- in the name of Allah-


How nice and safe it would be if people like me could know and feel without letting down any walls, without having to find out if it really was the sky outside that fell on people all. But this organ in the chest, it beats on its own, not by my will or choice or whim, nothing me for to start or stop, except, a door to open in trying to reach another with whatever of me that's left. In submission to Allah, what I'm really learning, is each and every experience is a piece of the puzzle, that I have to fit, regardless what pain around the corner may be hiding. Whether it means to leap off cliffs towards a slightly-far-away bridge, or to keep away that which might take me farther away from Him, the unknowing is heavy beyond words but a knowledge I have to carry regardless. it's true, my eyes may as well be closed for all the good they to me might show, but for whatever it's worth they're open and seeking, affecting the hoping and needing and breathing, though at times it would suffice for each of these to be unneeded and to swim simply in echoes and beckons unfeeling. But to wallow in this self-imagined misery was not the point of aims matured so far into tomorrow eternally, this and these remain but further tests of my soul and all inside me that rests, to see if the better path I choose and if I hold on to Him despite whatever life makes me think it is I might lose...by Allah, the Rope I will hold, by His permission and the mercy thus far He's shown, forward it is I must go, that I may chase forever those Gates of Firdaus.