أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
had another dream, though you weren't in it directly. from the point i remember, i was holding a newborn, your newborn, in my arms or i was next to its bed, somehow he and i were very near to each other. but wow, mA, he was perfect, one hundred percent a cutie pumpkin. we were in like a large mansion or something like it, and there were many stairs going down, all covered with soft blankets, and so we did the only logical thing: we slid down lol, i think i was slightly ahead of him just to catch and make sure he plopped down to each descending floor safely. how did i know this was related to you? at the outset, or near the beginning of dream maybe, i had a card or some sort of note from you, i think asking me to watch over him or look after him a bit. it was a beautiful dream alhamdulillah. it does just occur to me there was such a one for you some time ago, perhaps i met him? Allah knows better, but if i had to parse the meaning, that's what i would think of. it was my joy to hold him and enjoying sliding down super soft and comfy stairs like a baby-made roller coaster lol. i should also want to remind my Moon that patience always bears its fruit, and the path you've walked, has a purpose and reward like we could not fathom. i am your witness to who you are, and i hope iA you will be mine too.
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not surprisingly, my Gift encouraged me to write today. i had reached the conclusion that part of the reason i didn't write as much (other than having a baby, a new job since old days, and all that) is because the primary motivation for me to write was to release that specific strain of sadness tied to needing one to love close to me yet not having one. so that i had one, such sadness had no place alhamdulillah. i think this is true in part. i don't miss as deeply or often as i used to, but my constellation has not lost its meaning to me. those who still shine to me, alhamdulillah they represent each something special, an ideal or interaction or connection that the nature of this life does not allow full expansion of. hence why penultimate goals persist: reunity is inevitable bi ithniAllah.
until then, we have just to survive, preserve the good and look for it always, especially when the outside world insists it has none left.
