- in the name of Allah -

As the days and weeks and years slowly pass before my eyes, I am brought to sorrow for tears I cannot yet cry. A heart closed, made of stone, preserved underneath an icy throne, makes for such a regrettable tale: the loveless story of a simply mindless drone. I wonder when I'll ever catch again that whiff, to love or even hate, to be carried along such strong emotions adrift. Injustice abounds, contradictions everywhere, trying to find my place alongside people who sell themselves to fit as cogs in chains that shouldn't be there. Bound, eternally or for now, I wish I knew, every other thought I have is how I'm being held down and cannot escape from this prison I've been made in. I know the answers of imaan, but I cannot feel their strength, my other half is still missing, a desert in the ocean starving for heartfelt rent.


- in the name of Allah -

So October rolled right on by and I turned 25, but yet I didn't make a post here that entire time. What a strange life indeed.

The job search continues, though I've had now a few interviews at one place, alhamdulillah. It looks like the people there like me, so that might work out; part time in the beginning and maybe full time down the road. Perfectly fine with me that is.

I really wish I could reach out to people more often. Not so much as to communicate what thoughts I myself hold, but rather to take in different perspectives that would freshen ones already stale. Among other news, I have found that I cannot let go entirely of all of my idiotic idealism that I had held in years past. A longing that grows ever more chasmic doesn't really let that be possible. What kind of soul would match my own? I have no idea.

Along my tedious journey in this life, I come across blatant madness and hypocrisy in the news cycles every now and then. Israel's government still says it wants peace but refuses to stop taking over Palestinian land and building new settlements. It's pretty obvious by their actions they only really intend to force out the Palestinians from every meaningful or close to meaningful peace of land in the old holy land. Why do people purposefully allow the injustice to continue? Are AIPAC's dollars so important to politicians that they would overlook the suffering of a people because it did not suit their interests? If basic human morality was not enough of a motivation, those kinds of people should remember that karma will catch up to them sooner or later; Hell wasn't made for just anyone after all. So much in media is done for the sake of display and showing off. When will people realize the failing in such self-serving and vain endeavors? Being true to everyone else but one's own self is the biggest delusion possible, and the longer it takes to recognize that, the deeper the regret becomes at the end. /end_mini_rant

In other news, I want to write something poetic. Maybe I will soon, iA.