- in the name of Allah -

(shapeless thoughts)
I could take words from the deepest depths
Or straddle syllables on the highest cliffs
But every time I'd try
All you would see are ancient glyphs

My story hasn't yet ended
The life goes on
Truth decays into commodity expended
And to our present, allegiances are sworn

I need to feel, more than anything else
To be at least alive, walking, breathing, myself

But as of now, my sight is clouded
Hidden without discipline, by apathy enshrouded

As is my sight, my soul becomes
Opening and closing at whim, an outdated serum

Reach out, reach back to me, let me find
That we're all still people, not as animals
Killing and maiming, chasing in kind
Each other's legacies,
Our own blades dropping in gold, a blood-made-wine

It's a catastrophe that to prepare for peace
One should ready for war
Where's our nature going, from where's it come,
When blood is our past, when blood is all that's in store?

Yeah, I know my problems are tiny, almost below radar
But even I sense them
Since even from them I'm actually quite far

I'm at a place self-preserved
Where emotion is a glacier without reserve
Hearts are lost, minds confounded
For they've lost all their nerve

There's no spunk, no vitality
Just a deep dark lake,
Pouring out timeless death for all to see.


////

- in the name of Allah -



Happiness is often one of the most elusive things in life. Sometimes it lands right in front of you without any effort; other times, you can work for years searching for the fruits of your labor and still nothing becomes of it.

One of the main reasons happiness is so elusive is because people go about searching for it the wrong way. You would think that happiness might be found in fulfilling your desires and wishes, right? It would make sense to say that if people had what they wanted, they would be happy. Reality, however, points us in a different direction. It isn't uncommon to see the rich and famous struggle to find fulfillment in their lives, to try and buy it from any and every possible source. It also wouldn't be hard to find a poor person who is happy with what they have. So, what really leads a person to happiness? Is it his or her rebellion against what is perceived as prescribed fate, or perhaps their apparent acquiescence to its decree? I honestly think both of them would be at a disadvantage: one would rebel forever and become able to find solace in not even the most obvious of things, while the other would eventually lose even the most basic of ambition to become better or find a better station in life.

The question arises again, then. How do you find happiness? The easiest and truest answer I could give someone lies in a single word: I s l a m. Translated into English, that would be: submitting one's self to God. A very wise person once said that it may be that what you like is bad for you, and what you dislike is good for you. If we judge everything that we perceive according to our own soul/ego, how could we ever find those things that are in fact the best for us...by ourselves? I don't think we ever could. The road to happiness is often times a solitary road, but not a lonely one. Once the realization is found that happiness is pretty much with God/Allah alone, the only step to take is forward, towards Him. Let there be no delusions about how difficult the path will be, about how sometimes things couldn't seem to get any worse. Life was made with both its ups and its downs. Indeed, with every hardship there follows ease.

After writing all of that, no doubt I need to reflect on it myself. It scares me sometimes how little I can be contented with, how trite and meaningless seemingly huge goals that other people have are to me, for me. Deep down, since as far back as I can remember, I was someone who loved fairness, hated inequality, prefer innocence even in its invariable absence. There was no meaning in the bullying people did, no meaning in calling people names, no meaning in carrying on with fistfights. Why? Because a just world, or rather a just people, needed none of those things. Happiness was as simple and easy and giving someone you did or didn't know a genuine smile. There are times when I still prefer the innocence of youth to the supposed wisdom of age and/or cynicism. Those times are long gone, but sometimes it was just like yesterday.

The only thing for me to do is put the earnest foot forward, seek the truth openly, and leave the rest to God.

- in the name of Allah -

quiet rain

as my various realities
come bearing down on me
I give pause to thought
"how long must this be?"

if I dared gaze at what has past
no doubt I'd drown
in sins and emptiness and regret
piled on high from sky till ground

a different lesson I'm learning
tales of ancients you might say
is that to forge a new path
sometimes you must lose your way

I'll be the first to recollect in curiosity
to muse at what could have been
had I been as wise back then

but but, before my aim is lost
before I reach for fruits long gone
I know these branches
are near to breaking, bound by timeless frost

as such, I proclaim for myself the only road
is the only one I've ever known

a trail where time goes in one direction
where looking back is mere confection

I guess I understand, why man is so oft doomed
to repeat his past and learn it not
for tomorrow's sake, he buries it soon

still..
I plead and beg and lay prostate on my face
for Allah to be my guide
and forever my support, my solace.