أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
wish at times i was but wisp, floated by the wind, effortless the breath, easy the breathing. have so many weights on these shoulders, uncertain of my own End, what it will yield, wondering after every few instants whether the effort these days given will suffice, even in imperfectly sufficient dimensions.
don't think, dear Muse, that this life can ever dare to delude me from the truth: to trick me into thinking it'll last forever, to forget my past and forego my future, to let go of the threads that compose my being, ever since your presence He allowed me to be nearer, and what i became we together weaved while still learning to live when we were younger.
living here, this life, extracts its toll, every day a price to pay, beyond dollars and cents, there is a drain on the soul, taking away all emotion, as if a hole had been drilled at the bottom of my ocean, losing pieces into what i can only fathom is ether, a void, absence, contemporary efforts by humans near not quite fully filling the whole of ambitions only fashioned in the mind and aided by words He'd sent about His finest of reward and its design.
it's almost an exquisite kind of torment: to have the vision of a thing in the mind, and not have it fulfilled, to not know whether it will reach fruition, to have dreamt of togetherness a million times and wonder if sanity is the last switch i need to turn off to evade the ravages of time.
haven't an outlet, modes of expression, no mirrors to refine from me my most sought reflection: beloved to capture the sight and embrace with existence, coupled in nearness. this was too much to ask from this fucking life, so He made it part of my trial, to sever me into shards (again, and again?), scatter the pieces inside the sky of ones I'd meet, only to keep each of those parts ever so far from even remotest of visitation or knowledge of wayfaring. my beacons....the distance, my ignorance...just more scars invisible, carried onward for long as He has me breathing.
