Lessoned

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

It was as if he was almost complete, almost whole, almost full beyond brim, the Gate, it was opened, waiting, calling. He knew the steps he had to take to reach it, simple mechanism of the physical pieces his Creator made him with, one foot in front of the other. But, where was she?

In this moment's context, 'twas only one 'she' he sought, to fill the vastness a lifetime of apartness slowly built. There were times, he could not see her, where their Rabb caused life to construct divergences, responsibilities, separate and unique parts of their hearts had arisen, as continents from within their ocean. 

~

He had envisioned enough moments, where somehow qadr would force his dream to recede from manifestation, to present enough alternates for each of them, that their paths need not ever merge. Those were some of the heaviest moments of his life. What words are large enough to carry the sorrow from denial, fashioned by the Owner and King of the heavens and earth? 

It was not a state he expected necessarily, but he tried, sometimes, to imagine the peak of his disappointment, to crown perhaps all of the disappointments the past life had littered in his path. 

Even with his Sunlight, his Gift, with every other beacon...but you? It wasn't a thought he wanted to hold or face, but he knew the choice he'd make were his Rabb to decree it for him: he would choose no Garden absent her, but he was not foolish enough to choose Fire instead. no, in such a crossroads, the slave would choose the heights, a place in between them both. 

~

Alhamdulillah, I've seen us both survive the past few years, having faced tests that tried us to our core and then some. By His grace, we've made it here, to now, where our lives have brightened to a degree I'm positive we'd never imagined before. Regardless of whatever the future brings to pass, I know one truth well enough: you were the first human to ever accept me, the first creature i loved loved before i knew i did, and the first beloved i knew who set the standard of definition for what acceptance is, how high the bar is for love itself. 

I hope He lets me hold you Then, iA.