بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 SubhanaAllah. It seems like the recent adventure with a potential is over. Far too short for my liking, but Allah does as He wills. It is just for me to accept what He decreed for me to feel, and what He put in her heart to do.

I accepted her fully, completely, was maybe one or two steps away from loving her - while not knowing much about her other than I'd gleaned she had a good heart and was beautiful. It was interesting that she sought in me someone religious, but that the many quirks of my being came off too strongly. It would be nice if Allah allowed that connection to be completed, but if He wills me another direction, then He's always been my Rabb and me just His slave trying to find my way to His ultimate rahmah. 

I am over my past, wal-alhamdulillah, but I don't fear it nor do I run from it. I love whom I love without condition or reserve, they need not earn it but to be who they have always shown themselves to me as. My past is a record of where I came from, who I once was, but it doesn't define me nor does it strangle me. Quite the opposite, it reminds me most poetically of the mercy of Allah in how He guided me through some very tumultuous times, how He allowed me to know a few truly beautiful people that might serve as templates for me of what's worth chasing.

Onwards it is I have to go, being me in all that I am, that I might find someone inshaAllah who wants to love like I do: completely and wholly, who is undaunted by being loved, who knows that ultimately she's returning to Allah and so her wisdom better be to find a like-minded soul. Hint. Hint. 

:D