أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 

Ramadan Mubarak!! to all my beloved. 

 

it promises to be another eventful year, progression along various fronts, personal and professional development happening, trying to build advancement on top of completed studies iA, alhamdulillah for the end of that journey. academically could look at pursuing an MS once I get some experience, iA, so I feel more grounded in my knowledge and field. 

 

the current state is one of trying to take care of present job, while applying for others, maybe get a foot in the door and see where it takes me iA. home life is sound alh, no complaints, the Gift is perfectly suited to be my rizq, and though most facets of my expression aren't manifested, i've accepted that the Garden is truly the place of my freedom, and every step in every prison before Then, is a price willingly paid just to have the chance at attaining it. Allah knows better. it's strangest because i am innately contrarian to the general flow of people's thinking - perfect example = Ramadan comes, most feel wonderfully more spiritual and religious. but for me, it is just another layer of imposed command on top of a slave mired in a world he can't quite mesh with. it's odd seeing how quickly and effortlessly people walk without the shackles of shayateen's provoking them it seems. ah well, to each of us is our struggle. 

among various things to be accepted, is ignorance of how my beloved tend to fare. i don't know if i will ever stop writing that damned sentence in this life. it has been written far, far too often, but the skin grows thicker with every passing day. some moments are like arrows and pierce instantly, but most of the moments, the armor against absence builds more and more, until some times come where i can scarce feel the constant reminders of who isn't there, who i haven't heard from. but that is like ozone, or cosmic radiation, such reminders' constancy in raining down on my head, eventually some armor withers and it hits me, while rest of the time the armor is rebuilt and rebuilding. 

i will love you Forever, for as long as He gives me breath to breathe with. my ask of Him includes to not willy-nilly change what is in my chest into something else, to preserve what i have known. i should hope nothing of the ocean ever fails to reach you, that no day passes where you cannot swim in it if you so wished. it's there, for you, as it's always been and will be iA. being composed of my beloved, it's both a weight and an ambition, a fire to drive and see driven, to its brightest point. inshaAllah we get to know its fruition