akc, 11/12

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

just like that, a bit earlier than expected, was this one tiny blessing that wove its way into my life, erasing all questions, just in herself a fountain, evoking love and tenderness, with tiny little fingers and toes, that i could wrap around my own, every movement she makes, every breath cascading into yawn, every cry for hunger or relief, every random sleepy motion, everything she does and is, all of it borne right into and out of my ocean.

so long as He has me living and breathing, bi ithniAllah this littlest beloved will never ponder a second outside the waves, always implicit in knowing: to be loved and living is one and the same, the spokes and wheel all in a singular motion. what shall i name this most special of all beacons? not quite certain yet, perhaps my Sun or Sunlight, perhaps my Breeze, or the Wind of my means, or the Spring of wholeness that i will pull (iA) with me to our Firdaus, where our imaginations and wonder only open the doors to possibilities? 

oh dear beloved, constellations and heavenly objectives, wish i could hold you altogether, be wrapped up in these embraces, the lover with his loved, but He tries me as ever with such distance, but...never think for a moment you're outside my horizon, absent from my skyline. one Day, if He had ever shown care to this slave of His, i will plead Him for your company, no matter the situations, or histories, or rejections, or dismissals, or utter ignorance i find myself too oft close with, i know for whom i seek, the places and mechanism of keys held to your dreams. 

this life is long, but my Rabb keeps me, and such a gift as He saw fit to show me, such a blessing is not one to take lightly, though light she may be. imagine, a nova i can grow alongside my own, shower upon and bask in her radiance at the same time? alhamdulillah, always and forever

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

know what's strange? no matter how big the ocean gets, no matter the potential wonder at holding my littlest beloved, no matter how many joys i might have close, there are still some candles waiting to be lit, in the backdrop of my mind? and so they cast their emptinesses around the walls of my inner sanctum, reminding me i have not yet been accepted, because such a moment only comes when i can hear your voice again, calling me so that i can answer it, that i can be lifted again by recollection of this one crazy person, who dared to love that bumbling idiot way back in their early adolescence, she who read the most epic of tales and whose imagination ran wild and free as the wind even though, for the world in which she lived, her surroundings oft may have felt like her own prison...in her mind, fueled by what she'd read, was a heart kept free, fearless though it had parted, from the one in whom acceptance was embraced implicitly, the comma of a sentence without pause, you're my undercurrent when everything on my surface is merely the automaton going through motions as life brings worries and stress in layers like snow that's balling. 

breathe light oh beloved, it's only in the state of being broken that we can turn to our Rabb, as His most needy of servants, and such is the truth He wills to persist- pain and affliction is often the basis of submission, for if we had no need, or no loss, or nothing missing, would we ever feel inclined for supplication? 

our threads are interwoven, even as His designs cut us out from proximity or knowing how you fare in this moment of time....this nomad remembers, the End he seeks from his Maker, the one where you held his hand, enveloped him in embrace, spoke to him some words it matters not what, for they fell from those lips, that to him had in his past life, become something of myth...but Reality, the ultimate state of things beyond the edge what these eyes see, that's where my aim rests, inside your arms, your bosom, where my peace is whole, full, right in place.