بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Little one, hold on tight to her hand, make it something you never let go, to find someone like that in life, you may never come to know. She's not perfect, nor claims to be, but deep inside her chest, burns so bright a soul, one that I've always found gleaming. Love her like a mother, she'll give you all she has, treasure her when you're older, so you repay her gifts, with that which makes her glad.

Bathed in sunlight and its glow, no coincidences here, just two settled and at ease, safe in each other's presence. Even if these words you can't remember, wait for her stories at night, and go with her on her adventures, and if she ever sheds a tear, just hug her tightly, so she knows you're always there. 

~

So content his face, like he knows his destiny just for him awaits, at so young an age, I hope for you a beacon he remains, following in the footsteps, of he who is his namesake. Show him love, but don't forget to let him grow, wisdom comes not from trees, but in the bruises that our knees might show. InshaAllah every little lesson, a gentle one at most, teaching decency and trust, so he keeps on giving for others, no matter if he finds in others a home. 

~

Every step we take, from infancy to grown adults trying to find our place, there's a part of us inside, that lives on and never fades, if being true to our selves and Rabb, is all we ever chase. 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Came back earlier today from a trip to Cali for a friend's wedding this past weekend, mA it was pretty special. The two bros of mine who invited me for Hajj, invited me to our mutual friend's big day, and alhamdulillah I'm glad I went. So many little nuances to this trip, almost didn't go even with paid ticket/etc, but crazy things happened and persistent friends kept trying so the trip goes through. Things like that always make a difference. 

It's beautiful there, amazing weather, very friendly people. Not somewhere I'd want to live long-term, for a few different reasons, but each place in the world comes with its ups and downs. What my Rabb has given me and where I am, I couldn't have any complaints. 

Interestingly, I'm starting to take more pictures. Never really a habit of mine, but I find myself trying to encapsulate memories especially as keepsakes to share with my Gift and those closest to me. 

Something from Huntington Beach:

Waves and a shore, soon to meet...how fitting for me these things are. Also saw so many amazing mountains, but was considerably harder to catch good glimpses of those. 

A few lines, from 3/23: 

sometimes we're all a little dimmer, sometimes we can shine, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's what's inside, growing gloom, a loss of glimmer, trapped inside a moment, we can't fathom in the mind. 

This ^ was more reflective of a friend's state, dealing with the trials that come with finding a wife. It's felt like the struggle has worn down his soul to the point where the brighter upside becomes very difficult to find, and all that's left is dark and sour sarcasm to show. I've known a time like that, but nothing I say seems to ever really help for him. InshaAllah his relief comes soon, the burden lifts, and his road ahead inside and beyond this life becomes clear, ameen.

 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

3/18

Once upon a time, you were having a really bad day and couldn't find anything to be happy about. When I tried to convince you otherwise, you asked me to name one thing thing so you'd reconsider. I said, "aren't I the apple of your eye?!" After a well-deserved laugh, you replied, "you're crazy, that's what you are." 

I haven't been any different since. What truth the past tells us, remains so. Why else would a man chase love from one life into the Next? I know there exists a place for our atoms to reunite, I know this as surely as I know my own name. The price to reach it, it isn't easy to pay, but I've already given it, am giving it, will continue to give it by the grace of He Who created me. 

One day iA, I will truly become the apple of your eyes, from our start in this life, and ever after the Day we rise.

~

Alhamdulillah for the few moments today, where my Muse still kindled in me a reason to keep hope as always. Even in silence, there are things to be grateful for, and knowing you is one of many, many blessings I've found. Sometimes the conversations running through my mind take me forward, and sometimes they take me back. Never detrimentally though, I have only fondness left for everything that's happened so far, no laments of anything from before. Too many precious, beautiful gifts gained along the way for anything less than complete shukr when reflecting on the past, and when charting for the future. Of course, the present has its constant worries and pulls, but therein is balance for us.

The transmission definitely stays aqueous...I'm an ocean after all, welcome to the currents :)

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

gonna have to leave it all alone, can't take it with me where i go, doesn't matter how long, i end up walking this road, even if the Sun fades, even if the Moon hides, even if i start to drown, beneath my own tides, can't no body else save my soul. 

wish i could fold my chips, pack up my clothes, gas up the truck, drive anywhere, call it home, leave behind every piece, that i never owned, just one thing, this life: what i never chose. 

whenever it was, i need other than Him, i trip and i fall, over and over, blinded and enthralled, something is missing, maybe my sight, maybe the mind.

no Muse, no sun, no shade, no Gift, the desert is life, but calmness, it reigns. complaints empty, avenues open, uncongested, except by vapors choking, trying and tested. 

no anger, simply disappointment, couldn't reach a beacon, or give a gift, with love, anointed, an oil, a lotion, sought so little, forgot i could not, so became from the heart, disjoined.

walking as automated, learning to like, programming in code, such it is, my thoughts in trans- be-lated, injections of semicolons, from the higher plane, been amputated. 

it is alright, i still breathe, He keeps alive, a choice to vanish, wish i had it, but never materialized. so physical remains, whatever's present, whatever's contrived, to forge ahead, this march of mine, towards the destined End, waiting just outside of time.  

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah. Some moments come when He has settled all affairs in the self, both internal and external, and there are no disasters imminent, no matters threatening dissolution.

Hope I can keep this state perpetually, if not always, then at least something He permits me to come back to after every divergence of mine, inshaAllah. 

Neither the past nor the future become overwhelming in such a state, it is simply the calmed focus inside the moment. I distinctly recall it beginning in the following situation: a few days ago I stay up post-Fajr, find some productivity, fulfill some oaths of mine, later in the day a thought occurs to me: "for the love of God, fear Him!". An invitation from within to return emphasis where it belongs, where every shukr is due, and to contain my internal thought/actions within the lens of His vision of me. Alhamdulillah. Too often have I been in the condition of patience lately, without being able or willing to consider shukr/hamd. Granted that is supposed to be the minimum attempt of a slave during difficult times, but the vastness of His gifts to me always looms over the horizon of life, reminding me that being grateful should never be something far off to me. Alhamdulillah, it is easier to be grateful when the hardships are tamed, and most often, in my case this means perceptually, calmed in the mind.

I wait. For all that I seek, for all that I need, I wait. In the meantime, there remains gratitude  for His mercy to continue lighting my path, for His unending guidance and sustaining in spite of me at times wishing the complete opposite.

Now is but the test, Now is not what we deserve, 

once we die, and in the ground are laid,

Then will we find our Judgment,

to see if we were worthy to find
what we all along had chased.