- in the name of Allah -


Wow, it's been over a month since I lasted posted. Did not expect that to happen, as there have plenty of higher level thoughts floating around for me to digest, even some to formulate into poetics, but seemed nothing quite materialized since. 

Today is inspired by some of the recent choices I've made, aware of some lasting impact- for when is life possible to be lived without consequence? My present thought: sometimes when salt is rubbed into a wound, it isn't possible to get it out, no matter how flowing the river or how gentle the tap. Sometimes, it happens that this salt becomes part of the blood, absorbed by the skin and embraced by the organs, so that when any sensory function should recieve input...it's generally always taken with a grain of salt (almost literally). What does this mean for people? Can a heart's jaded pains ever truly recover? Are they even meant to? Every consequence affects us in some way, howsoever small. The way we speak to our friends, what we say to parents in anger, the times we let down promises or simply forget them altogether. Perhaps most poignant is the result of love and its loss, the ripple effects that some say will never stop rippling, pouring or trickling through into affecting all subsequent decisions to some degree. How is the loss of these things to be manifested? If the roads of this life are so painted with pain, why do so many (Muslims especially) force others to aspire to self-imagined utopias of pseudo-American dreams? Of course, I am being generous in meaning with the word "force"; few realize it is as such, that cultural and societal norms could ever dare compel a man to do thing he didn't like (perish the thought). Where does one fit in trying to subsist without these particular chains?

While I do not know the answer to this myself, it is similar to a state I find myself in. A state that simply knows I will always be myself, no matter how the weather changes around me. Strange to the utmost it is I should have this kind of perspective now, as once I used to think that I would like to look towards each day as an improvement, were I only able to improve myself in one single way. Alas, life is not so kind as to allow harbour such fanciful thoughts without repercussion. One of the most damning faults of needing this human contact, is that it makes us vulnerable to them by its very nature. As such, retaining a somewhat sparkly outlook remains not in line with the general consequence and consensus of life experience (it is usually hard, whether we struggle knowingly or not). Leaving such floaty thoughts behind, I came to understand that maybe the greatest individual struggle is to remain one's self while bombarded from everywhere and all sides (society, media, family, friends, etc) to be something or someone slightly (or drastically) different. Could different be better, more perfect, more fulfilling than now? It sure could, but there would be a loss of a certain pristine innateness in allowing pervasive external forces to shape one's perspective, a price I would rather not pay. 

I've heard it said people like myself, those inspired to poetry or philosphical thought or simply very keen on intuitive senses, have a hard time finding a place in society- a thought I see now is very accurate. There is just so little resonance, especially when one gets to know another better and better (seeing their worst sides, as well as showing one's own), that the antipathy to ideals becomes just too great without harmony, a thing I think is extremely rare to find these days. So many people and countries have divergent interests, most interested in superceding the other so much so without seeing the fabric of their own countries already collapsing as a result. Is it that worth it to have the money of the 'West', if all it will lead to is moral decay and governmental corruption?

These are my preeminent thoughts of the past month and a half. As always, I would love to know people's counterpoints to me, and more importantly, duas/prayers of guidance are always needed.