- in the name of Allah -


How to begin a post like this? I want to describe my state from the past couple days, but I have nothing similar in my experiences to draw comparison from. Alhamdulillah, it's...like the deepest chasm my soul had ever known, has now closed, it's healed. When I read that previous comment I didn't expect to find this place, heck I didn't even know this place existed. For so long the backdrop to my being was one of this pain, this heartache, I forgot what anything different could feel like. The lens I saw the universe has been colored for so, so long, through an experience of subtle agony and loss. But now, there is a certain quietude, a gently flowing perspective I perceive from anything I see. There is no trial inside left to quell, no longing denied left to quench. If there was a tunnel with a white light at its end, this is what I might think of the exit. Amazing. There is no other single word to call it. Except of course to add, that I owe my Rabb many thanks and gratitude for seeing me through to this point. Not only Him, but to my friends over the past few decades, from old ones who sent a chain email with a dua in it, to the ones who gave sage advice in passing without thinking twice, to the most recent one who helped me grow and heal, all of these have helped shape the foundation for the better part of me. Alhamdulillah that I got to know them, may Allah secure their road to Jannah and reward them with what is better, ameen.