly On

every bird is born with two wings, he doesn't know it growing up, but whether flesh or figurative, they both carry immensity in blessings. whether two parents or two beacons, both illuminating the road in life with love unconditional and eternal, creating a longing and absence when they seem to the bird to be even a shade less bright or in dusk slightly dimming. without question, one's parents must pass, so too will beacons fade from sight of the eyes, making endless seem the darkness rising from an ever-lightless sky.

nearly blind, a moment before his path lit but now drowning in the pitch black unknown, eyes are open but he swears they're closed. pleas disguised as shrill screams pour forth from a throat not able to handle what being a mortal means: tried and tested beyond all notions of wholeness or partial acceptance, with warning of Hell below this bridge for ones unrepentant, but just outside of hearing, a call to Heaven at the other side, angels standing in welcome for the persevering, leading to treasures perfectly selected and unfathomed by human minds.

this bird can't recall all of the favors, effortlessly showered on his soul by his Creator, scattered across all his life like pearls largely unopened and preserved, without trademarks but all inherent with reminders of what's owed to his Maker: every mention of praise and shukr; if He hadn't placed in him this wish, to reach for all these heavenly doors, grand palaces surrounding by bliss, some leading to company elect, and many to heavenly Hoors,...then maybe he'd have become Icarus, flying higher towards worldly whim and worldly desire, noticing all too late his two wings had melted, the fall prepared for him only Fire.


- in the name of Allah -

Random musing from today: 

If the world didn't have pain, would people ever want to leave it? Would they ever feel the need to strive for anything better?

I figure this is one of the hidden wisdoms of the difficulties in life and how the pain from them gives human beings constant motivation for something better. Of course we try to alleviate these things in our worldly affairs if we can, take a pill here or use a band-aid there, and even if we cannot help stopping it, we still feel a need to be removed from it, to find a place of safety and freedom from worry. 

There isn't a better end or recourse for one who follows and feels this train of thought, than to want and work for Jannah. Allah made it a place that would be wanted, a reward for the ones who sought His pleasure over their own in this existence. Alas that I am human and the permanence of this state yet eludes me, but alhamdulillah infinitely-fold that moments can be found where this knowledge is appreciated and endeavored.


- in the name of Allah -

may never see the next sunrise, may never watch again the tides roll in, life is for none of us guaranteed, so we keep onward struggling. 

how great is the irony, of one who loves to find wisdom everywhere he goes, yet is perhaps the greatest fool, this world has ever seen or known? in how many shades can he paint, with how many letters various lines compose, until his repetition fails to find in other hearts, the intent he sought of repose?

oh Allah, life appears so shallow, such a superficial plane, that when I take a step and think the stair is close, I stumble and lose what I'd gained in a single stroke. by Your sight ever-piercing, by Your might ever-matchless, how can I communicate with those beloved, when all I say seems jumbled madness? I cannot begrudge this moment You give me, to recollect in isolation, thoughts of remembrance and reflection, but oh Allah, I am one dying of thirst while seeking drink from another's soul, with just words that cannot stand alone.

oh Allah, I beg You for a fountain that never dries, to whom I can give, at least as much as she provides, so that we two contrasting peaks, despite the distances, might together off that same ledge leap. 



- in the name of Allah -

If all I ever composed, were but reasons to survive, then I'd guess my purpose might just be enough, to make our way through the narrow tunnels of this life. 

Darkness stole no light, forever in her eyes it remains, because Allah made the rods and cones, and the souls which shine in place. 

There are no reasons left to swallow fear, or soothe her mind with lies, Truth is all there ever was, for His slaves it's all there is to find.

And of the truth is this, that an end with Him is what I seek, so I might find His ridwaan and Gifts, alongside our homes with rivers underneath.


- in the name of Allah -

Someone once asked the Prophet (saw) why he made istighfaar so often, when Allah already forgave him all of his sins. His (saw) reply was that should he not be a grateful slave to Allah.  

I didn't pick up on this point till not that long ago, but the immediate and direct connection is made in his (saw) answer, linking seeking forgiveness from Allah as being equivalent to being grateful to Him. Note these are two distinct concepts. Gratitude is typically "thank you", not "forgive me". But in our relationship to Allah, all the good we do, especially the essential part of always seeking repentance, counts for us as being grateful slaves to Allah. Connecting these dots didn't click at first, but eventually the realization comes that in seeking Allah's forgiveness there is acknowledgement of one's flaws and a statement of one's constant need of Allah's help, in all aspects of life. The best way an 'abd of Allah claims his status as such is recognizing and continually making istighfaar, a kind of side course into shukr which I find amazing mA, as the obvious methods would be saying alhamdulillah, subhanAllah, etc.