- in the name of Allah -



If had a choice between having what I wanted most in dunya or in akhirah, there is no question what I would pick: akhirah, in Firdaus, every. single. time. 

By Allah it's amazing this personal reality I didn't fathom till now. The way I am, the way I look at things, the way the soul has always leaned, the answer to one of my history's most enduring puzzles literally feels like it just fell right into place. Surprising given that I'd already accepted and faced what Allah had decreed regardless, but this sort of retrospective in a moment in time where it only adds toward wanting to find my Rabb...is incomparable. To anything. 

Allah knows what people don't, sees what people can't, understands beyond our tiny scope. What beautiful a thing it is, to be able to find my self in complete resonance with a post from 09/02/05. It's akin to being a character in a story and not knowing what the author has in store, but eventually learning of that somehow anyway, like an orbit coming full circle. Wow what a road that was. Long as heck it seemed, such frequent and deep shades of darkness and gloom. But seriously, it was all worth it. It is all worth it. It always was worth it. It will always be worth it. Whether we see it from in front or behind along the stream of time, is irrelevant. WaAllahi this road is worth every moment. To find Allah again like this, in a way I'd forgotten in a younger self, to see purpose linked with past now tied to future, shaping these very moments I write this.....I could not have reached a single bit of it alone, had Allah left me to my own devices. It just couldn't have been, not even in the slightest, if He didn't help me, didn't watch over my wandering nature in a way that defies imagining. Without Allah I would have floundered and kept floundering in a mess of my own making, so it's only fitting that all gratitude and every shukr belongs to Allah entirely. Though my objective remains steady as ever, my purpose is Allah, as it was always to be.