conceiving the Two Rivers

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 

survival is a long, long road. it doesn't consist of just one stop sign or one intersection, but the journey itself is littered with obstructions, at every corner and bend imaginable. in small but consistent ways, i evolve. for me, every evolution is primarily about perspective, expanding it, accepting the various factors that my Rabb incorporated into this life, aspects that weren't chosen but rather exist simply to be overcome. 

 

living, going onward, chasing, enduring, having enough fuel enough for the trip.

 

all of this, reminds me of a man who has at his right and his left, two rivers. he is in a boat, and one paddle must dip into the river Now and the other paddle must dip into the river Tomorrow, and only in that way, right and left followed by right and left, does the steer of the ship remain straight; only in this way, might his mind be able to keep sane. 

 

consequences and needs worldly, of sustenance and taking part in earning and supporting and caring...must combine with consequences and needs otherworldly, of intent and action and remembrance of one's Maker and His Rasool (saw). 

people might look at this and wonder, of course this is so, how could it have taken you so long to reach this? they might not know how deep my internal resistance ran, how long and often i kept distant from being too closely tied to this earth. right now, it doesn't feel like i've overcome anything, rather just that i accept (maybe even embrace) treading through this reality, taking in what it is without separating myself from it cognitively. possibly this was at the root of my lifelong dissonance, but also acceptance entails being okay that dunya and i will simply always be different. i will try to never be absorbed by it, or drowned in it, but it is a bewildering swamp that He decreed i walk through, so my steps will be in it, whether my liking is there or not.

i do love rivers. though not all such bodies of water are created equal. an ocean, freshwater, would still be my preference. sometimes i am emptied of this wish, emptied of the ones who fill it, emptied of the Muse that enlightens it,..but this is okay too, the journey is a long one, and iA it's gonna rain sooner or later