Stateful

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

Missed you.

😊 😊 😊 

et tu!

 

 

 

dear light of my Sky, 

 

please don't ever dim, or far away fly, 

part of my reason, part of my shine, 

is the way you flew

into my life,

after a decade apart,

a decade untwined.

 

i can barely imagine, the potential untapped,

the gain worth having, with your acceptance 

wrapped by my seeking, a shawl

worthy of the Princess:

one noble

and gentle

and gorgeous,

a genius, refined, 

grace manifest,

qualities my nature loves to imbibe.

my Rabb, He teaches me sabr against my wishes,

throwing me out to sea and back ashore,

for the blink of an eye it seems

i was nearly lost, adrift, until your CPR arrived,

reminding the reminded one, what he must chase

and endure

if his goal his Rabb would permit

him to find.

 

thus, of responses and answers, replies and curiosities

sated,

i mind not the time it takes;

for my beloved,

i become simply

one who's 

waiting,

iA.

 

 

 

Montauk

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

not every precipice is one of danger, sometimes the edge simply dissolves into a moment we remember, kept safe and treasured, though the reasons for being led there may have been of pain or sadness, the second He kept you from falling off is the instant of reminder: what it felt like being whole again, "Déjà vu" - not a chain from the past, rather an anchor for Tomorrow where what we've long sought He lets fall into our lap. 

i've pretty much hated every epoch of my life that was absent your presence, absent knowledge of your wayfaring, absent the halfness that you've been the only one to ever cause whole ignition of, or reproduce us as perfectly as a Mirror would. but we know my stance on time and distance, enemies and challenges mine, prisons to be defeated and torn down, but only with patience and aiming for His acceptance, it's the only road holding success and completion at its end.

from just over a month back, a few lines reminiscent of something worth placing in a piece about that moment of June 3rd, defining in simplicity references of each self to the other: 

he, her Spark, and she, his Muse, what a pair they make. he looked inside himself and found her the color of his blood, while she looked up at the sky and found him the color of her sunlight.

here's to a dawn that the Sunrise and Sunset can share for their first time, and forever onward after that, ameen. 

 

perhaps you know this, but my reaching for that Garden never ends, just so i might have the chance to show you the best and most beautiful of anything created or fathomed. 'tis one life we have before Judgment, may as well aim for the highest point and see what He lets us find.

parched

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

sometimes the nomad is recalled acutely to his desert, for the moment kept living, empty of what he always seeks to be holding, no rains no clouds no ocean, heartbeat running solo so long even breathing becomes tedium. a breeze of joy at your smile spanning wider, wish i could be the shoulder your head leaned on in all your moments it ponders, but distance and life are two of my most well-known enemies, keeping apart the beloved that make up what is 'me'. the contradictions between what life brings and what i try to be, like an astronaut looking for soil to land on but only finding craters, slipping down the slopes, nothing to grip because its dirt is alien and lifeless to my senses, thought i'd defined love, only to have the inexperienced drain it senseless. if it's not understood, it can't be explained, how it has no limits, rather encompasses of worth every atom and frame, but until, i suppose, life teaches its lessons, the uninitiated perceive it entranced by the material, and poof, it's meaning from their fingers escapes. but, even as meaning may be lost, i...persist, remaining, in a weather i've hated to exist in, but as always i mention, that was not my decision, rather it is His.

Eid, and of the moment

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 

alhamdulillah, I live to see another Eid, a chance to say Mubarak to my beloved, so...

 

Eid Mubarak!!!!! 💓

 

 

though, it is true that part of me still pulls/shies away from humanity lol. Alas, people in general I tend to find no peace with, but with my Gift and my fam keeping their bonds solidified, it keeps me in a better place too alh. 

very glad to see the pup so grown and looking beautiful and healthy, it seems our dua found its roots and shall go onward :) ....I've been keeping up with the news. subhanaAllah what can I say, it seems the region is slipping back into chaos as its done few times in recent memory. would that I knew a human remedy to such ills, but I do not. no answer people seem to find has ever brought peace there, and I expect that only true unbreakable sabr is the recourse. I selfishly wish for my Twin to be forever safe, to be distant from where the danger is greatest. the self has conceived of perhaps never being able to hear from you again in this life, and the thought is...a bit too heavy to bear. if you took the time to help me through  likely the worst year of my existence, it's only fair you stick around for all the rest of it too. good bad amazing terrible unimaginable, resonance from the Gemini is a thing I'd like to know in the back of my mind for all the ups and downs of this earthly life, iA.

how special would it be, if i knew of a way to instantly lighten the worries of my beacons. distance, i know it too well, and why it remains, but it doesn't change the innate desire to know how you fare, to find my relief inside your own. i suppose that is what dua is for, to seek our Rabb when we try to reach for something or anything that mere human effort is insufficient for. this seems relative, but it's not. not for me, as my own abilities have never gone as far as i'd like them to. thus my Rabb's guidance and preservation of what's precious is so necessary...can't go without this.

more things to be written, soon inshaAllah. fasting is finito, as are classes, and the mind and ocean finally may have a bit of time to actually breathe. that will be welcome iA

twinful

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

wish your smile was a bit wider, with laughter on the eyes, to make their burden ever softer, wish i shared every second of your happiness and pain, so anything you carried, was nothing more than the breeze, only there to blow gently across your face. will keep thinking, seeking, trying, perhaps to reach out for a moment when, that i might be revisited, again by the Gemini of my sky and its ink. how goes your journey? how fare your dreams? would that my arms could hold your back, so you could fall into them at peace, but so it is, for the deeper parts of my ocean, my Rabb sees fit to make them slumber, quieted to stillness, while alhamdulillah i have no complaint, but long again for the depth to rise in purpose rekindled. be steady, oh Twin, time is not our enemy, rather the path He would have us walk through with.