for freer winds

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

 even absent leaves, my birds still come around, even when it's freezing, taking in their seeds. wish so often i could join them, grow wings rather than legs, let the sky be my playground instead of earth which keeps me grounded. this world and its affairs, so much for which to take care...only seem to pile up higher, the price of a path chosen, overcoming being alone, even if not quite complete while inside of 'together'. parts of me i cannot yet share, like my Moon once wrote, topics that cannot be delved, remaining beneath the surface, when ones near have not yet become the miners, sharing with us our treasure. oh God, were that i lived as bird, even if my aim became shallow as a branch, or nest, or leaf, the wind would then be my ally, and not merely passing breeze. the very nature of atmosphere would aid in giving lift, should any spot no longer be as welcoming, i'd simply open wings and find one that is.

i know the fate of this life, its purpose and its essence, but it is so dry a wafer, sometimes catching in my throat, and i rather not swallow all its price, of existing, but also of reaching for my Garden in earnest. where are the echoes of my beloved, who might know all my speech? even if their selves i cannot hold and inside their arms i cannot be held, i might wish to savor their reflections, and know this journey as one less restricting. but the cost...i know the cost is distance, and waiting, and trying ever onward, even in moments when all my self seems dissipating. 

forgive me ya Rabb. sometimes what tries to glitter, i can't give even the merest recognition that it might be gold (like, the dunya).