Worded

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

if words were wands, i'd probably be harry already, choose from a million different cores to paint any of countless canvases the mind has fathomed since our intersection first dawned. alhamdulillah the blessings are plenty, like fortresses against calamity bec they all came from our Creator Who knew since long before, the measure of all matter and what helps or hurts inevitably. truly though i think the Aiel were right about this life, its of us anyhow, this life is but a dream from which we wake and go, so sometimes we gotta self-remind to not attach too much on things that feel like weights we can't control. i dont think i'll message again, since you opened the window for me to see just enough in, how your journey fares, or least what occupies the mind, not that land tho, i know, the heaviness of what He decreed is just difficult to palpate sometimes. i see some bits and pieces of His plan, how the end of times formulates, how man descends and regresses into worse than pigs or apes, but for me, inside of my bones, i know what i am...just a slave, who controls not the wind nor waters nor weapons nor knaves, such elements He causes to act as He wishes the path to evolve in to...the burden of this knowing, that such tragedy and calamities some of beloved will face...what can i say? my words are poor as tourniquets, such is the bleeding that those who truly bled feel, a feeling too well acquainted. i know this: there is no salve here, on this earth, this plane, justice will not be sated here, it is a well that we scarce drink from, though our thirst is deep as the ocean itself. i wish they took a page from Gandhi or Mandela, dropped resistance level to zero, and said unto God Himself: "we are Yours, do whatsoever You please, we will stop none for we have no power to do so, none among creation comes for our aid, so You and only You are our Aid forever more". who says this but one who hungers for reunity with their Maker? my pains and troubles in comparison are few, i should be grateful, alhamdulillah, but i don't think most people care to internalize how powerless they truly are in the grand scheme of things...it's terrifying and pretty much just an acceptance on the level of oblivion. a deep realization to be sure, and not one suited for most people. but grace is from Allah, and that is Whom i hope all of my beloved remember our return is for. 

Continuance

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Ramadan Mubarak to all my beloved🌹 and ummati, may He make it yet another means to secure our Eternity, ameen. 

Alhamdulillah, life progresses with its challenges and responsibilities and hopes and concerns. I've been wanting to write for the past few months, but often time doesn't agree and by the grace of my Rabb, often when I revisit, the typical emotional ebbs and flows that accompany writing, He has them tempered and subdued.

my Gift and Roshni, they're as gorgeous as ever mA. Gratitude is so simple when one sees one's blessings day by day, to know a refuge from loneliness and to see reflections of the soul in one's beloved. it's without equal an experience. though distance from some of my beacons remains, alhamdulillah the Moon can still be sighted at times and it's a precious thing to know. others He has kept in quiet distance and apartness, but as i am oft reminded, this life has never been known for permanence in anything. so if my resolve remains and objectives reach beyond the arms of this existence, then there is yet the Aim to be found and sought after. 

one of the consequences of accepting more responsibility in life has been for me, that i feel the depth of injustice more acutely. on a global scale, some events and present realities cut so deep, the wound is one that can only bleed. i wish that the qadr were not so brutal for some of my people, but the reality is weightier than any words i can write. my consolation, and i hope they realize theirs as well, is that this life is and always has been, temporary. the scope of the pain and agony and injustice can only be measured and rectified by Allah, not by any mortal means or mortal courts. solace won't come from human peace agreements or human compromises. it is something found in the presence of our Creator, when all deeds of all humanity are made manifest. i cannot pretend to know the price of belief in such a state of desolation and powerlessness. if i can borrow from some feelings on similar matters i've felt before, on a much more personal scale, then i can say...that giving yourself up to whatever our Rabb decides is all that remains. i learned this when i began chasing love and Eternity, and i figure the same reality holds true for a person no matter what the nature of the conflict at hand is. whether personal and emotional, or material and survival, there is reached a point whence our own efforts will never come close to sufficiency, and our only recourse is the One Who sent us His Quran and Rasool (saw). if you have imaan that your Creator owns you and will never let you go, then you are fine and taken care of, by His Grace. this is the knowledge needed, it is the staff of the soul, good for any shepherd or traveler through this life.

Peace

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

wish it were simple to spread peace, to heal the rifts plaguing our species, the animosities and divisions, tendrils of ego affecting outward as if some actual villainous substance. i don't know how many of my beloved and believing brethren these words might reach in, how often, but the attempts will be made regardless, of offering these scattered words as a small signboat in the wilderness, so we might remember that this life's end is not all that there is. 

~~~

it's fairly incredible, waiting 15 years or more to be connected on a level overtly social, but alhamdulillah, He's permitted me such vision, even if silence persists, i can see my Moon and her pumpkin, together, as beautiful a pair as these eyes could ever imagine. there is something to be said for the journey to find reunification, a trek throughout the oft-sparse wastelands of this life. the journey onward goes, and alhamdulillah a million-fold, not just for one whom remains part of the penultimate goal, but His mercy given through having such a Gift and...my littlest beloved whose light outstrips the known universe itself...I think "Roshni" is an apt nickname, translated of 'sunlight', in a more eloquent way though. The journey would have been beyond maddening absent these most joyous provisions of the soul. but alhamdulillah, my Rabb gave me such for this life and the next.