-in the name of Allah-

I went to the masjid for the first time in a long time, and slowly the soul rises again. Although this life is a depression, theres too much hope in truth to ever let it get one down for long, as long one keeps the mind open and the heart forgiving.

In short, the sum of these past fews in regards to the mountain of fate:

I looked down the barrel of life and hoped a wish down that narrow tunnel, knowing deep down it'd come back at me, sadly, it didn't kill me like expected, only made me a little stronger and tougher, singin a bluer song to evoke how one's suffered.

Ah well, life surpasses the sticks and stones thrown in our dreams' glass houses.


-in the name of Allah-

days of the morrow no longer follow the footsteps of the past, every thing once built faces a moment where it may no longer last. the moon is beautiful to behold, but even it must set and give way to the sun's bright shining and thus be overthrown. man plans and plots and does this to the best of his means, thinking he can sway his destiny and mold it into his dreams. but painful is that lesson which teaches, that although we may try to perfection, the true control and purpose of life remain beyond our reaches. today is not yesterday, it is the forefront of tomorrow, a day founded upon what has past- both the happiness and sorrow. i've seen the lure of dissappointment, the pull of dissillusion, the fall of despair, all of these have spoken to me, and led me to a desolate nowhere. it is my blessing from Him received, that i tread those paths in times defined, and not let my eternity away slowly bleed. color i've sought, and color it shall be had, whether it be of my own choosing or something of a better path. so while i spend these days colorless, my future i move towards, for there is no where else to go but a place yet un-roamed.


-in the name of Allah-

"..and if this life kills us, death will unite us."

-Khalil Gibran, Broken Wings


-in the name of Allah-

Though a part of me runs away from even wanting to think of you because of the pain it might bring, a part of me will always be running, maybe in circles, to be closer to you because its the only home in a human's heart I've ever known. I don't know what lies in tomorrow the sheathed sword or sheathed wound, it could be I find my way around again to a place and a time not too soon. My biggest fault is impatience and sometimes I fear it might set me to rigidity in lacking diligence, but the back yard in my mind steadily knows Allah is there and I have a purpose, a purpose unfulfilled yet prominent. The skies can be gray or clear, the weather cloudy or shining, it seems the moments my mind is aware are to be treasured, a meaning and end for the searching and finding. I escape many times and and don't seem to be about them distressed, it's because apathy is a lonely widowed mother, who cares for any child regardless of whether that care will either help or harm beget. It's ironic to me how I should have my thoughts trail back to you, at some time, for some reason, in some way, and this should make me presently aware of the state of my life; in another time I would have thought that nothing short of my wants could be enough to keep hope and meaning in sight. Of course, such a nothing exists as something, a something in the being of you, you who remind me of my God, my one and only Allah on whose earth I trod and whose body I have borrowed only to give it back some day tomorrow. My soul is a strained creature, seeking light it begs to be in shade of shadow to run from fame and the shallow, but in return for this apparent virtue it binds itself to nothing, and cares naught for any's due. I have dwiddled and daddled with all these words a picture shaping to be a little blurred, but let me explain to refrain from becoming absurd. Should you ever thirst for peace or water or comfort or want or fate or life or solace or relief, and I am capable of hearing or seeing or thinking or moving or breathing or being, I'll send you a paper plane with my soul engraved perhaps and perchance helping you be free and happy and content and fulfilled and with serenity instilled. They say paper planes are weak, fragile, subject to winds and other elements affecting the meek, but I disagree, for when and if that paper airplane can carry your soul, if not along with body and whole, then at least partially in dreams to a place where truth and justice evenly unfold.


-in the name of Allah-

There was a fence that needed overstepping, over it I have stepped. There is a sea that needs traversing, across it I have traversed. Though no lyric nor rhyme could fully encompass my purpose, I know peace at last, though peace is not always hurtless.


-in the name of Allah-

I've bordered on heresy these past few days, bordered on the thin line between heaven and hell, the thin line between black and white, between fury and recognition. My choices are non-existent, my pain plenty, my love scattered, my ambition in need of CPR. You were part of the reason why I awoke again to life. You are part of the reason why I want to be asleep once more. Now, all I know is that I am alive, and that you will be khush. I made a dua before, more recently that is, that should the best path for you not be with me, let Allah guide you to it anyway. What a pain, loss, madness, it has been knowing that perhaps, I may not be your destiny. I will never truly let the idea of you go. I hope you leave me to the fishes. The ultimate sacrifice that can be made for a love I will make, have made, am making. That sacrifice is to let you take that path Allah decrees for you, and let you take it in peace. This is why I am better left forgotten, better left to the birds, better left as six feet under. To torment you or my self further by mentioning how much one cares is futile; it avails neither of us anything.

Should it be so that your present state amounts to nothing, and a possibility opens that you may be approached, I do not think I could do so. How could I risk losing you again, having had you barely for a whisper, barely for a moment's thread? The pain would kill me. As it is, I want to let go, to spare you and be spared of this, of loss, of what it is to lose that connection, that meaning that so few ever come to know. We may meet in another life, though I will admit I count on nothing while knowing my fatalistic, self-destructive state of mind. You may reach the farthest points of heaven, while I may be lost in the middle of nowhere.

In the midst of all my words is a submission, ultimately this submission is to Allah's will. I have known no worse pill, no more painful dose to swallow other than this, but if I must, then I will. My conscious and my heart cannot overcome the truth of Allah, the truth of my faith, and to it I must hold firm. Though currently I tread in stormy seas, I pray yours will forever be a gentle, fair brook.

Ma'asalaam (with peace),


-in the name of Allah-

It seems for every step I take forward, I take two back. I think that happens when the problem of one's life is so great that it becomes a distraction to consume all the worthier causes in life. At some point, I need to get married. Yes. It can be that simple, if I lived in another dimension. But what I want is split into pieces, a bit of it here, a bit of it there, none of it somewhere. Before I get married, I must be employed. To that end, I think I will do ok, inshAllah. Now as for to whom, my fate will be decided soon enough, perhaps sooner than I bargain for.

An aside...

I don't know if you hurt because of me or if I have anything to do at all with what happens in your life, but I know the pain your words express is enough to level me equally with the ground. Suffice it to say if the sun never rose again I could see your light from the ends of the galaxy.



That makes little sense. I could eat until I've enough for years but that couldn't take my mind away from what it is that my heart in secret fears.

Again, sporadic bursts of asdfaskfasjdfhldsjaf.

Good day.


-in the name of Allah-

So here I am. I've known this place before. It's a little cold, a little deserted, a little nowhere. Why I'm here I'm not sure. It could be the potential of loss. It could be betrayal of the only thing I've ever known. Of course betrayal is only for this life. After we die it's all truth and nothing but. I have few thoughts these days. The pc occupies my time. RPG and FPS games induce a mindlessness numbing. They take away the thoughts that bring pain. I think my nature is reactionary. That is why I am how I am. Where do I go from here? In another life I wanted to be married. Now I don't know where I am. School is an afterthought. Friends are foregone. Existence is tempered by my own reality. Do I rise or fall? I made a prayer to Allah once. If I should live to see a worse time may He let me die before then. May be I'll survive. Left with what? Remnants of myself and what I believed? Among the men alive I am the most foolish. Foolish to think thought could dictate action. Foolish to think that I can rise above myself when the world is my antithesis.

The only thing I know: I am alive.


-in the name of Allah-

With the arrival of internet after a prolonged absence, things seem to mellow out again. There's little concern left for much anything, I guess something called apathy. A self defense mechanism, apathy can be helpful in small doses but dangerous when overused. Anyway, I need to write something for some reason..

sick of the idiots and imitators, the world seems to be full of marathon runners livin on defribillators. i could be myself a million times over inside and out and my example would only gain dust instead of amounting to anything substantial like trust. people don't learn on the average so that's probably why i'm hoping for a prodigy to be born from from the mist of where so many ships have been led amiss. i care and i dont and i speak and i wont, i live and i die and i wonder not why but how the world can close its eyes to the blatant truths and blatant lies. i don't demand answers for ignorance has no reply, but i still can't seem to prod the sheep brains into being a little better than what's already ordained. some might decry my words as claims to perfection but i have no pedestal to seek glory or praise so their claims are based on thin air and tainted with jealousy's shade. people want glory and power and money and fame and acclaim to title and status in clouds either nimble or stratus but i'm a grounded root who's offshoot is buried in truth. i'd rather love once and have lost than to never have loved like those fools who think they know but really to them its just about show. i've looked into my pits and seen the chains of my soul, seen them so well and defined they almost sliced me into half from when i whole but still i realize and can't lose sight of the end of this life- living to be a little more deserving of Allah and His mercy wherever death finds me in its grip of finality unrelenting.




-in the name of Allah-

Notice: I now have internet, alhamdulillah. >_<


-in the name of Allah-

Damn these computers I'm typing on. Useless. Typed up a decent post, with decent poetics, and poof...all for naught. In any case, Verizon sucks. The best news lately is that school is almost over. Alhamdulillah.

Away I go! Away O chariot of Nuit, for though I could not kindly stop for you, I know you will kindly stop for me!



-in the name of Allah-

Ok, so internet is now 8 days away. That is the latest notice from Verizon. o_o

Life still goes on, whether we like it or not. Fortunately, it's not as if the truth of the moment and perhaps a truth of eternity can be so easily denied by the petty trifles of this life we live. I've been away from the net for a number of days, seems like I missed a few things. I am trying, bi ithniAllah.

For the inquisitive, I will be posting a pic of mine from Eid on here or islamica, not sure which will work yet. However, if you feel like now is not a good time to view it, then please don't tempt yourself in any way. I put it up now because exchanges aught to be fair, even though I have only one pic (incidentally, because the rest of mine were lost when they were digitized).

Ma'asalaam ya muhibbe

(bad spelling, perhaps bad grammar, but the point, ya'ni, is there lol)


-in the name of Allah-

So I find a few minutes out of an unrelentingly pacifying schedule to meander back to posting what I said I'd post a few days ago. Allahu-Alim, I think it (the poetic) is one of my better compositions, but like all stuff of that nature, its inherent limitations are evident. No matter, life proceeds forward.

Take your path and find your way through the forests of choices, where everything seems to be composed of gold but only the truth sparkles in visions. Dreams such as yours can only come from a heart of plasma made in the stars and constellations, showing weary travelers the way back from bouts with cloudy indecision. I declare my words to be drops of rain in hurricane season, and though someone might see them, it’s more likely they’ll run for shelter with the aimless legions. I’ve ceased looking to innervate the nerves of hearts whose eyes read these lines, but find the truth too sugary and ill-defined. People can find their own way to the truth, my only goal and purpose is to help if need be, send them off on world voyages though they’re leaving me where I am. Not a few days ago, I realized that happiness can be found anywhere in anyone, not to be confused with something impossible to take with the virus of hatred on the loose and truth on the run. The heart has an innate quality that seeks out comforting thoughts and individuals, moving beyond the realm of the concrete and physical. So if dreamers dream let them dream as if they truly live where their heart and mind are content and all around is serene. Life is a lion surrounded by hounds from hell on all sides, but one by one the lion can take them all even if the rope seems too high. And what other way can those hounds dare to attack except one by one, for if two left their places simultaneously a space would open and behold, the lion is free eternally. Still, damn the hounds for each one of them is viciously trying to choke hold the world from any truth and hope for sanity’s grip and reward for what our deeds have earned when death welcomes us back from this trip. Ah, I’ve written more than I usually do as of late, it seems the day ends earlier as night becomes to truth a nocturnal gate of mine.

Hm, it may be just me, or does that resemble a wall of text? Ah well. Au revoir mes amis.


-in the name of Allah-

Internet in three days, bi-ithniAllah. A long time coming, patience is the best thing from now until eternity. I believe someone took offense to me not reciprocating an exchange of photographs, the technical difficulties behind which I have already mentioned, but I think another point is worth clarifying. The purpose of the last conversation was about as well-delineated as I could imagine; it needed no explanation. As it is, I have written a poetic (which is at my home pc and therefore currently unavailable until I'm able to bring it with me) about this, and my stance towards it all.

To think that I've overlooked the moon while trying to find my way through the night is like asking to see in the dark without light- it's impossible. The moon is still there, but like always, it remains shining and not in the palm of my hand; therefore, I keep traveling (or wandering, same essence) to find my way in the universe. Maybe making this point of clarification was overkill, but if one cares about something, then its a responsibility to ensure that only justice is done to it. Do what can be done within what Allah has declared.

The matter remains that in life there come along other meteors or comets or solar flares or just about any such other entity that can cause a gravitational pull great enough to sway the moon's light from shining not on the earth but upon some destination previously unknown. In sum, let the moon's light travel where it may, because as is the nature of light, it is ever expansive and, even it must travel the length of the universe, it will find its way back around again.


-in the name of Allah-

Ah, internet soon. InshAllah.

Who said they need a place where time slows down? Is it going too fast?

Hmm, seems like I should write something..

if time runs any faster than it does right now, could you catch it when it flies right past you and you wonder what all that time was about? to me it's like the days just add up one by one, a train being made on tracks that never end until death is dealt with and this life is done. like never before i have conscious recollections of how my actions stir up tricks or treats in almost every kind of confection. still, the end purpose is simply not to watch the earth twist, but catch the moon before it sets, and send a prayer to the Eternal for our eternal success.

eh. Com ci, com ca. Au revoir mon amourie.

How's that for new words in any language?


-in the name of Allah-
Reply to "I think Dostoevsky was right in claiming that..."

I think that Dostoevsky was wrong in claiming that ‘consciousness is a disease’. Without consciousness, there would be absolutely no impetus to do anything according to any definition of right or wrong. The sole exception to this generalization may exist within those individuals who act or live simply because something is thought to be right, but not necessarily ‘felt’ to be right. If something is done simply because it is thought to be right, and this train of thought is not associated or preceded by corresponding emotion, then it can be said with fair certainty that the individual does not ‘believe’ in what he or she does, but rather follows it out of habit or custom or procedure. It is this type of individual, however, that constitutes the majority of mankind today. Take, for example, the majority of the Christian population in America. Most of them, upon being asked, will say that they have not analyzed their beliefs in terms of correctness to a degree that would afford them certainty, but yet they ‘believe’ in what they are following, thinking that it is something worthy of being followed. Can this legitimately constitute the association of emotion to thought, if no effort has made to verify what is believed is in fact the truth? In light of this point, I will clarify two things: first, what constitutes the process of verification of a belief, and second, the general consensus of Christian theology in regards to how its followers are indoctrinated. To verify a belief, one must go beyond what is given to them by others, and conduct an internal query to determine just exactly what it is that they are following & believing in, and then one must agree with the findings or else that belief cannot be held justifiably. The second point of clarification ties in to the first, in that we can observe how the majority of Christian followers came to adopt this passivity of belief: that is how it was taught to them by the ministers, preachers, reverends, cardinals, bishops, missionaries, and just about anyone else who can be thought of as propagating and teaching the Christian faith. Christians are taught not to question what they believe and that what is being learned is ‘right’ without any proof- this is partially why contemporary society has become so cynical and wary as regards to using the term ‘faith; it has seen the effects of Christian propagation and clearly it uses that as evidence of why all religion aught to be either confined to the ‘home’ or eliminated from society all together. It has become the hallmark of ‘organized’ religion today to either reach a point zealotry with its following, or the opposite end of the spectrum- assimilate to the mood of the time in which they live. I should apologize for this digression, back to the main point.
There exist no grounds on which consciousness can be thought of as harmful, save those who would simply rather follow than learn, rather wish than believe, and rather sigh than grunt. The experiences of Dostoevsky’s main character in “Crime and Punishment”, Rashkolnikov, are the result of his surroundings and the temperament of his soul. I will examine both instances, as well why and how they contribute to his degraded position. Rashkolnikov lives as a poor man who has attended university sporadically, while for the moment finding himself far removed from education at the time he considers the deed of murder. He is supported by his mother, who receives a fairly meager yearly pension, but still manages to give a significant portion of it to her dear son, who happens to be the oldest of her children. He makes little effort to actually ever improve his situation, choosing to spend his time in fervent thought about one apparent trifle after another. His apartment is destitute, of all the people ever to see him, only one he considers even remotely a friend, his days are spent listening and speaking to others of difficulty and trial and choices and fate and how things at any given time may or may not be (solely) in its hands. Of those known as introverted and isolationist, Rashkolnikov is a pro at it. He walks aimlessly everyday without ever bothering to notice who is around and which way is he going. For such a man, whose state and apparent acquiescence to its baseness serve only as detractors, it is impossible to even have a solid foundation of character upon which it can be said that his statements should be of any worth. Granted, there are many times when Rashkolnikov is profoundly philosophical, but his thought is a barrier in and of itself: his action is directly hampered by his inability to reconcile thought into action. If he cannot act, of what use is his thinking? But of course, there is one use, and a ‘perverted’ one at that: after all his battles with consciousness, after all his moments of perhaps deserved tepidity, he goes and acts upon that which aroused his consciousness to such fury in the first place. Which fool could do such an act, after he knows it is wrong, after he knows that any justifications that he has are tempered by baser desires of possessing the wealth of another through murder and theft? Alas, this is condition of so many alive today. The value of money has exceeded sense itself. What purpose is money if it is had and spent without sense, without thought accompanying emotion to preclusion of any or every action? However, this is tangential commentary. Rashkolnikov’s main difficulties are more with the act itself rather than his own deluded justifications for it, which center around the fact that his victim is one despised and harmful to others (i.e. a loan shark). The further idiocy of the entire predicament is compounded by the initial portion of the following statement, taken from the back cover: “Is it not just, he reasons, for a man of genius to transgress moral law- if it will ultimately benefit humanity?” He assumes that he is a man of genius, having implicitly defined it as the ability to deal with abstract thought outside the physical realm. He then uses two paradoxical words: ‘transgress’ and ‘benefit’. It is inherently impossible for something to simultaneously be a transgression and a benefit, that is- if moral law in fact applies to humanity. It may be thought that Rashkolnikov does not view moral law as eternally relevant to humanity, and so he would be able to resolve the paradox. However, there would be no moral law, for that matter there would be no judicial entity, no enforcement of rule, and in effect, no design or semblance of society in the world today were it not for the sometimes overt presence of moral law in the general governance of any nation. On the most simplistic level, people govern people, and if this cannot be agreed to, the alternative is anarchy. Assuming that is an unacceptable alternative, laws are necessary. The origination of these is arguably divine, but that is outside the scope of this writing. However, the very concept of a law, which is to maintain a state of relative order and calm, is by definition tied in to moral law, which is the same thing, except for a prior association with morality- defined in terms of ‘right and wrong’ and ‘should and should not’. A superficial observation would lead one to immediately conclude that morality and law must or aught to be associated with one another. To bring into existence a state of order and calm, it makes ‘sense’ that laws are in accordance with a general set of principles, such as justice and peace. It would be possible to state that the validity of this entire argument in support of consciousness rests solely on whether or not moral law can be linked intrinsically to humanity. If humanity needs or utilizes moral law in any of its affairs of existence, then humanity and moral law are inextricably together. In this course of existence, tribes, nations, federations, empires, states, superpowers, have all existed on a level of society and societal organization. Humanity, specifically human beings, exists most often in the company of other human beings. This implies a need for organization, the requirements of which include law and morality. One more point should be clarified, that is how morality applies to organization. Whether a group of people explicitly mention it, or implicitly exhibit it, the underlying rationale behind organization is order, which can only be brought about once a state of mutual agreement in regards to safety and security is reached. The purpose of morality is to act as a guide, as a means of achieving benefit. Clearly, safety and security are beneficial to humanity, and so morality becomes associated with organization, which is symbolized in the presence of laws; thus, moral law and humanity become inseparable and consciousness becomes the core of human existence.

How's that for a wall of text? >_<

Enjoy :)


-in the name of Allah-
It took me 5 minutes of persistent logging in-attempts to finally be able to write this post. Alhamdulillah. At the moment, I will post something already shared, but probably not remembered (I have a tendency to slur and mumble speech). iA, more will be posted later today or tomorrow.
thumai yaad
(~1.5 weeks ago)
how can i be running away when the clouds of my heart release your rain and flood the fields of my mind while every thought is its irrigating drain? though there's a path to both our destinies, the trains we take may not be the same. the wheels of life spin as time passes, but like any frame it may need a new pair of glasses. i realized recently the key to being happy was to forgive the world despite any boulders it might hurl. so if the troll shouts from underneath the bridge, i'll have to be the wiser billy goat and leave the troll's bait in the fridge. to say our past was meaningless is like denying parental intercourse before our conception- the present and future can't exist without the past's complexion. i don't give up, i just understand that life is outside of me, though i live in its plan. i'm forced to feed myself hand-to-mouth all that life dishes out but at day's close the tally shows: struggle 1, serenity zero; until the dawn of mortality's throes.


-in the name of Allah-
So, it's been one month since I last updated my blog, though an eventful one month it's been. Life's progressing and will contonue to do so, inshAllah. I learned something about the meaning of love, but don't ask me what it is- every freaking poetic I've written since I 'figured it out' has sucked. Words just can't do what they used to, they can't mean as much or enough, or anything close to the 'real thing' at all. Of course, someone I know found this out already, but alhamdulillah, they had the patience or persistence to (indirectly I guess) see to it that I learn as well what they knew. The following are examples of just how stupid and utterly ridiculous my latest poetry has been, and perhaps will be for as long as my memory allows.
thinking of you
every thought of you and the world comes to stand still, all the cars and people and lives in motion no longer matter. it's a future's gate with you at the other side. i can't make these poems rhyme anymore because you took all the air from my lungs when i tried to speak, leaving me speechless and full of reality's vacuum.
you were right- words are the biggest injustice to be perpetrated, especially in the past few weels, trying to verbalize what you mean to me is like watching the sun rise and making a title of a book that can never come close to the real thing. so for now, all i have is this pen and the letters of injustice to inflict, because if i tried to keep it all inside i'd lose my sanity's mind and appear normal to the world in spite of the rift.
surely stars are overplayed and you'd outshine them any day, but what about galaxies of milky glows? would they be able to encompass you and what your heart shows? i doubt it, but i'll try anyway, crossing whatever planetary systems from Hades to Heavenly- it'd be the same because i'd be seeking you forever.
Ok, so that is corny and many other things, but it's about as close as I can come with words these days to relating emotion. Go figure.
(hasbiAllahu wa ni'mal Wakeel)


-in the name of Allah-

(note- I have no internet as of late, till I move)

SubhanAllah. It amazes me where one can stand after just a week ago, how everything I expected myself to be aware of regarding one specific person and their situation in life, just wasn't what I thought at all. First and foremost, I blame no one. Immature people most often have the tendency to look at others and how their own crisis could have been averted had someone else done something about it. I need no such preclusion, what happened only did so because Allah willed it. We claim ourselves to believe in His decree, and now it's game time to prove what our mettle is made of. If He sets forth a trial for a believing person, then only patience and committment to Islam need to be reinforced.

From now, I look to all of what life has to offer me, only by the blessing and ni'am of Allah. If I forget this, may He return me to His way, Ameen. I am no longer bounded by others, I am bound only in myself, my own faults and inhibitions. There is no sphere I cannot reach with Allah, whereas in people there is only confusion and endless maze. I judge others based on how they are to me: if their presence in my life is one where it leads me closer to Allah, then I welcome it; if their presence in my life is one where I am lead to fitnah upon fitnah, then I do as Allah's Messenger (saw) advised us in running away from fitnah. Despite what this may imply, there is still a level of brotherhood to be maintained, for truly in Islam, I serve a purpose to every person alive who bears witness to Allah as the only One worthy of worship and Muhammad (saw) as His Final Messenger. I am their brother.

A few poetics, about recent events-

Subdermally Speaking…

So many lessons I’ve learned over the years, I can never give due credit;
I used to pour forth without prior thought, now I’ve thought before I’ve said it.
I could use words as often as I wanted, imagining they were taken as I meant them-
But how can all a pine cone’s dispersed seeds germinate, when the wind has sent them,
To different places, in different climes and locales, not all facilitating growth?
Even so, you taught me how life went up and down, how a future was to be hoped.
Though I fancy castles and fair maidens no more, prior truths outlive reality’s purge,
I know now what to expect, if only to move on past affliction’s ever-rising surge.
Part of living happily is to know the tides of time, how the moon’s gravity sways,
Each wave here or there, in frothy surf climbing the hull, a soul’s fleet is made:
Of live ships with which the individual must be in tune, or risk a fate-changing course,
That may lead to lands uncharted, without a farseer’s skill or wit to navigate remorse.
To myself, in my own mind, I can belittle you only so much before a time arrives,
Where your truth triumphs over my ego, and I concede all that pride deprives.
That said, I can only forge forward a path in brazen bronze for dreams of gold,
That line a future yet unimaginable, when our desires meet our ageless souls.
Islam has little need for friends such as we might make, recalling purpose and purity,
Still, to you I wish in myself, a steady rock, helping in any manner possible suitably.
For remember how Allah commands those who believe to aid one another, in proportion,
To the rendering of justice and morality, by the love of His love, the hate of His aversion.
I believe it Shakespeare, or some other famous playwright, was earnestly writing,
When he said, ‘though in one beginning there be one end, in an end there is a beginning’.
Though aims seem now to clash, in truth it’s but a mutual observing of a meteor shower:
Where fiery streaks of shining fate cross paths amidst a cosmic sky in Heavenly power.
In sum, don’t lose that which makes you a dreamer, yet know what keeps you alive,
In this way, you will come to come know a peace that oversteps any burden in stride.

A day before-

3 Years

It took me nearly 20 years to find myself:
Of those, three you managed to be of help.
To put a price on time is a vague impossibility,
For time is priceless, yet bounded infinitely.
It will end when we die, hours known no more.
Our graves our home, a precursor of what’s in store.
So what thanks would be enough, what apologies,
To finalize our sorrows, and from now find ease?
I could give you mountains of gold, glimmering;
But I am poor, so suffices a sea of letters, shimmering,
In moonlight shining, for the sun’s setting has passed.
Our crossroads is now, where we depart at last.
In this time, had I ever truly loved or cared?
I know I had, but it was Allah who placed it there;
And as He places, so can He remove,
Whether it be hate, or love, or either’s proof.
In this time, had you truly ever felt for me the same?
I cannot say for sure, for once I was but the name.
But as realities go, and fairy tales, I had thought,
You’d loved and cared for me, in return nothing sought.
A sure answer I do not need, for my Allah is sufficient,
Easing my path for me, blessed by His provision.
Even so, I wish these last few words to be as cool embrace,
Of winter’s chill, after fall prepares to give its place.
This is ‘my December’: a final offer finally tendered.
Go us each about our separate ways, seeking,
A place and heart to call our home, a journey completing.
Forgive, as I’ve asked before, of why I keep this poem going
I love to express, it comes as second nature is a truth exposing…

O Fashioner of the Heavens! , O Ever-Living! , Ya Qayyum!

Forgive me of my sins, and forgive Komal of hers as well.
Show us each a place both here and then, where we may in Sakeenah dwell.
Not simply to follow desires or exist, but to persist in only Your worship.
Protect us from the fitaan that surround our daily lives.
Protect us from the Shaytaan, and the evils he contrives.
Guide us to the comforts of Imaan for our hearts and souls.
Both in dunya and in Akhirah’s everlasting abode.


Wa'alaikum asalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaat.


-in the name of Allah-

Sometimes epiphanies are confined, restricted by the one-directional motion of time, where only one can see the certain trickle and flow go, and the one nearby can't see the same frames no matter how much we want to show. How do truly come to know who people are, what they're tryin to be? Is it one and the same, or does it matter what another can see? Let's presume that the truth of a human being is like a pitcher of water, fittin the container's shape, only this container is of the beholder's take. This seems superficially contradictory, but what if it really is subliminally reality, a permeable existence we find throughout and beyond life's more menial persistences? Forget the fallen glass on the floor, the broken bits that were never decreed to survive, relish how the blood has oxygen in store, and how glass can relief for another's thirst provide. Signs and moments of recogition in superior design should only serve to remind, us of our place in the universe's meandering path though each beginning apparently confounds without original trace. We live to worship and remember in one singularly-outlined but deeply defined frame of mind, a model and mould that outlives the youth and outgrows the old.

Peace is only with Allah. <= the truth people live their lives not knowing, yet its so apparent


-in the name of Allah-

No shortage of 'free' time, the days between classes and dhikr just seem to be so passive, kind of like how much of life has been. That is, if thinking doesn't classify one as active, in which case if it does than I've run plenty of marathons. But still not enough, apparently, as problems in life, from me to the world, still remain at large. I need to head out to the park soon. Not to mention, a phone call needs to be made. So why are things always so much easier in theory than in practice? Must be why I find the humanities and sciences so endearing sometimes. Places to go when one need not travel is a kind of blessing, but when the soul begins to affect the body and the body starts wanting to resist externality, then there's a problem. Notice that the word 'externality' contains within it 'reality', a 2-cent fact of gold and silver. The pc is not the healthiest place to be. All of you contained indoors, seek shelter outside from the world inside.

Above, or beneath, it all find time to breathe and remember from where that breath came.


-in the name of Allah-

Hmm. It's shortly before fajr, and I am having difficulty falling asleep. Nocturnal sleeping habits aside, there truly is much to be found in the peace of the depths of night. It makes sense why the Prophet (saw) would get up and pray tahajjud so often, because there's something about the element of night and the element of salaat that really closes the gaps in one's soul. I believe it has to do with the ayah in the Quran that describes the night as a time when the mind is more keen and speech more certain (a general paraphrase, please inform me of any mistake). Indeed this seems to be the case. Anyhow, I think I will compose a poetic before going for pre-fajr salaat.

An Ode to a Friend

words said, from words aside,
this is the truth, where you reside.
how we were decreed as brothers to be,
though blood and kin bear us seperately.
competition may in the mind's folly arise,
but even that, a means of Him opening eyes:
for it is lately i've come to ascertain,
what it means of two, who alike for truth do aim.
our times our bonds decry and attempt division,
failing to realize, what He joins can have no revision.
what is it that you have helped me see?
what benefit from you has come to me?
the truth is all that matters, and that was clarified:
you reminded me of Allah, of how in life man is tried.
odes a many are written, especially for 'maidens fair',
why not for him, who to my Lord brings me near?

It is said that those who are not thankful to the people, are not thankful to Allah. I have been blessed by Allah to have had so many people throughout life to which I owe thanks, for reasons galore. For what it is worth and means, as Allah bears witness, I thank them all; those who contributed in my life in any way, helping shape me as I am today. May Allah grant you the best in this life, and the Next, Ameen. This poetic is for a friend sometimes known as artu, who consistently brings me back down to earth when I seem to have gone too high into the clouds.

JazakAllahu khairan fid-dunya, wal-Akhirah, Ameen.


-in the name of Allah-

Not long ago, thoughts of Islam and the west came to mind, and it occurred to me how long these forces have been in conflict. Why should western thought oppose Islam? Why should Islam oppose western thought? By a careful and unbiased analysis of both sides, I think a generally acceptable consensus can be reached.

The first question: why should western thought oppose Islam? To begin, we define what is 'western thought'. Traditionally, this notion has been bound in geographic terms to mean the United States, Canada, Britain, and the majority of Europe. Note how North America and Europe are fartherest away from the Middle East, Asia, and Africa. Another perspective in which difference can be perceived is in the course of history, which shows us exactly who has been writing and commandeering the majority of the world to do its bidding. The advent of science brought with it the rise of colonialism, as nations began to vie for the best in everything, to be always ahead in wealth, resources, and sometimes, ideologies. What compelled men to cross seas and be dazzled by the wealth they saw as untapped? What constitutes necessary action in establishing for one's nation the uppermost hand of rule and law, in the face of systems that previously existed? Why what was done, is a most difficult and easy question. The money, the trade, the wealth, the power, the land, the riches, all of these were prime motivations. To some extent, religion played a role, but almost entirely for superficial and broad, agenda-backing purposes. It is also true however, that all of this was gained by those colonial Europeans at a price, a price perhaps too steep to pay in hindsight. Not only does increase in empire size increase the chance for rebellion, as was the case of America, but also the means by which the industry established forever soured relations with almost every nationality in the world. The 'white man' almost simultaneously created enemies in every corner of the globe. First, and perhaps foremost, the lynching of Africana and everything it was. Their people taken, the culture, history, tradition, value, order, government, wealth, all destroyed by materialistic pursuit. Another region, that of southeast Asia, which served as a springboard geographically to the rest of Asia, was another casualty. Mainly British colonial interests, though including others such as the French and Dutch, the forces of imperialism dominated in exceedingly absurd ratios of colonist:native. How were such numbers divided? A haughty person might assume that the intellectual and material superiority were enough to conquer people of 'lower class'. It should be noted that Asia and Africana and similar in many respects, with the differnces of an indigenous nature. The subjugation of almost two entire continents occurred mainly through a very unassumingly simplistic ideaology: divide and conquer. Once a people have a reason to fight amongst themselves, to defeat them in any capacity, whether it be intellectually, scholarly, materially, ideologically, socially, economically, etc, becomes a very simple matter of moving in whilst the bickering and division consumes the mettle of a people. Another prime example of how European interests bred hate and enmity can be found in South and Central America, where the natives were used much as the Africana were for slave labor and general subservience to the tiny, ruling European elite. Their conquest occurred with the same principle of divide and conquer as with the other regions and peoples. The total number of subjugated continents now rises to about three: Africana, Asia, and South/Central America. True, the colonial interests gained what they wished for, at least initially, but was it truly worth the divide that now seperates the world? One of clear and honest moral background can easily answer 'no'. What was it exactly that colonial interests had to lose in the grand scheme of things? One looks at what wealth they amassed, what arts and sciences they were able to produce, and there appear to be few things that can classified as detrimental. However, the main loss that occurred was the loss of trust and respect by the rest of humanity, which was comprised of those who lived in all other lands besides that of developed western Europe. Why is respect and trust important? Clearly, it could have fostered honest trade, honest brokerage, and an honest exchange of ideas and materials, but it was the greed and avarice that consumed the ideologies of the 'empires' of the time. They wanted more than just trade agreements, more than just land treaties, more than just boundaries, they wanted all of it, ie anything that was of any value, that could even become valuable, was desired and demanded and pursued by whatever means necessary, a direct implication of military force. In retrospect and hindsight, it would have been more ethical, moral, responsible, eventually-beneficial, easier, and all in all more productive if those empires sought expansion with a respect of those peoples they dealt with. Nonetheless, hindsight is 20/20 and the 'should-haves' of the past crystal clear. Present day politics and geography have very staggering implications when one considers how it all came about. American geography depended entirely on the forced removal of Native Americans from their land, and this removal was of course accompanied by the murder, pillage, and plunder of countless Native tribes and nations. The geopolitical climate in the Middle East today is a direct result of the consequences of WWI, and to an extent, WWII. In the first so-called 'World War' (note the apparent and implied bigotry of western historians in their nomenclature of historical events: a war occurred between a handful of nations, yet it 'comprises' all of the 'world'. Subtle, yet astonishing), the fall of the Ottoman Empire meant that the territory it formely comprised, generally from Egypt to Afghanistan and as far north as Turkey and Kazakhstan, would be divided up into what essentially accounted for as puppet governments, whose leaders were loyal mainly to western powers, and if it were of any benefit, then their own people. The moral and ethical implications of this commandeering of humanity into politically and economically convenient divisions and subdivisions is about as obvious as the rest of this writing. Still, wherein lay the faults that would arise from this division? It would aid in everyone's understanding if the layman could imagine in how many of these countries has there occurred an attempted or succeeded revolution, both politically and militarily. I cannot think of a single country who escaped that mockery known as the 'Treaty' of Versailles and also the 'Treaty' of Bret-Litovisk. Every conclusionary element of those treaties had in mind soley the interests of western nations, in all facets imaginable. This included militarily, economically, politically, ideologically, and just about every other way in which a people can be subjugated. Of course, no one is without fault, and these faults became ever so clear when each of these countries, especially the 'mandates' of the Carribbean and Africana were faced with revolutions. How can a people repressed remain a people denied? Continuing on present-day geography, the plethora of literally explosive political and militarial situations around the world truly amount to only a testament of how humanity's reliance upon itself is a forgone mistake. There are concerns about North Korea's nuclear development, Iran's nuclear program, Syria'a involvement with Lebanese politics, Saudia Arabia's apparent link to terrorist funding, Sudan's ethnic divide, Pakistan and India's unending dispute over the Kashmir region, west China's Xinjiang province and the oppression of its Muslims, Canada's turmoil regarding the previously possible allowing of Sharia'ah law in independent courts, France's claim to secularism challenging the right of Muslim women to wear hijaab, Britian's recent dealings with terror attacks, Afghanistan's apparent lack of security in controlling the various warlords and their drug trade, Iraq's entirely elusive 'final solution' where no end is in sight, Indonesia's ethnic issues with the East Timor state, Chechnya and its ongoing conflict of interests with Russia over independence, Palestine and its struggle for independence from Israel, Ukraine's Prime Minister Yushchekno's (sp) disagreements with much of the political population, Germany's economic difficulties and the recent divide in who will become PM, America and its 'war' on terrorism, Turkey and its secularish regime implementing a steady move away from any ties to religion, Venezuala and its supposed dictator being at odds with the U.S. while supporting Fidel Castro's Communist state of Cuba, and the list goes on without any end in sight. In the thick of all of this, where and what is Islam? From its most basic source, it is the belief in one god, Allah, who has no partners in worship, and the belief that Muhammad (saw) is His slave and final messenger. Granted, this is quite a simple phrase, but how can its implications go so far beyond simplistic? The reality is that it is a guide on how to live, behave, and worship. Through this definition, one sees how far into the scope of human existence Islam actually permeates, which is to say that it encompasses the human being entirely. Therefore, and human effort to be outside of this will result in unavoidable conflict. As man was created, he has choices. A man may choose what he eats, how he conducts his affairs, but to what avail is this? In reality, the knowledge and wisdom any single person possesses is very insignificant, so how is this solved? From the beginning of human kind, there has always been some moral code of conduct. Some philosphers will disagree as to whether this was divine in origin or not, but that is an honestly moot point. If the earliest man, according to traditional anthropologic views, was so self-serving and self-centered, how did he come about to making a moral code? Would it not have been that a few ragtag band of 'early humans', after facing conflict, resort each to what they thought was best? In doing so, would they not have self-destructed as a society, howsoever limited it might have been? How could such varying elements such as human personality be brought to reconcile simply because of the devastation wrought by their brethren and predecessors? Who can say that they would not have killed all of themselves before any 'lesson' was learned? If a claim is made that some were more peaceful than others, than what is said about the evolutionary psychologists and the notion of the id, that supposedly 'ruled' over primitive men? Does the id infact take into consideration the existence of others, the existence of anything outside the self, or is it only self-subservient? I will conclude, though others may differ, than mankind could not have had the laws it did without Allah originating it and influencing it through the generations. Thus, it makes little sense that we (as people) should rebel to He who gave to us in the first place. For the 'sake of arguement', let us take the viewpoint of this scientific era, who believe in themselves and what they can 'deduce/induce'. They will recognize and acknowledge the necessity of a moral code in the implementation of a society. What remains lacking however, is how this code is enacted and enforced in modern society. Any sane scientist can understand and acknowledge the correlation between moral standards and instance of conflict, in that if the former is present, the latter is less likely to occur. Given that the latter is harmful to a society's well-being, what sense does it make, in the long run, to be at a point where morality means nothing? It incubates a society ripe for violence, generational degression, depression, and digression. Islam aims to solve this apparent dilemma by introducing and reinforcing the presence of Allah in the lives of humanity. The primary aim is to ensure the well-fare and well-being of all members of a society, and having each individual strive to be closer in his or her relationship with Allah. Being so comprehensive, Islam affects every aspect of existence, from social to political, from political to economic, there is not a sphere of life that goes unexamined, unjustified. Every action has a purpose, and that action which has no purpose, is discouraged from the get-go. It encourages unity at the most integral level, the family, all the way up to the leadership. Problems that arise in everyday affairs are tackled by looking at Quran, hadeeth, fiqh, and the subsequent stages of scholarship that the 'ulemaa engage in to derive a ruling for any particular issue. Wholistically, it means that one should be kind to his neighbor, forgive another of his faults, and entreat and enjoin upon himself and others to virtue and belief in Allah and what He has commanded. It means that one should be honest in buisiness dealings, honest in personal affairs, and forthright whenever he is required and sometimes when not required to be so, ie the exception being in the case of being jovial with a friend or spouse. It means seeking the truth wherever and whatever it may be, whether it be the fault one's own self has, or the truth in the world one did not previously realize. It means being open to what should be open and more closed when one should be more closed. Though at some points these points may seem subjective and arbitrary, in reality they are upon the singular guideline of being whatever pleases Allah.


- 09.21.05 ~10AM. Topics furthered include finishing up a brief analysis of present-day politics and geography, an analysis of Islam, and (partially) its implications on societal, individual, and communal levels. More to come, inshAllah.

- 09.15.05 ~11 PM. Topics covered are the price paid by colonial interests and a short analysis of present-day geography. Further updates with their corresponding topics will be posted in time, inshAllah.

------ Topics remaining include: the price paid by colonial interests specifically (covered), analysis of present day politics and geography (partially covered), followed by an analysis of Islam, its background, history, implications on societal, individual, and communal levels, reasoning behind its injuctions, delineation of how it describes man's relationship with the Divine, the implications for social and political impact, the fallout from WWI, how and why it appears contradictory to western thought, a more-detailed description of western thought, its prevalent ideologies, beginnings in the humanities and evolution into the sciences, how science/arts contribute to western thought, where the fundamental division lies between western and Islamic thought, and finally (I think)- how the conflict between Islam and the west can be solved, from both a theoretical and practical perspective.


-in the name of Allah-

The Marathon

Running in days, resting in nights
Pursuing the deeds, enjoining the rights
Rising before dawn for prayer's wake
Reciting verses before night the soul takes
Going above and beyond what is required
Securing the grave where one is retired

Of the worldy rat race, how is purpose defined?
For all face death, but what of previous design?
Why live now, if after death is frivolity's gripe?
Why live now, if the present is just a moment contrite?

To live now, one must have a purpose for then
For now to die, must mean to live in resurrection
Without this life as a means for that crossing end
Justify for me rule of any law or point of social trend

What begins must end, what ends must thus begin
For in all lies reason, though understanding be thin
So, to where will go this Marathon, in pain and joy?
A Judge's Court, wherein contained is reality's ploy

Not one of my best, I think. It is early, before fajr, and I am needing something to write, so it will have to suffice.

NOTE: I need ideas. Fuel for poetics, for something to elucidate on, at least in theory. All contributions are needed!


-in the name of Allah-

This poetic is somewhat overdue, but there's no time like the present.

My Companion

When I speak, He is there to listen
When I think, He is there to know
When I grieve, He is there to strengthen
When I fall, He is there to show

I need not utter a single word or phrase
I need not bother with expanation's haze

His words come as waterfalls cascade
Through me, a shiver echoes within a cave

There are times I suffer, times I rejoice
All throughout, He steadies my inner voice

This life we live but Him to glorify and praise
In worship's peace, with no grander stage

It is true, many people I love
But fitting it is, He remain a level above

As one myself reminded, seek only good in others
So improves our own stability, in minds unshuttered

So, now I refine my purpose, to humans relative
Move past our faults, to thoughts more sedative

Circling back, where did I begin?
It was with Him, who guides me from within


-in the name of Allah-

I had an epiphany of what may be qualified as cool quotes, so I'll post them here iA as they come to mind. (I am in need of cool quotes. Sad, I know.)

- Our existence is tempered by our humanity.

- Expose me for who I am, so that I may become what I must.

- Life is too meaningful to be worthless, too short to be trivial.

- "At some point I realized he was consoling me … have you ever noticed how deeply spiritual people do that, especially when they are the ones who seem to be in trouble?" - ESPN article

- All my life I spent with glasses on, I realized there was something between world and I.
-in the name of Allah-

It appears that I will continue writing about Allah and my relationship with Him until the very end of my worldly life. Why is it that I should continue to do so? It is because I realize and understand that I don't belong here. This dunya, for all its glory and facade, just isn't what I am at all. The reality is that I belong with Allah. People clamor for company, they clamor for acceptance, but when it comes down to it, they ask others to make dua for them. What is this? Perhaps its only me, but does this not come off as hypocritical, when those who ask for dua are usually those people who themselves do not willingly move closer to Allah when presented with an opportunity? Yet at the most trying times in life they say 'whatever Allah wills'. Surely, it will be whatever He wills and yet the foolish do not realize they doom themselves by excluding Him from their lives. If people wish not for the best and change for themselves, then how can one say that Allah will not decree for him destruction in both worlds? This foolish, ignorant one has entirely no say in his own destiny, yet will throughout the whole time continue to say 'inshAllah', as if he had ever supplicated to Him and asked Him as He deserves to be asked. This, partly, is the state of the Muslims today. It hurts me. Yet, I am alone save Allah. Where do I turn that every single nafs on this planet should turn to? To Him. It is a sad case of human being that desires for the approval and acceptance of his peers, yet does not do better than that with his Creator. Verily, it is in the wallowing of the shallow that people most often find ways to pacify their egos, creating on top of a glass foundation yet another structure made of glass. What shatters easier than glass when faced with impending, opposing force? May the deprived contemplate on their state and reunite with Allah. Ameen.

That said, there is still much for me to write about. The follies of men and my own grow ever more apparent, and oddly enough this reinforces my closer stance with Allah. Who should desire the company of a mortal, of an erring, to the company of the Everlasting, the Perfect? It is not a comparison worthy of making, yet the state of humanity does naught else. It reminds me of a true-to-life situation with the companions of the Prophet (saw). They saw this dunya for what it was, and gave all of themselves to what truly is infinitely greater than this life. For the naysayers, tell me, where is the peace to be found amongst the turmoil-filled hearts of men? It cannot be. We face many trials, those mortal we love face many trials; all in all, the recourse is only with Allah. After this realizing, it pains the square much when it tries to go through the circle's opening- but shall it ever happen? One might say once the circle dies, there remains but for the square to meet its destiny, but with out doubt, the square must continue trying to fit through the circle. Painful it is indeed that the hearts of men be bounded, at times, by the hearts of fellow men (no homosexual implication is being made; it is understood by 'men' to include women as well). The nature of humanity makes every such attempted bonding between man and woman all the more difficult. It is true Allah has made for each believer, in his spouse, a raiment (ie garmet) to be comforted in. Oh Allah!, would that I come to know of this when You have decreed it for me. It should be noted, that I was about to say that I knew not of such comfort in any spouse, but the truth is that marriage hadn't yet taken place; thus, Allah's words still do apply, though I did not realize it. Such is the nature of writing, of emptying from within.

I shall, inshAllah, post soon a poetic about Allah.


-in the name of Allah-

Hmm. Ever since a few days ago, oftentimes when I would think of Allah, I would end up remembering my significant other not long thereafter. So what makes this of any consequence? Well, it so happens that I asked Allah that she would become a source of remembrance for me, and in a way, this appears to have happened, alhamdulillah. As for some other fulfillments of dua, before I went to sleep I made dua to Allah asking to be able to wake up for fajr to worship Him. Would you know that it would happen to be one of the easiest waking-up-for-fajr times ever, ie the alarm sounds, I look at it, and thought of fajr comes to mind. SubhanAllah. Then, my second dua. Having been somewhat lazy in making wudu, I was encroaching the on the first rak'ah. On my way to the masjid, both in car and on foot, I made dua to Allah asking Him that I not miss any rak'ah. Would you know that not 5 seconds after I stand for salah, the Imam goes to ruku'uh. Does anyone other than myself realize the import of these two incidents? It is, according to a hadeeth, that when Allah loves a person, He brings him closer to the deen. In this case, it is a closeness very tangible, ie in being able to make the prayer in a timely manner. So, what does this mean? This means my endeavor, up until this moment, is alhamdulillah becoming more and more concrete; that is my relationship with Allah is steadily improving. Given the limited knowledge of Him we possess, it suffices to say that one's relationship with his Creator can be in a state of steady improvement until the day he dies, so I beseech Allah that I be amongst those in constant affairs of uprightedness and 'Ibadah until the day my grave finds me. Ameen. As for other thoughts lately, I have been thinking of and trying to figure out how precisely to help the aforementioned significant other with what appear to be trying times, and I fear at some point, I become the proverbial broken record. How many times can one feel like consolation needs to be given (granted, she did not and does not need constant consolation)? I feel inhibited in what I can communicate, but it is true that an understanding of our relationship dawned on me last night, shortly before 'Isha. There were times where she would be seeking to simply relay her thoughts of the day, or her feelings/comments on her life, where the response aught not to have been and should not be to advise or console, but to make clear a willingness to listen, to be one in which she could find repose. I, too aften it seems, attempt to 'problemify' every matter that arises, and I believe a different approach is necessary sometimes, ie just being there to listen. It should be noted here, that it is with Allah that one's heart resides, so what does it stand to reason that my Lord should remind me of her? I believe the answer is partially circular, meaning that in remembering her, I remember marriage and then fulfillment of religious/personal duty and then to remember how all of this came about, and to whom is shukr to be made; ie Allah. So, its like a thought or love is placed in one's heart, to bring about the further remembrance of Allah. There is the wisdom of Allah. Alas, the day continues, and time moves but forward. May Allah guide us back to Him, in a manner that suits His bounty and mercy upon us, Ameen.


-in the name of Allah-

I want to ask you to forgive me, I want to know you're alright, I want the path in front of us clear, I want for us a future bright. Forgive me of my past, forgive me of my tomorrow, forgive me when I fail, forgive me for my sorrow. I write words thinking they mean the same, I write without another's thought or care, I write so recklessly, because I take up the truth's righteous dare*. I spill and spill and perceive and perceive, but I do not soak up your thought nor give you a second's reprieve. I am quick to judge, hasty in denial, wary of the future, a lawyer seeking yet another trial. I forget and forego a fellow's right, while I demand my own's fulfillment in a manner contrite. I reach for the skies only within my mind, falling short, I feel distanced and apart, by humanity left behind. I once sought company with man, he stiff-armed my brotherly embrace, resigning me to solitude's pensive state. I do not grieve for what appears nor what what is reality, I give my owe and seek my due from His eternal Majesty. I know mankind is human and fortuned to be flawed, I prepare myself for mortal negligence and know to see past what the Designer's drawn. I loved you before, if Allah allows me, I will love you forever. I love you only, so that my Lord and I come closer together.

* - (ie to be what I "am", regardless of consequences as long as it is "right/just" [note- this implies and includes a faulty line of thought that does not stand to reason based on how others feel, thereby possibly becoming a source of harm in some cases.])


My Treatise on Allah and one Komal

-in the name of Allah-

My Treatise on Allah and one Komal


In glorious sunrises, in calming sunsets
Through stormy waters, through overflow vents
Past the tease and tinge of yesteryear
Beyond scope of premonition and a morrow’s fear

Lies a truth unassuming, in utter simplicity
It is that of One god, the One eternally
Who made what was, and decreed what will be
He set for all a portion, and took a vow from humanity

To never worship any other, though this they denied
His truth of One, their own desires instead multiplied
Insatiated by their wealth, the imperial forces globally spread
Determined in themselves to find peace, ease the dread

Of course, only His and with Him is this to be found
Looked and searched they would, an emptiness compound
Thus souls restless spend their livelihoods in screech and roar to decry
Long nights and days spent awake, needing from life a reason why

Away with those who deny, my hearts rests in comfort
He is ever-near, lending me patience and righteous revert
My soul to a place before unknown, in silence rises
Fueled by His Noor, an endless list of starry surmises

No, not mere conjectures of my own errant making
But each a pointer to Him, a compass for the waking
For With Allah, in open and sutble truths I always find
A path, a way, a road of cobblestone familiar, in ease of mind

He carries my strength, gives me solace
Removes my fears, blots my worries with poultice
Blemishes of sin, in His mercy and forgiving erased
By His reality, His truth, His company replaced

So, a heart reaches, is touched by the Sublime, the Divine
Where from is a mortal comfort, a raiment in human confine?
This reply, is like to His will of destiny, of a benevolent design
That I sought another never, but did my fate with such intertwine

Names are but letters that but another soul do signify
Eyes beheld, in married gaze, another puzzle completed mine
In those glossy spheres of truth and toil, lies a half of me
Seeking me, I in seeking it, do find but reminders of eternity

For this life is not for ever to be lived or enjoyed
It ends in pain of death, despite of what struggled or toyed
But this one, in lower case, His mercy and blessing loudly cries
With me in tears of mutuality, where part of life’s purpose lies

I love Allah most, He created, accompanies, and consoles
My existence, from birth to death, my soul His Hand holds
Thus, He is of my highest endearment worthy and deserving
My Lord is Allah, bestower of bounty and grace without conserving

As next of most beloved goes, His Prophet this station clearly knows
For what better example, model, guide does in humanity reside?
A leader such as he, in whom any could trust to aid or confide

Not much farther down this list, is a servant of His in clothes nondescript
Though she shines through life’s darker caves like many a candle lit


-in the name of Allah-

It should strike me as odd, though in hindsight quite predictable, that a focus of mine on the psychological level should settle, at this point in life, on ghirah. For the uninitiated, this term means a sense of self-respect or jealously that is felt when one's rights or domain is thought to be trampled upon. Most significantly, the ghirah of importance is the ghirah of Allah, which is evoked when humanity worships others besides He who created them. As it relates to man, and how his temporal emotions go, ghirah is what is felt when one's personally apparent rights are thought to be overstepped by others. So how, then, does this term relate or affect myself? It pains me to write directly what is the case, so I will speak in a round-about way of eliciting the truth.

Why should it be that he perceived as righteous and holy should only seek a way of those decrepit and weak, to burrow in places supposedly more distinct faces would contradict by decrying as injust and illicit, where is the aught-to-be justice in the rights of men that dictates what should and shouldn't done where or when, can it be that what is, is what should be in spite of those rights apparently trampled in the all-consuming amble of time's march forward, why is such a case so difficult to externally express, whereas inside it burns with fiery and graying ashes a hornet's nest. One and one is no room for a third, numbers allied and enemies tried belie the truth of the second one's concerns.

This should be amply indistinct to cloud the truth, and still in some ways, release what is held inside.


-in the name of Allah-

How many days out of one's life are marked with transitions, from old to new, from youth to age, from vibrant to subtle, from ecstatic to subdued, from unknown to known, from insecurity to awareness, from ignorance to knowledge? In my own life I have known, of my own assuming, many such days, and these that pass before me now appear no different. No, I have not forsaken the promise I made to pursue, to endear, to make firm a foundation that begins in union with another. All people in life are subject to change, and it is within this frame of mind one can predict and allow for time apart. It is true there comes a time when words alone do not suffice, and actions' limitations become evident. I speak of words, as she would speak of them, that is, those typed in emails or instant messages. How came a life to find such material influences as electronic communication so important? It only underscores the era in which we live, an era of newfound challenges and opportunities. Distance is seperation, though not implying the non-existence of what is thought to be the in-between of this distance, which is physical in nature. Emotional distance, during some times in life, is necessary and should be alotted its due of importance, regard, seriousness, and understanding. Write when you wish to write, speak when you wish to speak, and I will find myself doing the same regardless of what you do. This, I believe, is the nature of one 4-lettered word that extends beyond the self, beyond the gain, beyond one's knowledge of the world. If love is what love is, then is not mercy from this derived? Let us define mercy- the display, in some form or other, of compassion or kindness to some one or thing. So I may conclude, that given my belief in Allah and His statement that His mercy exceeds His wrath, that Allah truly loves mankind. From this love springs His mercy, His command for us to attain nearness to Him, and give Him the best of what we can that is His due. Thus, love is benevolence. It is care without a wanting of return, a gift without thought of self-fulfillment, a one-way ticket with no recollection. May all of us understand what is love, and how we can find it every where in life, especially with Allah, our Creator.


-in the name of Allah-

Recently, I found myself in a situation where I could not comprehend the apparent mindlessness of a family member of mine, and so I resolved to write something to perhaps describe in words how I have seen some people behave. Mind you, this behavior results in little else than restlessness, and lack of any comfort, security, or peace.

From Within the Hive

I have seen inside
The tepid, luckwarm heart
Encompassed by the hive
As he plays out his only part

And from this frame
Never dares to stray
Despite an injury sustained
The will succumbs for the way

The mind appeals not to reason
Nor to mutual consensus
It asks but for logic's treason
Accompanied by eviction of the senses

Though in his method, therein lies
Peace of folly un-foretold
Where change but only dies
A place for whim to firmly hold

He cares for no opposing path
This being his singular devotion
Thus he suffers unintended wrath
For though he acted, he forsook emotion

As it may be clear to some, this is the metaphor of the worker bee, who quite mindlessly goes about a particular task without heeding attention external factors or motivations. It is my belief that this mindset is of special danger to the Muslim ummah, since the challenges of today must be tackled not by closed minds, but those that are open to understanding.


-in the name of Allah-

It has been said that the best writing, the best inspiration, comes as the fruit of the most intense pain. If this is true, then I can claim, perhaps, to passed through such a medium of forced self-clarification. My latest poetic:

In Light of Recent Catharsis

In this land of worker bees, where do I remain?
Stuck in shallow ponds of vanity?
Robotically perpetual? Or inherited humanity?
Or caught within ideal, an overtly shapeless strain?

Though they have what they in all of this desire
So have I, without so much a moment in regret
Though wondered have I, what does them inspire
For lacked I’ve all along of need, blessed by providence

Their aims do their needs and wants sustain
Likewise, mine reach for goals of more personal refrain
Though they claim existence in a world of ‘apparently’
I maintain my belief, in one of hidden invisibility

Surely, a path to sustenance I will require
Through straits and valleys, both trivial and dire
While the noon sun to sunset onward blazes
Past the productivities, beyond time’s boundless gazes
My goal, like once it began, still remains ever steady
To be secure in One, and with another share life’s melody


-in the name of Allah-

I was reading a book, "The Legacy" by D.W. Buffa, when I came across this quote by the main character, Joseph Antonelli, who is a lawyer in the middle of a case to defend an innocent young black man from a vindictive and corrupt San Francisco legal system. The quote is a conversation between Antonelli and an acquaintance, Marissa.

"Money can buy you freedom," countered Marissa.

"To do what- spend it? Earn more of it? Go on a cruise? Play golf? Retire? Buy a new house, a new car? How much of anything do you need? But you can always use more money, right? If a man ate so much at every meal he became ill, everyone would call him a glutton; if he drank every day till he passed out, we'd call him a drunk. But if he acquires more wealth than he'll ever be able to use, we call him- what? Smart, successful, a born genius, and someone everyone else could take a lesson from, but we don't call him greedy." (J.A. - pg. 272 of "The Legacy")

There's a lesson in this quote to be learned of society, and how wrong it is in its justifications. May Allah permit humanity to see the error in mindless accumulation and pursuit of wealth.

Money ain't everything.
-in the name of Allah-

Another day of this drawn-out summer comes to a close, and in some ways, one thinks how the start was different than the end. As in the previous post, a perhaps-sinking ship was rescusitated, and aside from this, dramatic leaps were made in self-actualization. It is true that from then until now, I and this significant someone have undergone major strides in what constitutes our relationship. However, there is one easily-overlooked domain that strikes me as the same.

In pouring forth the contents of a well for another to drink and gain knowledge thereof, where is the increase in knowledge that I myself am lacking yet unable to account for, in terms of how and why it has not been met? In the transportation systems of America, without any examination of its ethics or morality, it can easily be said that these systems are highly efficient, and maintain fluid traffic movement in often multi-directional situations. In the simplest and most basic of designs, such as that of back road or unfrequented street, there are still accomodations made for two-way traffic, and such understanding is built on the fact that people may need to come and go in both directions. It is odd that these parallels are not consistently adopted into the paradigms humanity builds for itself, or often it is that these paradigms disintegrate in form and purpose from that original design of simplicity and meaning in existence that made them so functional and desirable. It may be that is but another of the mysteries of the universe that only time, in its unabashed march to a final reckoning, will ever be able to answer for us.


-in the name of Allah-

So today it is that I attempt to recreate a ship which once was afloat, then dared to sink, yet now dares to float and navigate the roughest of oceans. Is it I who was or am captain of this ship? Indeed, this thought is perplexing. I could, in one sense be, for it is my decisions which factor into the fate of the ship. However, upon seeing the stormy, turbulent nature of the waters around me, I can in no way be assured that I am in any capacity to be the captain of this ship. Therefore, with my possibility excluded, there is that of a single crewmate. Would she be bold enough to captain this burgeoning vessel in the most trying of seas? Perhaps being bold enough is not a proper means of ascertation. In one sense, as it was in mine, she could be captain, as her decisions clearly impact the fate of the ship in much the same way as mine did. But, if this is the case, and we possess equal means and abilities as to where the ship goes, but I am not captain, then how is it that she could be? No, this is not chauvinism, nor it is a case for femenism to arise anew, but it is a realization that in life it takes more than two human beings, in whose nature lies fault and error and unbridled hope, to be aided by one more powerful than all of their conceptions combined. This one who sustains, is but Allah. It is He who guides the ship when it is being by the waves swept astray. It is He who comforts our hearts when the challenge of nagivation and destination become blurred by the concern of the moment. Alas, it is He, who will be the means by which, if it be encompassed by His will, we will ever reach the end of our journey.

Such metaphors are some of the ways in which we can understand our roles in life. Surely, aims for this life can be merely finite, so the best of the best resides in the life to come. By traversing the plains of this life, and crossing the river of death into a land unfathomable, why should we be daunted? Our guide has promised us a place, the best of places for those whom towards mercy inclines. Seek Allah wherever you are, and every time He shall find you, if He wills.


-in the name of Allah-

Some days seem not as others, yet if one feels in them the same, does that make them all as one? It is difficult to know for sure. Whatever the case, now on to my point: sometimes the appearance that reality reveals is that of requested or asserted isolation. Granted, I have known this previously, and so it is not myself that I refer to, but a certain someone. For reasons I may understand, communication has reached a slower point than it once knew, and of this one need only realize a little of life to find out why. That said, it is in this post that I serve to acknowledge what I hold to be the reality behind my perceptions, and I stand open to arguement and criticism in this regard; by all means, let me be correct or stand corrected.

Time Alone

while a thing its path in life may define
one point it assures: that progress comes with time
rome found not itself built in the span of a day
nor did all come to exist, without fight or fray
truth conquered, and truth also fell
thus is life, the fluctuating ring of inevitablity's bell
so, what has come to be, meant not to pass thee by
the world revolves, and in it brightens a darker sky
upon one day, shall believers rejoicing stand firm
uplifted by their God, while those rejecting only squirm
the tolls of this life appear as many, in truth are few
if seen is the Next, then plead to Him for guidance true

Hmm, this was composed on the spot, and it looks to join my short list of self-declared masterpieces lol. Of course, comments to the contrary are welcome, as are what responses it may evoke. Farewell for now my fellow human beings.



-in the name of Allah-

So it is, that sometimes friends cannot resolve one's own personal issues, and so in seeking resolution supernatural aid is sought (by supernatural, it is implied only Allah, none of His creation). I was pondering over what sphere of life to which I may belong, and I could not reach a conclusive answer. Therefore, I proceeded to compose, and inshAllah (if Allah wills), this will be a means of finding the answer.

In Need of Another Sphere

People have friends, even enemies kept close,
Where is the script, where is the critical dose?
Is it of reality that one needs more?
When the place of yours, isn’t yours anymore?
Can men really be invisible? But a walking ghost;
Or can they know what’s greater, what’s worth the most?
Observing a sunrise of emotion, visible from any coast.

At times…

Love, a selfless pain that afflicts without hesitation,
Striking the unguarded heart with near-lethal visitation.

But at others, being…

Life, a refilling pool, is at once both drained and filled:
Where the light becomes in a prism instilled;
Within, a vacuum to prevent its casting illumination.
Thus, the darker spaces remain cloaked, in ruination;
That which was fortunate to be lit, is enlightened:
To ease the anxious, to dampen the frightened.
So how does one break this prismatic legacy of enclosure?
Perhaps, in only seeking the One, to Him being closer.
-in the name of Allah-

The following link will take you to my old blog that I never kept updated, but still contains lots of stuff in the form of old poetics and wise-like sayings. Feel free to browse.


As for why I am choosing to revisit the blog concept, there are a number of reasons.

One of them is someone who is close to me, yet so far away. There aren't many people alive who don't have such a person to think of, but the responsibility arises in keeping that person where, for the time being, they best belong. This place of belonging for this person, who at the present fulfills mere ideas, should be one where their image as a human being is allowed to progress with each passing day, yet retains what has been learned from the past. Until the day comes, if Allah (the One true God) decides that we shall meet and be joined by the scared rites that religion establishes.

Another reason is that there is a certain wisdom in the ability of an individual to express what thoughts lie inside their mind and heart. If the individual exercises his or her right to express, then it is better for them to do so. This spares the heart of excess weight and lifts undue burdens from the mind. So, I write here to express, and in doing so, aim to help myself and, Allah-willing, others in the process as well.