the Present of today

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 

Sometimes, the choice we make becomes us. Since the very seeds of the notion first knew their place in me decades ago, till their more recent refinement over the past few years, the path I chose has become something that carries within it, everything of myself. Every part of me has been subsumed by that choice, leaving no action outside of its intent. For clarity, I'm referring to my pursuit of akhirah and full reunification with my beloved. It's been the only matter of true substance this dunya has ever shown, ironically enough as something it itself wasn't built to contain but point to a container (Jannah) that could. In many ways, I've also noticed the choice choosing me. My Rabb has the most unimaginably subtle ways of catering tests specifically, purposefully-tailored to each of His slaves, not to mention their accompanying ironies that often leave me shaking my head in bewilderment. But He knows what I am, having made me from before I ever drew breath. Alhamdulillah, I can take a great deal of solace in having Him behind me and whatever meager mortal efforts I've expended. 

My Gift is settled and settling in, and part of me has found its inner turmoil quelled (be grateful to Him, silly nafs). While full completion of my every facet is not a state fit for dunya, apparently given how complicated I am, partial peace is without question very welcome, alhamdulillah. These days I carry echoes of Tomorrow and the needs of today, each in a sort of sine wave of attention. Most quieter moments take me ahead, and ones with speech with those near tend to bring me more to the moment. 

 

I think my posts may be a bit more occasional and not as frequent as this summer and the past few years, but hopefully iA my beloved always find their arrow pointing them forward. 

 

 ~

 

For now, a resonant wave to the Gemini:

among my most precious aims - to be the chimney to your flame, draw away the darkness and the smoke, so breath is yours to breathe, leaving your fire pure and unrestrained. wish i knew how He'll draw the map of your destiny, so my twin was never left unknowing, or in amazement or disbelief, but i trust that He will never let you go, composing every puzzle to your pieces, until they're united and made whole. be cognizant, oh twin, this air our lungs inhale is not free to take, for it merits recognition of blessing, from our smallest cells, to the largest parts of ourselves that may not yet have filled us. for what reward is there for good, except good?