the most pleasant Inversion

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

when you said i should rather be looking up at the supernova, the corollary to that, of you holding the position above, honestly that's where you've always felt rightest to me...how i would envision savoring that most regal of mortal embrace. how to describe the kind of inner joy it evokes, to know one's beloved reaching for one's self in such a way? all i can say is alhamdulillah. because some hours before i read your most welcome of well-wishes...i had a silent wish internally hoping to read something you wrote or hear from you. my Rabb brought it to pass, and i have the makings of yet another future memory engraved into my soul. your timing...the well-wishing right at the last line, given the moment right before it...is like offering another the most heavenly cake while being its topping at the same time. you are everything i could ever want in someone to long after, especially because you never made my longing an island alone...it was a longing shared, resonated, reflected. alhamdulillah forever and always. 

the next chapter i might write has begun cooking in the back of the mind, taking a vampiric cue from recent conceptions. inshaAllah i'll give it a few months to bake, maybe publish by the middle of winter, when nights are longest and coldest, it might be a suitably contrasting tale in the same vein of the season. 

of aims, for the Valkyrie

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

once Maahiyum

to pick a word as summary, beginning and ending, of what it was i sought and seek still, from moments long since past, to moments yet unfilled, i wish to be your libaas, your mortal shelter....when all the world and its nature, shows you its truest colors: cold, callous hypocrisy, imitating of meaning only shells, then one amongst His creation, would be your haven, your counterpoint in which to safely dwell. 

i don't know if such a thing can be understood, outside of calamities, outside of amalgamations of resounding grief,...absent such types of tragedy and pain, how else would we as humans value serenity and peace? 

in your case, i cannot say if i will be accepted, if i will find the twin of my aims in mortal life reflected, and this gave me cause for reminiscent anguish, that i've felt few times as forever being enough. would i alter my course? not in the slightest, His gifts have abounded me, He has sufficed me utterly and wholly, and howsoever the future paves, it takes not away from whom is worth knowing.

for as long as breath remains, a writer writes, of aims and their price, the cost is everything submitted, to see what He lets grow from life. 

Interconnected? Absolutely

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

"Could two be so interconnected that they could feel and see what the other felt and saw?"

Yes, like a pair of atoms in a molecule, there's no other destiny my element would ever choose, except this one where He joined me in you. On some Future occasions, some excursions to ecosystems exotic and utterly breathless and tailored for our indulgence, one might prolong the moments, draw so many letters and shapes with fingers and tips of tongues or other such surfaces, that the Pearl would throb as a heart set aflame in passion, before its consumption came as relief is a glacial river pouring over a volcano now unburdening of pressure. 

Your crescendos are the essence of my dreams, the reason a lover wants to breathe...to pass along the gift his soul found in acceptance and peace, as just one portion of (truly, His) reward that your sighs might only ever onward result from being at ease. 

I. feel. you.

may our Rabb bring about the most beautiful of Aims and Destinations to pass, always and especially as salve for the wounds the road there will have us know. ameen, bi khair ul khair idhan abada. 

replied

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

one of the most transcendent qualities our Rasool (saw) had was his ability to suffer the grief of others. his soul was deeply sensitive and his mission was to a people of relative barbarism who valued traditional ego over true kindness. we know the kind of reception he had from them, what he had to endure in the seerah.

that man (saw) is our standard bearer. honestly it makes one grateful to be his follower, just from knowing who he was and how he dealt with people. but fact remains, his Rabb showed him and supported him in ways beyond anyone else's ability to grasp. we reach our limits far faster than our exemplar.

if i had the chance to advise a beloved, i would pose a few questions/conditions before deciding a next step. 1) how much support did i have from my surroundings? did my nearest kin by bond have my back or not?, 2) how long would such a state of affairs be expected to last, of a known or unknown length of time?, and 3) what would departure entail for one's most precious beloved? 

i know well the kind of vitriol can be had from some types of fam. it's incredible. i've known some things from nearer kin than that. perhaps its partly cultural too. but if i had the luxury of counseling patience, i would take that route first. 'tis always easier to deconstruct a thing, than it is to build something.

duas are thine, iA forever, through now till Then. 

Inscribed, Eternally

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

"Hope you don’t mind that it’s gone."

not in the slightest, my memory and quick fingers, managed to save every letter and consonant, so that in whatsoever time on this earth remains, i can treasure those moments, when her soul my beacon bared.

~

i do not know if you knew this before, had we ever revealed our wavelengths to each other so clearly, but that experience, that culmination of experiences, encompassing hopes and longings and ideals, that...is the single greatest Pinnacle i've ever sought with another human being: to love a beloved who longs to be loved how i wish to love {ie in a very similar vein to Goulding's Love Me Like You Do}. there is no more language on this earth, spoken by mortals, that can do that particular "OmG" any justice. my incomparable Muse...alhamdulillah. there is much more i have to write on this, of expanding on this exploration and internal affirmation of the heart and nafs simultaneously. but for now, thank you for the most gorgeous gift one could not even imagine..until it happened.