-in the name of Allah-




So this is the place where I write. Something, anything, everything, is all yet to be determined. Officially, I believe I occupy the vacumn in life that often comes between the realm known as 'adulthood' and the realm known as 'adolescence'. However, I find dispute with both these terms. The world is so ruled by standards, so ruled by strength of comparison, it is impossible these days to weed out the truth from propaganda. Most of those in American society spend their time either mindlessly 'working' or attempting to convince others that they, themselves, are in fact 'worth' something. Others simply miss the radar, miss the blip on the screen, let 'life' pass them by. I think I occupy this latter group. Do I choose the mindless monotony and destroyed individualism on one hand? Or do I choose the rebel's path and bcome a misfit in a world of misfits trying to fit in? I could grant solace to those close to me by simply choosing to be like most others, but how can I when the conscience has not yet been settled? There is so much in life to be afflicted from, it's amazing people survive it any way. I have no idea how long I will choose to be seperate from my 'friends', from the masjid, from that whole area of my life that I cannot give meaning to any more. I am at a point where something must give meaning to me, must show its own accountability, rather than I, assuming the role of an understanding human being, should venture to account for them what they cannot for themselves. Yet still, some close to me will say that it is I who am evading accountability, evading responsibility, choosing the 'easier' path of apathy and nothing in the face of degrees, jobs, goals. To them, I reply should I or must I or can I assimilate to the mould of the masses and all the while remain true to my self? How do I appease the ones close to me, yet still remain loyal to the humanity that so struggles inside me? It is the fate of having to choose between two steep paths, both difficult, both having sacrifice involved, but which to take, and be not lost in its midst?



These questions pervade my otherwise innocuous days..