بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Alhamdulillah, got an extra hour (woot) and figured out part of my Python assignment. Life progressions coming even despite some wavering of the self. Something that's been on the mind on/off lately about my connection to my Rabb:

When I'm nearer to Him, I can't imagine ever being distant. When I'm farther away, I feel I can't sustain ever being near again.

Being close, comes with the knowledge of having one's needs taken care of, being able to appreciate that which one does not have, of being grateful daily, of knowing my Guardian has final sway over all matters.

Being apart, it is as if I am the only person in the human race who is adrift on an ocean I could never control, whether it be the heart, or the external tumult of life that tries to impose itself.

The price of nearness is not something that can be understated. Wanting to stick with one's Rabb, in contrast to every other force in life that's either trying to delude or grab attention, is not an easy pill. Interestingly, though I've thought I would swallow it, the self still rebels at times and all that's left is the skeletal phenomenon where bodily movement of living and worship happens, without an anchor into the meaning and need for such things. 

Ultimately though, if a person can see their blessings, there's nothing quite like this connection to Allah. Rabb is gonna be Rabb, at the start of the day and its end, through darknesses and light, He's the first one to seek.