a return, and something For the Record

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 

alhamdulillah, got back last night. 

 

what a crazy past few weeks. originally return flight was supposed to be on 24th but Morocco (or US) changed their flight requirements and so a PCR test was required, even if I had a vaccine certificate. just one more experience of getting to an airport and having to delay/reschedule a flight because of some random issue. ah well, survived this too lol.

speaking of which, I met a ton of my Gift's relatives, like a loooot of them, a number for the first time ever. aunts cousins uncles, even a hastily-planned wedding party for a cousin. after some moments with my Gift, the best parts of the trip were a few amazing nieces mA, including some that were so utterly adorable - somehow they played easily with me, like they'd known me a long time lol. alhamdulillah, that was special. one of them, if I ever had a child, I'd want it to be just like her, beautifully-cute and elfy and full of cartoony expressions 😊😁

~~~

Among the special connections and conversations my Rabb let me have, one with my Gift should be recollected here, for the record, because of what it meant.

What I'd been trying to achieve, since the day we married, it seems to have finally and deeply struck inside of her: to fall in love. It's been a really, really long journey, even if 3 years of human time could never really capture what it's taken to get here. 

Main point though, I never want anyone to think that anything of what I have been or written, is because of my being unhappy with my Gift. She suffices me alhamdulillah, though it is true that my goal of the Garden and the company I seek is the same. I know the line here is hard to trace, that it might be easy to confuse the aims of a pursuit with the result of what's happening in the present, but the truth is that my goal of Jannah and my people, is one I've had for a helluva long time, since the earliest days of my childhood. I will pursue it bi ithniAllah for as long as  live, and there is not a human soul on this earth that could change my direction to it. 

But for now, while she feels as she does, I have to protect my Gift's heart as it grows to such a stage, and so I will change how/what I publish iA.

What is underneath and inside remains, even expanded and expanding alh. But for her safety and comfort, some parts of that expression will be kept internally. Perhaps a day comes in a future evolution where I can be free as I once was to publish howsoever I did, but Allah knows better. This isn't really something to bother me, as mA it's indicative of her growth in me that's been a long time coming. 

 

Alhamdulillah, this is just another part of the road, another part of the test. May my Rabb let us find khair through it as always, ameen.