-in the name of Allah-
in the end and in the beginning ill always be what i am: just me. reading your words, my stomach churns and i know one of those fateful decisions i've finally made, but it wont be without loss, it wont be without pain. i dont know if its to be damned or not, but im always one of feeling, thinking or analyzing or looking past superficial meanings. i see what could be your pain because of me, but only if you knew the pain and abyss inside of me i struggle every day to overcome and rise above, you might not hate me so much or feel so down. i cant and wont be so foolishly arrogant to think the words you write are only as a result of what i do or say, but i do know that whenever i read what you write my heart speaks volumes to me, showing me its true color despite what seasons or seas may cause time to pass between us without even a sound either of us hearing. one of the things in my last lines was a lie: forgetting isnt possible for me, its not who i am, its not what i do, when i care and l*** one dearly its as if the stars shone brightly only a moments notice but enough to make the hopeful-but-hopeless casual observer remember and know the truth of those times forever. i may not be able to ease your pain but remember the words you once wrote: this is a test from the One who creates and moulds, people and time and places, so all find in the end what is their goal.
[edit:removed last few words for lack of appropriateness]
6 comments:
stfu liar
id rather laugh than take a face of anger, becuz u see i know the futility of words, and how theyre uttered without meaning toward another. im a liar, im a cheat, im far away from what im supposed to be, but dont condemn me to a place that never changes and doesnt let yourself truly see.
u may take my words as callous, and refuse to accept in them any sincerity, only to betray what took me years to build, and go against what you really know of me.
so how much exactly are someone's few cents worth these days? a dime a dozen, so look past the apparent and know ive bowed to His fate, forget what may happen tomorrow for it lies beyond my reach, so i only do what i can and am for today.
100% of people agree that thinker is irresponsible
(the above wasn't meant to be taken in entire seriousness)
:p
As I go scrolling through the past, this strikes me most: how stupid my younger self was. So much so it defies description. Lived and have learned though, alhamdulillah always.
It struck me also the part of "bowed to His fate". It took me a heck of a lot longer, after much time spent adrift, to reach that point. It comforts me that my Rabb never forgot either of us, keeping with Him all of those duas. In all things there are lessons to be found, so long as the focus of our lens remains steady towards Allah - may He keep it always so, ameen.
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