- in the name of Allah -

It is never as bad as it seems, never as worrisome as it appears. For me, this is at least especially true because when I compare the blessings I have on one hand versus what fitan I experience on the other, the scale is ridiculously in favor of the things my Rabb has given. I have so many reasons to just say alhamdulillah and let the hardships just fall away. Sure they might come back and pester time and time again, but that doesn't diminish the blessing at all. Just I need to remind myself how much truly Allah has gifted me, the people I've gotten to know, the family I can love despite anything and everything, the light He gave me that stays on shining no matter my nafs' attempts to ruin it. Invariably, His mercy and will far exceed my pitiful rebellions, and truly, maybe, this is the most important thing to be grateful for, that Allah allows one not to drown by their own mistakes, that He gives them continual paths outside of the corners we paint ourselves into. 

It also never ceases to amaze me the route I took to find this moment in time. It's one thing to have cared for another deeply over time, and not just in the typical capacities of family and old friends, but in the most rarest instances where the hearts embrace the truth, sustain it in one another, reinforce the best aspects, creating one good that leads to another good, leading to another, and another, and so on..until truly it is as if there is nowhere else such a connection can lead to except to Allah, the most desirable end for any who have sound minds and hearts. What makes this so stunning is the reciprocity. I can't say I ever deserved it, but these presently-slightly-distant bonds upheld a mutually similar regard that retains, by Allah's grace, the most important feature of calling back to Allah, establishing reasons and a vision that extends beyond time itself into the immortality of Akhirah. 

Truly, if these beacons didn't call me to Allah, they'd be no good for me. I've heard it said or read that either something calls to good or evil, to Allah or the shayateen. While I cannot grasp the full import of what seems in-between, from what can be discerned this is no doubt true. Yet another bounty from my Rabb that He made me what I am, lead me to know who I have, that He guided and protected the inherent goodness from being corrupted, such that I yearn now as I always have, to find truth, love knowledge, seek an end worth seeking, and ultimately bi ithniAllah find repose with them underneath the shade of His throne. May Allah make this always so, and complete for me all of my aims in the best of ways, ameen.