-in the name of Allah-


another chapter, albeit much smaller, in life comes to a periodic close. i wonder if i'm happier now that i've saved myself from high likelihood of grief only to find no avail everywhere else. i'm a step away from what's good for me and i'm a step away from what's not, so what am i closer to? there should be a pill for turning off the nafs and everything that springs from it. sometimes there'd be relief to be found in complete indifference. as that's impossible for me, i meander forth.


certainty is gold, comfort is silver, if i could gift wrap myself an ounce of each i'd be a trillion dollars richer. you might wonder why give myself a gift, it's because i can't quite find the other half in a rear view mirror's tilt. of patterns this i've noticed, imagination is fruitless as long as life is corrosive. building so many towers out of dreamer's bricks, everything evaporates once the stars of fate become even remotely lit. letting go now to be a little safer later on, i see gatsby's ball failed and his only friend came when the bullet revolved. ambitions and dreams, desires and goals, all make up the idealistic idiot that fills all the cameo roles. like a mime i follow his signs and try to gain mastery of time, but what's real and unforeseen clouds my vision to what's a given buried in smokescreens. to each of these ryhmes add a drop of bitterness and a pound of frustration, bake for a lifetime, open the casket to reap heavenly or hellish gestation.


-needing du'a