Temporal

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 at times the ocean overflows, with no avenues of escape, no ventilation for release, so circulate the airs, back into lungs that in themselves aren't enough for breathing. once the Gemini spoke of shores and how either of a twinned pair was waiting there, cpr in turns, so both could breathe whenever came its twin near. wish i could know such a closeness now and again, in the moments when i seem in my world the sole one molten and constantly in wayfaring, tendrils of touch and senses, ever nearing a plateau of potential, imagination knowing how and fingers nearly able to replicate the steps, but it takes two to tango when the drums start beating inside the chest. such simple conundrums, not like facing hunger or absence of water or utilities or utensils, no threat of war outside my door - alhamdulillah - but somehow peace is never a state i (like to) find alone, rather best tasted while embracing and being embraced, though perhaps my temps near too close to laval or volcano, and the Gift He's given still acclimating to a nature that is so different than her own. i'm reminded that this is but transitory, this life is not my goal or my ending, it has not my purpose nor my need nor my flame, but still it is the place of His testing, though less worthy a slave in such a month i doubt ever existed; i am not the one who keeps himself living, the doing is His, ensuring the heart still beats to a rhythm outside my perception. one Day, ya Rabb. i just want to be free, to love as easily as the eyes were made to see, to inhale the scents and joy of my beloved, light reflecting back and forth between me and them.

Ramadan

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

Wow, fasting...so that's what it feels like. Been well over a year since my last one, and this Ramadan, I'm reminded of quite a bit I forgot about. Body feels helluva lot older now, but I suppose it's a matter of getting used to it again. Still some ancient notions of rebellion present, of how this month makes life even more confining, another layer of imprisonment, but what can I say: a slave has to answer to his Maker in the end. Of course, this is in stark contrast to most Muslims that enjoy their blissful shaytaani-free month lol. My contrarian nature...yeah, that's what it is sometimes. 

In any case, the most important thing for this second is to wish my beloved a very happy, hopefully iA very joyful and productive, Ramadan Mubarak!!! 🌹

a Kilig without end

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

what can one say of bottle-popped graphic tshirts and a pup in the lap of luxuries, artistic self-impressions released along side a faithful friend who, i suppose, keeps you warm for me, no complaints for my being...kept waiting and patient by the One Who knew the twins since before they were something. wish i could relate the vibes the moment way back when, i read your words, "voyeuristic pleasure", the same kind of essence i myself would have held if i saw my Reflection being so free in her expression, carefully restrained but so indulging, of goals and memories unmade yet being chased after for as long she lived on this earth with breath for breathing. of course, i know you've already captured those vibes and measured them in yourself for later versions of ourselves to find, reanalyze and savor, let sweep across the tongue before their wholeness fills the bodies of their hunger. oh Twin, be forever grateful as the waves wash over, closing of eyes and letting the lungs take in the saltiest and sweetest of vapors: there's no love without loss, no relief without pain, no victory without defeats, no struggle without enduring every step of absence or agonies.....but i swear by our Creator, the price of submission and patience - so worth it for an Eternity of fruits reaped as quickly or slowly as we wish, each, simply one among His infinite favors.

 

 

this latter part begun around 3/16:

(in case one needed a reason to dive...though we do not)

stepping into the ocean, it starts with your toes, then up to your ankles and calves, reaching the knees, and soon thereafter, the water travels upward as it pleases, inside and surrounding, the curves and folds, of skin and flesh, parts of the outward whole tied, together, by the senses with the outer limits of the soul, somewhere inside these depths, meaning and manifestation merge, lines blur and fade until they become simply doors, both opening and waiting to be opened, to tattoo and trace the heart upon your skin, teaching us what twinship truly has in store, iA

 

 

 

Expressed

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

imagine if i could just sweep aside the clouds, with a wave of my hands, see you shining so clearly, no matter where i lived, no matter what this life shows us it has. God, how i hate the barriers and distances, mechanisms of our safety but agonizing my atoms, which would rather just fly off with you in endless collisions, recreate matter at their whim, energy absorbed and released in terms proportionally glorious as physical and supernoval. alhamdulillah, He's sufficed my path in this life, giving me breath beyond my choices but right within His designs...but this, this present moment, these present tranquilities (alh) and trials, hardships and eases, this place with its murmurs ever-heard and whispers teeming, it isn't mine, for our unity hasn't yet happened, like a comet waiting (for what seems like) forever to arc its ellipse around the sun and find its way back into the cloud it first started from. for me, there's no Garden if the Garden hasn't your light, your mirroring and your acceptance, the sound of your joyful laughter and smile, ingrained in my mind like an echo i can nearly at-will bring to the front of sight. sometimes i wonder, how does anyone ever get a memory like i've been given, so unpredicted and unknowably coming, visiting me in my moments most trying, but embedding within me like it belonged there all along since our beginning..of course it's been, unity and mutual, infinite expansion within each other's arms, i figure this was our goal since we were kids, in terms simpler but perhaps lacking in beauty i can now wrap them with. there's no question i'll meet Him again, be questioned for all that i did, be shown the good and my ill, but as my Rabb is my witness, you are part of my constellation, its intrinsic star, its minimum and maximum, and holding you forever - this remains utterly and for ever what i seek from Him.