- in the name of Allah - 

how much longer need I remain in this abyss? its prisoner and guinea pig, passing others by, my role only left to wander? I know not how others live, how they themselves reconcile, a truth or past one cannot forgive, while fate makes a mockery all their whim and wile. how can I resume my old naivete, when all hope it seems, is built strong as dust, only to be blown away? how can promise's fire once again be lit, if the only thing for it to stoke, lies beneath an ashen pit, already smoked? how many more times can the hamster's wheel be turned, before hearts become as frozen tundra, impervious to any and all concern? how many more illusions need be cast, before love has but one meaning left: to crush in hand any dreams one can have, "reminders" of patience or vigilance, bitter dawns across horizons spanned? how many times can fate cry 'wolf' before those cries are deafened, arraigned by an avalanche of tears, when one's own sanity comes to be threatened? for some in life there may come a time, when only one thing need be lost, for all the rest to lose sense of reason or rhyme. it may be a child or spouse, a car or job, a savings or house, but once this tragic moment passed- nothing matters quite as it might once have. blame the person for being weak or unprepared, sure, but some refuse to relent in realities scorned. they carry wills of iron undraped by gleam or hope, resisting the rust of ambitions, while losing half their souls. a fair bargain? one is never sure, some bargains are struck while ill, uncertain if for them exists a cure.