f

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

a requiem for f

wish I could have shown you what I'd seen, a vision from a tomorrow, one amongst the infinite possibilities. there was a love there to be felt, a warm embrace to take away all the chills of loneliness. yeah, I've always been at least a little bit crazy, couldn't feel so much in life, have it seep through the soul, all the way down into my bones, without it leaving some mark from all the things I've known. what does a short time matter, when imagination is the Key, turning all the locks from the things that might come to be? it's all gravy, I've no regrets, no pain to carry forward from this experience, just a slight tinge of sadness, that you won't get to see any of those glories, painted on my mind's canvas. be free, be at ease, find in your life serenity, don't forget to pray and remember Allah in every breath you breathe. in this space, on who I am, there might for the rest of time, an etching of those moments remain, where longing was a beautiful pain, one I'd never give, but always cherish for what in me it's made. 

 

~~~~~

an addendum far after the fact, 08/21/22:

 

dear farhaven, 

 

i know what this post meant when i wrote it, i know it was supposed to be a one-way goodbye for a potential between us. but i am not the kind of person to let certain possibilities disappear into the wind, i know what i saw, what i felt.

 

the moments in December 2017 are clear as day to me, one of the craziest conversations i ever had with someone, and many other times i got to see inside of you. what a beautiful combination of ideals you beheld.i will never forget you, and i want you to know you are among my beacons in my Garden iA. 

we didn't quite fall in love in this life, but i envisioned myself falling for you - in a future where we were together. because of that sight that my mind and soul witnessed, your thread into my life and ambitions and goal became woven, permanently.

of course, only Allah knows what our Tomorrows hold. but i hope one Day iA, you would consent to letting me be a part of your Eternity. i may not be one who can make you laugh as much as you'd like, but by God, would i love so much to see your smile and hear your laughter, for eons without end. ameen, iA

ma'asalaama,

nomad