- in the name of Allah -


Been awhile since my last post, kind of wondering what I still plan on doing here. Yet another someone I knew has been pushed away, this time because of the weakness inherent in my own self. I had a dream I called an old friend and he simply ignored me and refused to bother reconnecting, which brings me to my next point- are relationships left for dead ever worth resurrecting? We used to know many good times, over the past decade, but it seems like time and its ever penetrating ability to make barriers has struck once again. People grow up together, then end up growing apart simply because life and they themselves are so different. Among my fears is that of being considered the same as I once was, something that leads me to avoid and despise places I used to frequent so often. I even tend to dislike meeting people from my past, persisting in the notion that their ideas of me do not allow for growth, that the image of myself in their minds is as static as wind in space. Were this true, I could easily justify my isolationist tendencies, but I cannot know what the case really is without subjecting myself to the very judgmental and over-rational behavior that I exhibit myself on occasion. No doubt it is a self defense mechanism, intended internally to protect and keep protected, but that so-called shelter leaves much to be desired. Human beings will always be social creatures, though howsoever preferential in what particular social setting they actually desire. The one I long for, the one so evident in the social institution of marriage, is delayed to me, as what it requires is what I as yet do not have. So time, one might think, is the essential conclusion to this predicament. It is, but the human soul does not live within time, the human soul is constantly reaching and wanting and wishing in places where time does not bind it, gardens of carefree bliss that do not depend on drugs, or quicks of social construction, but simply the overwhelming presence of what is good and the true food of the soul: the One.