(un)Replying Fwd:

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

"I think you quite enjoy it actually, so I wanted to give you a bit of a chance to do that." - really, i don't, rather not have the chance to be missing, rather take the chance to be holding, beloved not at a distance, but instead captured by my arms, threads from fate finally tangible and interwoven. ~  my deeds like the web of a spider, in this life i'm still taking it strand by strand, seeing if perhaps the end result can become a masterpiece by Him accepted and chosen, a construct not intended to trap and consume, rather pull and lure and tease into an alternate direction, one forward, to akhirah, to time Infinite with possibility and potential. i swear by my Maker, our lives here will finish, sooner or later, there's a limit on how much life is left, currency to spend on actions worthy of slaves seeking His admittance. wish i could take my emotion out of the chest, fashion it into a signpost, one that tears back the falsity of this life and reveals the goal of Time: simply to end. if He would have me saved when it mattered most, but chose to keep me bereft of my beloved that into my destiny their lives He'd wrote...what then could i say? what joy is there for me to have if a single beacon is absent from my ocean? will i not, with the eyes He gave me, see the potential of what could have been, and lament for all my existence how i could not hold her once or again?

i don't know how to call anyone to my Rabb, such wisdom is above my paygrade, outside the scope of a mere slave who happened to dive into love. i would think to say, 'look at your blessings, see the moments He saved you from tragedy or dissolution', but maybe such instances weren't as clear for them? within this context, all i have are my words and prayers, that no light in my sky ever dims or fades, not by the sighting of my mortal eyes, but in His, He Who is fit to judge and be sought for all time in all place.

i remain my self, even in absence, even in silence, there was never joy in distance, only in imagining what unification might look like with you and i, two flames in one candle alighted. onward i suppose i will write, even as the tank empties and revives, even as clouds come with rain but obscure the light of my Sky.