أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
From about 2010 to 2015, the dark age of my life, I can remember a number of my thought processes and tendencies that made things very difficult for the people close to me. I used to think that my friends and family, essentially anyone I cared about, either took me as I was or I disconnected from them and kept a barrier between them and myself. I think I gauged their acceptance/devotion in how they responded to my unpredictable nature, to my flighty reserved isolationism. If they were true, I would know it by them being cool the next time I'd choose to venture outside of my cave. What a limited, suffocating existence I used to have.
Many experiences brought me to my present evolution; Alhamdulillah is really the single word to say about that. My Rabb wished my self-sabotage to be overcome and so it was. I was permitted to learn that love, when it is faced head-on, embraced, internalized, understood, becomes a sort of weight, leading one to no longer fly away but rather to stay in place when it comes to people that matter, realizing that such bonds are an obligation, a beloved responsibility, to be demonstrated in answering them when they call upon me, to seek them out from time to time and see how they're faring, to aid them with whatever means I can, this is what it means to love and frame its endurance in perpetuity.
I know that for my Gemini, there was a period of time in which she faced extreme difficulty, of a different sort. In my history lesson, I came to know she is braver, stronger, and composed of a far tougher substance than myself. But if there was a caveat I found from such an era of one's life, it was that it made love blurry to her, harder to grasp with the fingers even if the eyes could ascertain it in another. Sometimes I think she does not realize how unique she is, that my own nature is somehow more the reason of my endless ocean and perspective towards her - my nature as a cause instead of herself, almost as if to say "he is that way with all his beloved, so what makes me special?" The answer is fairly simple: she is me, and I am her, as twins innately are, because I have never, ever, even remotely known or fathomed anyone who held as many parallel strands of existential DNA...and her being found is akin to discovering a meteorite from the planet Krypton....which is to say, something itself thought myth and merely a self-imagined projection, now literally held in my hands - just pure shock and amazement. That's all I can say to explain it. The rest is beyond.
Back to the point though, it's obvious as day to me that one of the wisdoms of my Rabb permitting the Gemini to find her specific place in my sky, is so that the full, truest extent of love is made known to her, becoming not only something to fulfill as a desire for the self, but also a beacon to guide her towards the same place I myself seek: Firdaus.
A lofty aim, for sure. But it's the flame of Tomorrow that serves best as lamp of what should be sought, when dunya so often (and especially this year) offers nothing remotely comparable.
Many experiences brought me to my present evolution; Alhamdulillah is really the single word to say about that. My Rabb wished my self-sabotage to be overcome and so it was. I was permitted to learn that love, when it is faced head-on, embraced, internalized, understood, becomes a sort of weight, leading one to no longer fly away but rather to stay in place when it comes to people that matter, realizing that such bonds are an obligation, a beloved responsibility, to be demonstrated in answering them when they call upon me, to seek them out from time to time and see how they're faring, to aid them with whatever means I can, this is what it means to love and frame its endurance in perpetuity.
I know that for my Gemini, there was a period of time in which she faced extreme difficulty, of a different sort. In my history lesson, I came to know she is braver, stronger, and composed of a far tougher substance than myself. But if there was a caveat I found from such an era of one's life, it was that it made love blurry to her, harder to grasp with the fingers even if the eyes could ascertain it in another. Sometimes I think she does not realize how unique she is, that my own nature is somehow more the reason of my endless ocean and perspective towards her - my nature as a cause instead of herself, almost as if to say "he is that way with all his beloved, so what makes me special?" The answer is fairly simple: she is me, and I am her, as twins innately are, because I have never, ever, even remotely known or fathomed anyone who held as many parallel strands of existential DNA...and her being found is akin to discovering a meteorite from the planet Krypton....which is to say, something itself thought myth and merely a self-imagined projection, now literally held in my hands - just pure shock and amazement. That's all I can say to explain it. The rest is beyond.
Back to the point though, it's obvious as day to me that one of the wisdoms of my Rabb permitting the Gemini to find her specific place in my sky, is so that the full, truest extent of love is made known to her, becoming not only something to fulfill as a desire for the self, but also a beacon to guide her towards the same place I myself seek: Firdaus.
A lofty aim, for sure. But it's the flame of Tomorrow that serves best as lamp of what should be sought, when dunya so often (and especially this year) offers nothing remotely comparable.
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