- in the name of Allah -



One of the most striking pains I've ever felt is when I'd be talking to a best friend or else someone very close to me, and while relating something that they couldn't understand, there was a sense that some barrier was there between us. To try and be understood, and yet fail in the attempt, to be blocked off from closeness because what I said was too different...how do words encompass this? I can empathize easily enough with others, account for their emotional/psychological states, but when it comes time to have such a resonance for myself, it evades me. There was a time it didn't, and Allah willing a time it never will again, but still life provides ample tests for me to stay wary: Like a wrestler not yet out of the ring but mind hazy enough to think it is, or like a rabbit racing from a hawk thinking its given up the chase, never seeing the shadow till it looms too close. 

SubhanAllah there is no human feeling quite like resonance. I would call it the epitome of "love", but that would assume I understand enough of love. Not quite, never as much as I'd want. I suppose this underlies one of my primary motivators for Firdaus. To know again those frequencies, this time in their most perfect harmony. I have found it impossible to explain some things in life to another who hasn't felt it. How could one describe the sweetness of a mango to one who'd never tasted it? The feel of snowflakes to one who never touched them? In this way, my cage becomes most poignant, the need for sabr once more eminent. May Allah make it easy on me to keep the road to Him, ameen.