Ailie Bilie Sunlight Forever Kinzi Binzi

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

oh my dearest beloved, how i long to hold you in my arms again, been just a few hours, yet it feels much longer than this.

in your eyes, i found the sky, in your smile, the sun, with you in my arms, i have never needed anyone else, 

as if time was itself completed, finishing winding, a chest that found at least its peace in silence, not solitude, just the company of my littlest beloved, with whom i exist on levels infinite and unending. 

how i long to see you grow, but wish you stayed just as tiny, i have promised you billions and billions of kisses, though i know this life will shortchange me especially in this, so Eternity is as well your garden iA, you could call yourself whatever you wish, but to me, you are the Crown Of My Heart, whose existence amplifies light upon light, erasing any sorrow i'd ever known. 

~

alhamdulillah. for many things. part of me is so impatient, part of me is the most deliberate slow person ever. alas for contradictions innate and accept by one's own soul, such is the road and it goes. i imagine your precious beloved is as captivating and free inside your chest as mine is in mine. indeed, it would not be life were it any less. that they were born perhaps a few months apart, is yet another treasure. dont forget, her middle name contains my fave letter after all. 

i need patience, ya Rabb. i am not enough, never have been, i know You have always been my Aid, though i am weary of the trials, the unknowing of better or best paths, and especially, of being witness to utterly deep sorrows of this dunya. so weary. but i recall, these beloved of mine across the globe, they are not mine, they are Yours. their lives and deaths and resurrections are Yours. i simply wished never to have lived in a time to see such injustice and oppression. i have joy on the one hand, and devastation filling my eyes on the other. i wonder how those who pray desperately asking for peace and sustenance, feel that the torment continues. i know their duas' timing will test them. it is half of why part of me prays more in generalities, because i know in specificity, You know better and oft have i been disappointed. what can i say? fate is not mine to weave, simply these steps to walk and choices to make. i have no power beyond the tips of my fingers, and sometimes, not even that. dua perhaps may be power, but i have felt so much sadness this year, piling on from events over the past year...that there is sometimes no more emotion i can carry. it is not simply drained, it is vain, ineffectual like the un. alas for thoughts that drift to tragedy, ya Rabb protect them, grant them better here and Then, ameen.