Belonging

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

Of the motivators that exist, a sense of belonging is perhaps the strongest. Whether to a group of friends or family or coworkers, whether decided along the lines of dress or age or religion, it's something we intrinsically look for. It isn't hard to observe how people change themselves, especially in their teenage years, but honestly at every phase of life, just so they can acquire a feeling that they belong with/to a group/person.  

I noticed this early in life, and somehow knew that the more I tried to find this belonging, the more my own identity would fade away. Probably sometime during high school, between sophomore and junior years, I chose my path, one that wouldn't have itself beholden to the whims of other people and whatever happened to be trendy without good reason. The consequences of that stuck with me, but alhamdulillah. There is a certain peace and clarity my Rabb allowed me to taste, eventually. That is priceless, and though I still can't fully gauge self-worth, I can say with absolute certainty that such a point and presence of mind/stillness is worth it.

How would I have my beloved share this sakinah too? After dua, and writing of my journey here, that is it for me. If it were safe to reach out as I could, as my undercurrent of inclination is to, then I would try it. But many barriers exist, most prominent that He put forth a natural distance and silence between me and most of the ones that matter most, for reasons long made clear.

More to write soon iA