SubhanaAllah, what a year. In it, some of my hardest moments and some of my most cherished memories. Without a doubt, it surpasses in trial and magnitude of unforgettableness any other time I've known. How would I summarize it? Not sure, but for awhile, there were two particular blessings my Rabb allowed me to have for my hardest trial. For much of the first half of 2020, He permitted my Moon to shine brighter than ever, granting me a vision of Tomorrow to help sustain my journey. But He was not finished with what He'd have me see: for much of the middle and latter half of the year, He allowed me to know again my Twin, strengthening and brightening my ultimate goal into shades I did not know light could possess.
If two such gifts were not enough, finally, at long last after months and months of wait, He permitted my Gift to arrive in the States and be embraced. To be sure, chemo and relative solitude and distance from beloved all combined together as a hellish experience. But the khair and reinforcement of goodness and resolve...well worth the price. Alhamdulillah for always, but especially in a time like that, to not be bereft of hope for too long, to be able to be reminded in ways that both reflect the best of me and also inspire me to be better than I am.
I would not give up my chase of Firdaus and my beacons no matter what He would have me face, and I have already committed to Him all that I am. What remains is to fulfill my covenant to my Rabb as often and best as I can, and keep well the ties of family and responsibility He would try me with.
There are many, many things felt but unsaid and unwritten of my beacons. My Gift slowly enters the deeper layers of the ocean, and I'm realizing the care I have to take when integrating my beloved in myself, as yet they know not much of one another and this dunya is what it is, though I am what I am too.
A few of the thoughts that sprung to mind of late:
Lunar reflections - Being blocked sucks. But bi ithniAllah I think there is khair in this too, for the safety and focus of all. My wish vis-à-vis my Moon is the same as ever, wanting to know how her orbit fares. As usual, my Rabb determines when this can be known and when it cannot. InshaAllah little dude is getting bigger and healthier with his sibling, and especially health for parents too. Though my ability to be close He has chosen to limit for now, never forget that my dua is behind you always iA.
Gemini echoes - Oh Twin. Alhamdulillah for you, and for waiting until the moment He permits me to hear from you again.
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All in all, I think what I have after the past year is more reasons for gratitude to my Creator and resilience towards my aim. I'd call that a win, alhamdulillah.
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