بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Once a slave, always a slave. For me, this goes to Allah, as it ever has. The only thing I have to give is submission, continually, regardless of circumstances, regardless of what I did or didn't pour into something. He owns it, just as He owns me. I can't say if there is any 'happiness' in revisiting this notion, in accepting it again, but there is definitely the rightness of it. After all, it's the only recourse for an 'abd. Which person would dare rebel openly and continually against the King of the heavens and the earth? Not i, for me is just those scattered moments where my feeble internal notions rise up, only to be quelled soon after. 

Of some events that happen, I hate them at my core, but there's nothing there for me, nothing from this life to be taken except to remind myself that I am His and that's it. Wishes and wants, even hopes and dreams, all fade into the background, all have to fade. For me, what's mine, is simply the inescapable knowledge that I am my Rabb's creation, that I will be brought back to Him and judged. Oh Allah, forgive me.