- in the name of Allah -

Sometimes I have to remind myself that strength to continue this journey is not something I can find from people, it comes from my Rabb alone. As of now, while it is mortal breath I take, my beacons can be no more than reminders of Allah. Part of me, the part of the heart seeking its twin, even as it screams in inexpressible yearning, must realize and endure these moments because this is part of the test He gives each person.

Not every trial is the same between people, each individual tastes of that which would try them hardest. One cannot say if another's trial is easy or hard, only Allah knows the extent of it. For me, this is my test. Ya Rabb, forgive me for my weakness and make this passage exceedingly easy for me to survive, allow me to be patient that I find with You all I could ever want and more, quell the longing of my soul with sakinah from You, and leave me never to fend for myself for even a second, ameen.

In a not-too-different train of thought, I had a dream last night about my best friend from middle school, Sami, who passed away a few years ago from sickness (may Allah make his grave and hisaab easy on him, ameen). In the dream, we're sitting with people taking an exam; during the course of it I'm looking on his paper for answers as he'd already finished, and I remember "Surah at-Taghabun" being a key answer I'm looking for. In the dream and after I awoke, I had the sense that in this surah was something especially beneficial for me to learn. It'll be very interesting when I get to its tafsir in a few days inshaAllah, nearly there from my current progress in the Bayyinah "A Concise Commentary" course. Once I finish it, will be posting thoughts and results iA.