- in the name of Allah -


Ya Rabb, if I said I knew this was a test, might that be the end of it?..

..Somehow I knew it would not be so easy, not so fast. 

From a post on fb by an Ustadha Hassan:

Did you know that the word "museeba", loosely translated to mean "calamity", comes from the root Arabic word, صو ب, which denotes an arrow which has struck its final resting place, its designated target.
When we are struck by "calamities" our first instinct is to cry out "why me?". But the amazing fact is that this hardship, this museeba, was never intended for anyone else but you. You were not in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was not an accident that could have been avoided. It was a blow that was intended to land exactly where it landed, by the One who knows you intimately and knows exactly what you can and cannot handle.
Our calamities? They are custom-designed, "couture" trials tailor made for us by the One who knows our dimensions and our fit perfectly. And how could He not, when He fashioned us and graced us with every gift we enjoy?

So, so much this. While I have no need to cry out 'why me' (lol I know exactly why me, it couldn't be any other way), the present museeba being faced is so beautifully, precisely made for my nature that it boggles the mind. 

But for me, for some time now, I've accepted I am His. What's truly mind-blowing, in all respects, is that the road ahead of this museeba could go in a few different directions:

1- it goes completely sideways, what I think I see is not it at ALL, Allah turns it flip upside down worse than Fresh Prince-style, and then He sees if I follow through with my word and stated resolve in being His slave

2- it finds its way to agonizing completion, what I think I see ends up really being there, and Allah tests me to see if I am grateful for this unimaginably amazing-beyond-belief gift in this dunya

3- it gets stuck in some middle gear, a la Friends, and ends up stalling into oblivion, Allah tests me to see if I try again and continue to seek His aid while doing so

 The incomprehensible part here is that is the museeba could fly both ways, either working or not. Yes, obviously, going by logical deduction it's completely DUH, but that multiple outcomes exist..and one of them might be the second! It's sheer insanity!

smh, this affliction...Allah knows better, always. I thought it'd run its course with me in the past, yet it turns out not done yet. My evolving doesn't cease, it continues, the trials don't get smaller, just bigger. Nope, no coincidences, just exactly like it was supposed to be. Duas I make it to the finish line intact with my Rabb pleased with me, will always be appreciated.