- in the name of Allah -



It is always curious, the case of (no, not Benjamin Button) one who finds himself on the outside, looking in. Throughout my existence, no matter where I went or who I met, I always seemed to make my own amorphous bubble of sociality. I didn't belong necessarily to any particular clique, neither yuppies or nerds or castoffs or druggies or etc. The reasoning behind this fact I have always wondered at. As one might expect, with age and some experience many personal truths come to light. 

People band together based on commonalities, things that bind one to another, whether interests or goals or delusions, the crux of it is uniform across the species. What binds me? Only one thing has ever caught my soul's attention that way and kept it: the ideal. How many such people existing in reality's vacuum are still able to hold such a perception? The inevitable refrain is that life lessons one learns harden them for what is to come, what 'has to be done'. This is no doubt true. But what else happens in the process? Do people realize how much of themselves is lost during this process? The next question, after ascertaining the previous, was the loss worth it? For me the clarity here is unavoidable. Life tries to cloud my sight with many things, earthly ambitions, human objectives and customs, but these things don't stick to me. Being like rubber (hey Luffy), stuff bounces off me (and sticks to you...lol) and just lands to those places/people where it finds a home. 

The biggest conclusion I reached, the most desired result, would be that I am able to make other people understand this, what I have written, what it truly means. Of course this is the most difficult thing. Human beings have the best time understanding something the more similar it is to themselves and/or their expectations. When something falls outside those categories, typically a 'non-conformist' anomaly, they resort to conjecture and fabricate/assign motivations/raison d'etre to it. This makes sense. The brain is always seeking to put things in order, whether consciously or not, so the end result is whatever is perceived has to find a place somewhere, somehow. It isn't this inevitability I lament though. I couldn't fault people for being people, just like I couldn't fault a bug for being a bug or mosquito for being a mosquito. These aspects are simply intrinsic to such creatures' being, and as such are not meant to and carry no meaning to debate/be disapproved of.

If any or all of this sounds like fluff, then one would not be far off from truth. In the plane of philosophy, talk like this looks to the outside world as nothing more than ether floating on the surface of creation, beyond the necessities and easily-grasped notions that the world and life normally occupy. The question really becomes, can these two planes be reconciled? That is, can it be possible to see both at the same time, to not lose sight of either, but yet hold each in its place without loss of focus? It might be that is what I need most in this life, a person to bridge these aspects of myself with the part of reality that is so starkly different. Presuming, of course, that life itself was worth the trouble of being engaged/involved with, something I am not entirely uncertain of.