بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah. Some moments come when He has settled all affairs in the self, both internal and external, and there are no disasters imminent, no matters threatening dissolution.

Hope I can keep this state perpetually, if not always, then at least something He permits me to come back to after every divergence of mine, inshaAllah. 

Neither the past nor the future become overwhelming in such a state, it is simply the calmed focus inside the moment. I distinctly recall it beginning in the following situation: a few days ago I stay up post-Fajr, find some productivity, fulfill some oaths of mine, later in the day a thought occurs to me: "for the love of God, fear Him!". An invitation from within to return emphasis where it belongs, where every shukr is due, and to contain my internal thought/actions within the lens of His vision of me. Alhamdulillah. Too often have I been in the condition of patience lately, without being able or willing to consider shukr/hamd. Granted that is supposed to be the minimum attempt of a slave during difficult times, but the vastness of His gifts to me always looms over the horizon of life, reminding me that being grateful should never be something far off to me. Alhamdulillah, it is easier to be grateful when the hardships are tamed, and most often, in my case this means perceptually, calmed in the mind.

I wait. For all that I seek, for all that I need, I wait. In the meantime, there remains gratitude  for His mercy to continue lighting my path, for His unending guidance and sustaining in spite of me at times wishing the complete opposite.

Now is but the test, Now is not what we deserve, 

once we die, and in the ground are laid,

Then will we find our Judgment,

to see if we were worthy to find
what we all along had chased.