- in the name of Allah -
Nothing vanished, it all remains, locked away in a safe,
secure from outside theft, or from within escape,
like Pandora's box, to be kept closed for its own sake.
Sometimes though, what's inside is so deeply missed,
memories from tomorrow, become all I can see or give,
leaving few with whom to share, and appreciate that bliss.
That's alright, fine by me, I don't crave the world, or its life,
for He made my soul, and in its making, it craves His light,
that He may rejoin my pieces, and turn all wrongs into Right.
10.01.2017
9.29.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Once I wrote that being in love for me was like stepping into a deep pool, with significant risk of drowning. I think this analogy was somewhat flawed. After considerable, slightly-related introspection, I have come to realize that I am the pool, and love the act of falling the soul intrinsically leans toward. It seems to me that falling twice, once in part and once completely, suffices one person for a lifetime. Or many lifetimes. 🙂
In any case, it's part of my nature that I try to delve deep into things, understanding them as well as I can, and so resonating echoes may be heard by those who reach those depths with me. Perhaps a better way to explain is that I tend to conceptually internalize everything, bringing it closer to where I am, in a sort of reverse-delving where the mind is a microscope for deeper examination of whatever is brought near. This fits my introvertive nature, letting me analyze what is external in a familiar setting.
No doubt this character trait has its flaws. Human perception will never be perfect, not in this life. Our ability to sense, understand, empathize, deduce, extrapolate, fill in gaps, finish sentences preemptively, predict futures just days or hours or even minutes, all of these are incomplete for us right now. It is ironic, in literal circumstances, the farther down one goes into the ocean, the more confined perception becomes to nearer and nearer proximity, light is scarce, darkness abounds except in those instances of bioluminescence (ie self-released light). Great, now I'm an angler fish looking for "prey", lol.
Regardless, alhamdulillah for this trait. It's enabled me to unearth reasons for shukr to Allah in all the events of life, decipher patterns and trends and potential pitfalls, and make u-turns when even warning and awareness didn't deter the nafs. Perhaps the most important side-effect of this depth is that it has a tendency to look at things long-term, and prefer the things that are stable, will last and be permanent, so much so that the eventual end-road is nothing but Jannah itself. There is no other alternate destination, no acceptable substitute. It is the place where one meets his Creator, finds his peace abundant in spades. For any that may know me, and those I wish to know, I'd figure Jannah-tul-Firdaus is truly the most worthwhile of meeting places. May Allah make it ever-easy for us to travel its road, ameen.
Once I wrote that being in love for me was like stepping into a deep pool, with significant risk of drowning. I think this analogy was somewhat flawed. After considerable, slightly-related introspection, I have come to realize that I am the pool, and love the act of falling the soul intrinsically leans toward. It seems to me that falling twice, once in part and once completely, suffices one person for a lifetime. Or many lifetimes. 🙂
In any case, it's part of my nature that I try to delve deep into things, understanding them as well as I can, and so resonating echoes may be heard by those who reach those depths with me. Perhaps a better way to explain is that I tend to conceptually internalize everything, bringing it closer to where I am, in a sort of reverse-delving where the mind is a microscope for deeper examination of whatever is brought near. This fits my introvertive nature, letting me analyze what is external in a familiar setting.
No doubt this character trait has its flaws. Human perception will never be perfect, not in this life. Our ability to sense, understand, empathize, deduce, extrapolate, fill in gaps, finish sentences preemptively, predict futures just days or hours or even minutes, all of these are incomplete for us right now. It is ironic, in literal circumstances, the farther down one goes into the ocean, the more confined perception becomes to nearer and nearer proximity, light is scarce, darkness abounds except in those instances of bioluminescence (ie self-released light). Great, now I'm an angler fish looking for "prey", lol.
Regardless, alhamdulillah for this trait. It's enabled me to unearth reasons for shukr to Allah in all the events of life, decipher patterns and trends and potential pitfalls, and make u-turns when even warning and awareness didn't deter the nafs. Perhaps the most important side-effect of this depth is that it has a tendency to look at things long-term, and prefer the things that are stable, will last and be permanent, so much so that the eventual end-road is nothing but Jannah itself. There is no other alternate destination, no acceptable substitute. It is the place where one meets his Creator, finds his peace abundant in spades. For any that may know me, and those I wish to know, I'd figure Jannah-tul-Firdaus is truly the most worthwhile of meeting places. May Allah make it ever-easy for us to travel its road, ameen.
9.25.2017
- in the name of Allah -
long are the days where the wind of the world blows in my face, but of the world I know it too must fade, like the bones and whims of men, back into dust from whence we all were made. no matter, I shall simply seek His shade against the winds of time and need and fate, that my Rabb may keep me safe from that which I cannot love or want or chase. the only ally in human raiment from now I'll ever truly seek, is only one with whom He'd be truly pleased, that my steps towards the Garden might be lighter made, and for us both easier to reach.
long are the days where the wind of the world blows in my face, but of the world I know it too must fade, like the bones and whims of men, back into dust from whence we all were made. no matter, I shall simply seek His shade against the winds of time and need and fate, that my Rabb may keep me safe from that which I cannot love or want or chase. the only ally in human raiment from now I'll ever truly seek, is only one with whom He'd be truly pleased, that my steps towards the Garden might be lighter made, and for us both easier to reach.
9.22.2017
- in the name of Allah -
:]
Beacon, the Second: Noor ush Shams
9.22.17
Every tale has a beginning, and that of my beacons is no different. Before there was the Moon to cast its pleasing shade, there was the Sun to open eyes with shining rays. This was no ordinary glow, unlaced by ultraviolet or any harmful frequencies, of instead a pattern firm but in its essence mellow. It never sought to overpower, nor let itself be dimmed, or cause another to fade, but always sought in reason a middle ground, remaining strong in purpose and in place.
Though it is true that the Sun did set, so fate may let rise the Moon, so it remains ever true, that the light from one makes the other more beautiful too. Like so is my sky perpetually lit, whether in day or at night, whether in sadness or in joyful grin, of all the blessings I've been given: I consider knowing these two, among my most treasured gifts.
:]
Beacon, the Second: Noor ush Shams
9.22.17
Every tale has a beginning, and that of my beacons is no different. Before there was the Moon to cast its pleasing shade, there was the Sun to open eyes with shining rays. This was no ordinary glow, unlaced by ultraviolet or any harmful frequencies, of instead a pattern firm but in its essence mellow. It never sought to overpower, nor let itself be dimmed, or cause another to fade, but always sought in reason a middle ground, remaining strong in purpose and in place.
Though it is true that the Sun did set, so fate may let rise the Moon, so it remains ever true, that the light from one makes the other more beautiful too. Like so is my sky perpetually lit, whether in day or at night, whether in sadness or in joyful grin, of all the blessings I've been given: I consider knowing these two, among my most treasured gifts.
9.20.2017
- in the name of Allah -
couldn't (quite) tell ya where we're going, couldn't quite tell ya how long it's gonna be, the road we've started takin, leads me beyond the end of all I've seen.
even on such nice and windy days at summer's close, that which seems to be so far off, traps me in the arms of sadness and its throes.
but alhamdulillah, quick as a sneeze, it fades from the present into memory, along with that which in this life we'll leave; going forward we carry only what we've done, that tomorrow might be one of ease.
on some days, the phantom is more solid than he knows, steeped into this life he was given, ever-yearning for more than what the eyes are shown.
couldn't (quite) tell ya where we're going, couldn't quite tell ya how long it's gonna be, the road we've started takin, leads me beyond the end of all I've seen.
even on such nice and windy days at summer's close, that which seems to be so far off, traps me in the arms of sadness and its throes.
but alhamdulillah, quick as a sneeze, it fades from the present into memory, along with that which in this life we'll leave; going forward we carry only what we've done, that tomorrow might be one of ease.
on some days, the phantom is more solid than he knows, steeped into this life he was given, ever-yearning for more than what the eyes are shown.
9.12.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Alhamdulillah. For every moment of troubles, there is its pair in moments of ease. The ones who look forward to meeting Allah should never let such reflection pass without some gratitude to go along with it, for shukr is the among the best things we can show to our Rabb of our servitude and connection to Him.
Sometimes in life you come across a thing, that places a certain piece of the past in such perfect context, one has no choice but to smile. There is a hadith I came across, "Learn a portion of your religion (deen) from this red-colored lady [Humayrah]". SubhanaAllah. I also know one who was 'colored red' :) . And so, instead of ever taking any other example from any where else, historical or literary or otherwise, I decided that the following should be stated for the record:
_____
The Ode of Forever
For as long as Allah places in my lungs, this breath,
So beats the heart, carrying on until its death,
For as long as my bones in grave remain,
Until that Trumpet's blown, the Day finally came,
For as long as Allah wills us to stand until we're judged,
And by His mercy, opens the gates of Firdaus above,
For as long as at those gates I need wait,
To say, when you found yourself at my side your place:
"If I wouldst be thy Muhammad, wouldst thou be my 'A'ishah?"
...by Allah's grace, a love outlasting all the ages, inspired of an Example ever pure and perfect.
_____
Alhamdulillah. For every moment of troubles, there is its pair in moments of ease. The ones who look forward to meeting Allah should never let such reflection pass without some gratitude to go along with it, for shukr is the among the best things we can show to our Rabb of our servitude and connection to Him.
Sometimes in life you come across a thing, that places a certain piece of the past in such perfect context, one has no choice but to smile. There is a hadith I came across, "Learn a portion of your religion (deen) from this red-colored lady [Humayrah]". SubhanaAllah. I also know one who was 'colored red' :) . And so, instead of ever taking any other example from any where else, historical or literary or otherwise, I decided that the following should be stated for the record:
_____
The Ode of Forever
For as long as Allah places in my lungs, this breath,
So beats the heart, carrying on until its death,
For as long as my bones in grave remain,
Until that Trumpet's blown, the Day finally came,
For as long as Allah wills us to stand until we're judged,
And by His mercy, opens the gates of Firdaus above,
For as long as at those gates I need wait,
To say, when you found yourself at my side your place:
"If I wouldst be thy Muhammad, wouldst thou be my 'A'ishah?"
...by Allah's grace, a love outlasting all the ages, inspired of an Example ever pure and perfect.
_____
9.04.2017
- in the name of Allah -
The 85th
Alhamdulillah another Eid nearly done. As the groundwork continues to be laid for tomorrow, looking towards akhirah, pieces of the intermediate puzzle seem to fall into place. A chance to help out a friend arises, correlating with the possibility of progress in worldly affairs. Rare are these kinds of opportunities where one can save two birds with one stone. inshaAllah it turns out well and remains ever in earnest for His sake.
This also happens to be post #85, marking the most I've ever written in any single year. 2006 will never be forgotten, bi ithniAllah, but it is true that it's become, like the rest of my past, an inspiration and reason and driving force behind seeking tomorrow. Many evolutions of the self have taken place over the years, no doubt many more still lie ahead. Alhamdulillah for every thing that's happened, every experience of both joy and sorrow, that brings me to now.
Hopes remain firm, while outlook and expectations and dreams continue to expand. Something my dad was fond of saying, "life is not a bed of roses". Nope, that it certainly is not. But perhaps we can use the prick of its thorns for our benefit, to be always reminded of Allah's favors and our need for Him. Realizing this, truly, the horizons are limitless.
The 85th
Alhamdulillah another Eid nearly done. As the groundwork continues to be laid for tomorrow, looking towards akhirah, pieces of the intermediate puzzle seem to fall into place. A chance to help out a friend arises, correlating with the possibility of progress in worldly affairs. Rare are these kinds of opportunities where one can save two birds with one stone. inshaAllah it turns out well and remains ever in earnest for His sake.
This also happens to be post #85, marking the most I've ever written in any single year. 2006 will never be forgotten, bi ithniAllah, but it is true that it's become, like the rest of my past, an inspiration and reason and driving force behind seeking tomorrow. Many evolutions of the self have taken place over the years, no doubt many more still lie ahead. Alhamdulillah for every thing that's happened, every experience of both joy and sorrow, that brings me to now.
Hopes remain firm, while outlook and expectations and dreams continue to expand. Something my dad was fond of saying, "life is not a bed of roses". Nope, that it certainly is not. But perhaps we can use the prick of its thorns for our benefit, to be always reminded of Allah's favors and our need for Him. Realizing this, truly, the horizons are limitless.
8.28.2017
- in the name of Allah -
The Balcony
It wasn't a long walk at all, as it turned out. Before, she might have just imagined being there and so there is where she'd be. But this time, on this occasion, it was a desire to appreciate the sights, take in the ambiance, and enjoy the easy silence of a simple stroll that propelled her forward.
If she wished, there were any number of different things she could do. In such a place as she lived, there was never a shortage of people to see, places to visit, knowledge to learn. Still, none could fault her for this detour, for time itself was ever-present. It never flew, it never ran away, but always it was there in abundance. She could breathe and savor any moment she chose, without a trace of regret or second of wishing for something else. This part of it never ceased to amaze. How often had she wanted things, a diverse array of whims, of clothes or jewels or company or anything else in her past life. While past absences could be recalled, their memory was no longer tainted by sadness or longing. For in a place such as this, blessings awaited her around every corner, inside of every breath, waiting to fulfill her coming wish.
What a considerable amount of thinking for such a short walk, she mused, perhaps he was rubbing off on her after all. Unbeckoned a smile and the warmth of recollection suffused her face, just as around the next corner her destination arrived: the Balcony. This was perhaps her favorite vantage point of this palace, where lush valleys and preserves of nature could be seen beneath a canopy of clouds bellowing in gentle breeze. Marvel upon marvel to behold, the sight of it all left her breathless and leaning on the railing of polished marble. She pondered, not for the first time, of the journey they'd taken to reach this place. Of hopes and expectations flip-flopped on their head, of roads she'd never imagined taking, of a time in her life she hadn't wished to leave. But then, she knew now that had that time turned out as they wanted it to, it wouldn't have led them here. There were multitudes of wisdom hidden in that parting, of a temporary divergence whose purpose was to be unified here.
In moments like these, there was one prominent thought that came to mind, something she loved to say more than anything else: "Alhamdulillah ya Rabb for guiding us to this place and keeping us whole and safe". She knew there were infinite other reasons that served for her gratitude to Allah, but perhaps this one she held closest to her heart. A second later after she'd spoken, a white dove with exquisitely plumed feathers floated to her shoulder. She beamed yet again; this, this she would never tire of, the sheer beauty and perfection in everything. As if having the same thought, her dove nodded sagely.
--<@
The Balcony
It wasn't a long walk at all, as it turned out. Before, she might have just imagined being there and so there is where she'd be. But this time, on this occasion, it was a desire to appreciate the sights, take in the ambiance, and enjoy the easy silence of a simple stroll that propelled her forward.
If she wished, there were any number of different things she could do. In such a place as she lived, there was never a shortage of people to see, places to visit, knowledge to learn. Still, none could fault her for this detour, for time itself was ever-present. It never flew, it never ran away, but always it was there in abundance. She could breathe and savor any moment she chose, without a trace of regret or second of wishing for something else. This part of it never ceased to amaze. How often had she wanted things, a diverse array of whims, of clothes or jewels or company or anything else in her past life. While past absences could be recalled, their memory was no longer tainted by sadness or longing. For in a place such as this, blessings awaited her around every corner, inside of every breath, waiting to fulfill her coming wish.
What a considerable amount of thinking for such a short walk, she mused, perhaps he was rubbing off on her after all. Unbeckoned a smile and the warmth of recollection suffused her face, just as around the next corner her destination arrived: the Balcony. This was perhaps her favorite vantage point of this palace, where lush valleys and preserves of nature could be seen beneath a canopy of clouds bellowing in gentle breeze. Marvel upon marvel to behold, the sight of it all left her breathless and leaning on the railing of polished marble. She pondered, not for the first time, of the journey they'd taken to reach this place. Of hopes and expectations flip-flopped on their head, of roads she'd never imagined taking, of a time in her life she hadn't wished to leave. But then, she knew now that had that time turned out as they wanted it to, it wouldn't have led them here. There were multitudes of wisdom hidden in that parting, of a temporary divergence whose purpose was to be unified here.
In moments like these, there was one prominent thought that came to mind, something she loved to say more than anything else: "Alhamdulillah ya Rabb for guiding us to this place and keeping us whole and safe". She knew there were infinite other reasons that served for her gratitude to Allah, but perhaps this one she held closest to her heart. A second later after she'd spoken, a white dove with exquisitely plumed feathers floated to her shoulder. She beamed yet again; this, this she would never tire of, the sheer beauty and perfection in everything. As if having the same thought, her dove nodded sagely.
--<@
8.27.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Alhamdulillah for the smiles you make, that lunar brightness reflecting internally what's settled and content; here's to the peace of Forever, here's to tomorrow, here's to a path leading to Allah's pleasure as we return to Him all we've borrowed.
Sometimes it's as if memories are enclosed in glass, neither feeling in them nor vulnerable to the elements from the present or past, but rather preserved as pearls whose true light is still to be unveiled.
Perhaps in this moment I find in myself no wishes, for none with me remain, all sent forth to my Rabb, like planted seedlings that He may raise. His is the earth, the sun, the rain; for me but to sow what good I can and return to dust from whence I came.
Alhamdulillah for the smiles you make, that lunar brightness reflecting internally what's settled and content; here's to the peace of Forever, here's to tomorrow, here's to a path leading to Allah's pleasure as we return to Him all we've borrowed.
Sometimes it's as if memories are enclosed in glass, neither feeling in them nor vulnerable to the elements from the present or past, but rather preserved as pearls whose true light is still to be unveiled.
Perhaps in this moment I find in myself no wishes, for none with me remain, all sent forth to my Rabb, like planted seedlings that He may raise. His is the earth, the sun, the rain; for me but to sow what good I can and return to dust from whence I came.
8.22.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Longing for the days we'll live and never die, when tongues inflict only gratitude and joy instead of parodies and lies. I wish I could write words as they deserve, so that they might travel around any bend or corner or curve, seeking out like homing beacons, the heart's destined destinations without obstacle or reserve. sometimes all I seem to carry are undercurrents of lamentation, though I've every reason for every second in every season to be grateful of blessings and sanctity given form and essence perpetually purchased without loan or loss of meanings; for it is my body and soul that my Rabb has always owned, so what if I must trade away what was never mine in whole to He who gave it life and made it grow? I'll gladly exchange with my Creator these finite days of being spiritually imprisoned so I might savor post-Resurrection by His mercy and favor, surrounded indefinitely and in perpetuity by everything of perfection in beauty.
my call for any and all like-minded souls who find this plane a restless and bountiless abode: keep Allah closest, moreso than clothes or jewels or medicines ingested for varieties of purpose, cherish His remembrance like it has no semblance, whether imagined or to physical presence, beg His guidance more humbly than the penniless for with it comes the open road to every single matter of worth and goodness.
if everything I ever said fell on deaf ears besides what's currently read, I'd implore my beloved and believing just to give Allah His due: in everything we are, and of everything we do.
Longing for the days we'll live and never die, when tongues inflict only gratitude and joy instead of parodies and lies. I wish I could write words as they deserve, so that they might travel around any bend or corner or curve, seeking out like homing beacons, the heart's destined destinations without obstacle or reserve. sometimes all I seem to carry are undercurrents of lamentation, though I've every reason for every second in every season to be grateful of blessings and sanctity given form and essence perpetually purchased without loan or loss of meanings; for it is my body and soul that my Rabb has always owned, so what if I must trade away what was never mine in whole to He who gave it life and made it grow? I'll gladly exchange with my Creator these finite days of being spiritually imprisoned so I might savor post-Resurrection by His mercy and favor, surrounded indefinitely and in perpetuity by everything of perfection in beauty.
my call for any and all like-minded souls who find this plane a restless and bountiless abode: keep Allah closest, moreso than clothes or jewels or medicines ingested for varieties of purpose, cherish His remembrance like it has no semblance, whether imagined or to physical presence, beg His guidance more humbly than the penniless for with it comes the open road to every single matter of worth and goodness.
if everything I ever said fell on deaf ears besides what's currently read, I'd implore my beloved and believing just to give Allah His due: in everything we are, and of everything we do.
8.19.2017
- in the name of Allah -
___
From Assassin's Quest, 3rd book in the Farseer Trilogy:
"You've changed," I managed to say.
"Have I? I imagine I have. How could I not have changed? I thought you dead, and all my life for naught. Then now, this moment, to be given back both you and my life's purpose ... I opened my eyes to you and thought my heart would stop, that madness had finally claimed me. Then you spoke my name. Changed, you say? More than you can imagine, as much as you have plainly changed yourself. This night, I hardly know myself."
___
Somehow, I can recall a few moments like this in life. Hard to describe the meaning in them without ending up babbling or rambling or otherwise seeming touched by madness myself, but they were momentous. Doubtless all of those times are just reminders from Allah keeping me afloat through difficulty. I survived nothing except that He was my aid, fell into nothing but that He pulled me out of it, found no door to good save that He willed it open. People who don't appreciate God simply don't grasp His favors, don't see into the wisdom that surrounds their daily lives. Life is just a series of tests to see who retains gratitude and humility before his Creator after those trials. Submission to anything besides Allah is humiliation and degradation, while submission to Him surpasses the beauty and depth of the universe itself.
___
From Assassin's Quest, 3rd book in the Farseer Trilogy:
"You've changed," I managed to say.
"Have I? I imagine I have. How could I not have changed? I thought you dead, and all my life for naught. Then now, this moment, to be given back both you and my life's purpose ... I opened my eyes to you and thought my heart would stop, that madness had finally claimed me. Then you spoke my name. Changed, you say? More than you can imagine, as much as you have plainly changed yourself. This night, I hardly know myself."
___
Somehow, I can recall a few moments like this in life. Hard to describe the meaning in them without ending up babbling or rambling or otherwise seeming touched by madness myself, but they were momentous. Doubtless all of those times are just reminders from Allah keeping me afloat through difficulty. I survived nothing except that He was my aid, fell into nothing but that He pulled me out of it, found no door to good save that He willed it open. People who don't appreciate God simply don't grasp His favors, don't see into the wisdom that surrounds their daily lives. Life is just a series of tests to see who retains gratitude and humility before his Creator after those trials. Submission to anything besides Allah is humiliation and degradation, while submission to Him surpasses the beauty and depth of the universe itself.
8.15.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Second day back at work, alhamdulillah it feels nice returning to a sense of normalcy. Also today, heard from an old friend that I hadn't spoken with in maybe 10 years. He'd moved to Cali after studying few years overseas, settled down there with wife and two kids. MashaAllah, good to be reacquainted.
Otherwise had a few interesting dreams of the night before. In one, I'm dining with someone somewhere (felt like it was a particular someone, but then most dreams of mine with people seem particular-inclined), discussing fairly standard topics for me: the pain and price of waiting, outlook, perspectives, etc. All the while this is being talked about, I recall myself meticulously moving food (butter chicken) around with my spoon/fork, like to certain sides of the platter. Delicious but ?_? Still it was quite serene and generally uplifting alh, though I wish I could have remembered if she said anything. In the other dream, I'm on this sort of ship or race course, competing with random people I don't recall, there's a bunch of sharp twists and turns like in a maze, and somehow I'm at the forefront. While I'm racing there's a conversation going on in my mind about something I built in the past and one part of me (or someone else) is wondering why my first spaceship hasn't been revisited, why the current one is taking so long to build. For some reason, the word 'spacey' comes to mind, some hunch that I'm building for the future.
Nothing really out-there, most of it I can place into personal context quite easily alh. As for the things I cannot, here's to hoping they're pleasant and longed-for surprises iA 🌹
Second day back at work, alhamdulillah it feels nice returning to a sense of normalcy. Also today, heard from an old friend that I hadn't spoken with in maybe 10 years. He'd moved to Cali after studying few years overseas, settled down there with wife and two kids. MashaAllah, good to be reacquainted.
Otherwise had a few interesting dreams of the night before. In one, I'm dining with someone somewhere (felt like it was a particular someone, but then most dreams of mine with people seem particular-inclined), discussing fairly standard topics for me: the pain and price of waiting, outlook, perspectives, etc. All the while this is being talked about, I recall myself meticulously moving food (butter chicken) around with my spoon/fork, like to certain sides of the platter. Delicious but ?_? Still it was quite serene and generally uplifting alh, though I wish I could have remembered if she said anything. In the other dream, I'm on this sort of ship or race course, competing with random people I don't recall, there's a bunch of sharp twists and turns like in a maze, and somehow I'm at the forefront. While I'm racing there's a conversation going on in my mind about something I built in the past and one part of me (or someone else) is wondering why my first spaceship hasn't been revisited, why the current one is taking so long to build. For some reason, the word 'spacey' comes to mind, some hunch that I'm building for the future.
Nothing really out-there, most of it I can place into personal context quite easily alh. As for the things I cannot, here's to hoping they're pleasant and longed-for surprises iA 🌹
8.12.2017
- in the name of Allah -
-
If life were a pair of scissors, with reality its blade,
then long have I been ribbons.
Freely flowing, untethered to this worldly plane,
just holding on to what I'm given.
-
Read over again, words with meaning laden,
alas were they a bowl of soup.
That I might find your presence a spoonful haven,
ready to fill stomach & sadness too.
-
I'm a Fool, but yet pray your smile always stays,
undaunted by joys to come.
For though I might glimpse tomorrow's tune,
its melody is born in the good today we've done.
-
If life were a pair of scissors, with reality its blade,
then long have I been ribbons.
Freely flowing, untethered to this worldly plane,
just holding on to what I'm given.
-
Read over again, words with meaning laden,
alas were they a bowl of soup.
That I might find your presence a spoonful haven,
ready to fill stomach & sadness too.
-
I'm a Fool, but yet pray your smile always stays,
undaunted by joys to come.
For though I might glimpse tomorrow's tune,
its melody is born in the good today we've done.
8.10.2017
- in the name of Allah -
"I knew the wisdom of Patience's course, but wisdom does not allay loneliness."
- The Royal Assassin, Farseer Trilogy
In all contexts, I find this is true.
However, while wisdom may not allay loneliness, it does provide clues as to how best find the path that would resolve it. Life here was never meant or intended to be a cure for people, just a part of the journey we have to take. Like all travellers, take what you need from it and leave whatever isn't worth carrying. So that when we find our end, we have with us at least some most treasured deeds to show our Creator, perhaps found worthy of His mercy.
"I knew the wisdom of Patience's course, but wisdom does not allay loneliness."
- The Royal Assassin, Farseer Trilogy
In all contexts, I find this is true.
However, while wisdom may not allay loneliness, it does provide clues as to how best find the path that would resolve it. Life here was never meant or intended to be a cure for people, just a part of the journey we have to take. Like all travellers, take what you need from it and leave whatever isn't worth carrying. So that when we find our end, we have with us at least some most treasured deeds to show our Creator, perhaps found worthy of His mercy.
8.06.2017
- in the name of Allah -
alas for the heart that can always bleed, alas for the ducts that never dry, some things are fated indeed, even if then we never understood the why.
my pens have not run out of ink, the soul has yet to bequeath the ocean all its waves, enough time still for me to breathe, ruminate how to be His truer slave.
without question or doubt the color is red, in the veins from before I was born, till long after the body is dead, awaiting when we're joined instead.
as one stalwart support I've now lost, these hopes remain my wings, to keep afloat with what only Allah gives, to survive this journey despite its cost.
my end, oh Rabb, bring it near, make me not walk this road too long, that I ever approach again despair, nor make anguish again a lasting song.
my dream, oh Rabb, is only Yours to keep, You Who gave it life, You Who made it purely gleam; of all others am I bereft, so to You only do I plead: plant it firm, growing underneath the Shade of Your Throne, native to the Seventh in origin and form, guarded always by Ar-Rahmanir-Rahim, Ameen.
alas for the heart that can always bleed, alas for the ducts that never dry, some things are fated indeed, even if then we never understood the why.
my pens have not run out of ink, the soul has yet to bequeath the ocean all its waves, enough time still for me to breathe, ruminate how to be His truer slave.
without question or doubt the color is red, in the veins from before I was born, till long after the body is dead, awaiting when we're joined instead.
as one stalwart support I've now lost, these hopes remain my wings, to keep afloat with what only Allah gives, to survive this journey despite its cost.
my end, oh Rabb, bring it near, make me not walk this road too long, that I ever approach again despair, nor make anguish again a lasting song.
my dream, oh Rabb, is only Yours to keep, You Who gave it life, You Who made it purely gleam; of all others am I bereft, so to You only do I plead: plant it firm, growing underneath the Shade of Your Throne, native to the Seventh in origin and form, guarded always by Ar-Rahmanir-Rahim, Ameen.
8.03.2017
- in the name of Allah -
immaterial
no way to describe this hole that was once always filled, words of 'condolences' and words in general, of even less substance than previously imaginable. there is no voice for me to utter, no way to encapsulate, the meaning or measure of a man, who lived before I'd been conceived by fate. rarely liked, loved always, a fortress against the winds of life, his was a hand more likely to strike in punishment than with tenderness hold, such was the way of one who'd lost his mother early on long before he'd grown. of flaws and faults, layers of subjective insufficiency, I could go on, but all of those now matter naught, the earth of his grave is now his home. what lingers on, his legacy in my veins, blood I never asked for but given by my Rabb all the same, that I might perchance take heed of lessons once let slip through fingers into sands of time now vanished, to build on the good he had, not repeat his mistakes, to diffuse the anger, mellow suspicion, and pour blissfully cold water over hate, letting fall away the grudges his generation so easily made.
I am the me of always, one who lives, who loves, who remains, seemingly till dunya itself grinds away all our better ambitions to dust with its ever luring gaze. at times my aim seems too high, too grandiose, spectral imaginings by a ghost yet mortal of longing utterly beyond his scope: of places quite near to the Throne, of palaces for queenly Beacons and hands of peerless Hoors for mine to hold, of such company in knowledge and purity and truth, as nearly shames me to compare my love to what they do, but it is so: such are they who encompass the best of humanity, who take my ideals to their fullest, giving breadth of meaning meant by being Allah's best of creation.
I long for that place, knowing well I am less than pauper for the price it needs paid, that the sum of all my life's deeds could by one hour of those elevated be met or exceeded, that I am not even the wolf howling at the moon's reflection in a lake whose depth I cannot begin to fathom; that place so vast in its beauty and essence, a thousand lifetimes of mine would not suffice to build a bridge worthy of its entrance. so why would a lowly slave long for such a Home when he's barely worth the shelter of a cave? it is: because his soul mines in those caverns diamonds he's never seen but by their dust their brilliance he's known; because the light inside him, now condensed where once it scattered, pulls with a force towards its ilk that nothing on this earth can measure or mold or fracture; because though he knows not how he'll find death, the mercy of his Rabb shelters all his hopes, and so with Him are they all gathered.
immaterial
no way to describe this hole that was once always filled, words of 'condolences' and words in general, of even less substance than previously imaginable. there is no voice for me to utter, no way to encapsulate, the meaning or measure of a man, who lived before I'd been conceived by fate. rarely liked, loved always, a fortress against the winds of life, his was a hand more likely to strike in punishment than with tenderness hold, such was the way of one who'd lost his mother early on long before he'd grown. of flaws and faults, layers of subjective insufficiency, I could go on, but all of those now matter naught, the earth of his grave is now his home. what lingers on, his legacy in my veins, blood I never asked for but given by my Rabb all the same, that I might perchance take heed of lessons once let slip through fingers into sands of time now vanished, to build on the good he had, not repeat his mistakes, to diffuse the anger, mellow suspicion, and pour blissfully cold water over hate, letting fall away the grudges his generation so easily made.
I am the me of always, one who lives, who loves, who remains, seemingly till dunya itself grinds away all our better ambitions to dust with its ever luring gaze. at times my aim seems too high, too grandiose, spectral imaginings by a ghost yet mortal of longing utterly beyond his scope: of places quite near to the Throne, of palaces for queenly Beacons and hands of peerless Hoors for mine to hold, of such company in knowledge and purity and truth, as nearly shames me to compare my love to what they do, but it is so: such are they who encompass the best of humanity, who take my ideals to their fullest, giving breadth of meaning meant by being Allah's best of creation.
I long for that place, knowing well I am less than pauper for the price it needs paid, that the sum of all my life's deeds could by one hour of those elevated be met or exceeded, that I am not even the wolf howling at the moon's reflection in a lake whose depth I cannot begin to fathom; that place so vast in its beauty and essence, a thousand lifetimes of mine would not suffice to build a bridge worthy of its entrance. so why would a lowly slave long for such a Home when he's barely worth the shelter of a cave? it is: because his soul mines in those caverns diamonds he's never seen but by their dust their brilliance he's known; because the light inside him, now condensed where once it scattered, pulls with a force towards its ilk that nothing on this earth can measure or mold or fracture; because though he knows not how he'll find death, the mercy of his Rabb shelters all his hopes, and so with Him are they all gathered.
8.01.2017
- in the name of Allah -
[wrote much of this a few days ago, maybe Saturday, did not foresee the irony of being physically near my dad's actual tombstone so soon. such is the Qadr of Allah, He does as He wills.]
written on the tombstone of my soul:
'in this life was he never whole,
parted like the seas he'd never seen,
a command to Be, and it split in twain,
away went the half, which was not his own;
so the rest of time which to him remained,
he sought to reunite the rhine- with its -stone,
planting in patience the seeds of pain, slowly grown,
that from their embers, roots might spring forth,
to reach at last the comfort of a long-lost Home;
all he ever felt, all he ever wrote,
were but reminders from his Rabb,
signs and blessings, remembrance to be kept close.
life would bring its tragedies, would pour forth its sorrow,
like a cloud releasing burdens, upon a field grown sallow,
so this ground, his soul, might soak up all the rain,
yet still choose to submit to Him, for He was both the means,
and the Aim.'
[wrote much of this a few days ago, maybe Saturday, did not foresee the irony of being physically near my dad's actual tombstone so soon. such is the Qadr of Allah, He does as He wills.]
written on the tombstone of my soul:
'in this life was he never whole,
parted like the seas he'd never seen,
a command to Be, and it split in twain,
away went the half, which was not his own;
so the rest of time which to him remained,
he sought to reunite the rhine- with its -stone,
planting in patience the seeds of pain, slowly grown,
that from their embers, roots might spring forth,
to reach at last the comfort of a long-lost Home;
all he ever felt, all he ever wrote,
were but reminders from his Rabb,
signs and blessings, remembrance to be kept close.
life would bring its tragedies, would pour forth its sorrow,
like a cloud releasing burdens, upon a field grown sallow,
so this ground, his soul, might soak up all the rain,
yet still choose to submit to Him, for He was both the means,
and the Aim.'
7.30.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Earlier today, dad passed away - inna lilAllahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un. It was coming for quite some time, like how cancer typically does.
Don't see the moment being any easier, though I'd long accepted its inevitability. Death comes for every human being, there's no escaping it, no denying it. Even if a person can deny resurrection or Judgment or anything else, there is no denial of death. It's the final equalizer between all living beings on this earth.
Alas that he got to see the haq before I do, became acquainted with the ghaib before me. May Allah forgive him all of his sins, make his grave an easy and spacious resting place, and save him from An-Naar, ameen.
Earlier today, dad passed away - inna lilAllahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un. It was coming for quite some time, like how cancer typically does.
Don't see the moment being any easier, though I'd long accepted its inevitability. Death comes for every human being, there's no escaping it, no denying it. Even if a person can deny resurrection or Judgment or anything else, there is no denial of death. It's the final equalizer between all living beings on this earth.
Alas that he got to see the haq before I do, became acquainted with the ghaib before me. May Allah forgive him all of his sins, make his grave an easy and spacious resting place, and save him from An-Naar, ameen.
7.26.2017
- in the name of Allah -
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-40731035
One of the most disgusting things I've ever read in Pakistan/South Asian news. Ordering rape in response to a rape? An absolute lack of justice delivered by a local council which defeats the purpose of its own existence. This has NO PLACE anywhere, let alone in a country claiming Islam as its religion.
Let every Muslim alive know that a non-Muslim who does justice is BETTER than a Muslim who does injustice, your religion does not make you immune from accountability!
May Allah ease the suffering of the victims at the hands of their ignorant misguided oppressors, and lead them to a way out of this darkness, ameen.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-40731035
One of the most disgusting things I've ever read in Pakistan/South Asian news. Ordering rape in response to a rape? An absolute lack of justice delivered by a local council which defeats the purpose of its own existence. This has NO PLACE anywhere, let alone in a country claiming Islam as its religion.
Let every Muslim alive know that a non-Muslim who does justice is BETTER than a Muslim who does injustice, your religion does not make you immune from accountability!
May Allah ease the suffering of the victims at the hands of their ignorant misguided oppressors, and lead them to a way out of this darkness, ameen.
7.22.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Alhamdulillah, met an old friend from decades ago today, see if something worthwhile can be built from this reconnection. We'd drifted apart, though to me it felt like whenever we met over the years none of the time or distance mattered, could just be me and expect him to be him. Turns out I was incorrect, he didn't hold the same classification anymore, mainly because for him people had to stay in touch and be there for when things happen in life that enables him to unreservedly say, yeah we're close. Can't say that perspective is wrong, it is true for him and maybe most people. While I have a number of bridges needing this rebuild attempt, this will be first iA. Laying out on the table all of one's cards isn't always the best of ideas, but I've never been a gambler and I despise the duplicity required for it. This simply is just another part of me, to approach people as completely as I can, and if that acceptance and resonance is found, then alhamdulillah and may it be a source of khair; if not, then it's the qadr of Allah and He does as He wills, though there is a lament for every lost mirror that cannot be reclaimed.
Alhamdulillah, met an old friend from decades ago today, see if something worthwhile can be built from this reconnection. We'd drifted apart, though to me it felt like whenever we met over the years none of the time or distance mattered, could just be me and expect him to be him. Turns out I was incorrect, he didn't hold the same classification anymore, mainly because for him people had to stay in touch and be there for when things happen in life that enables him to unreservedly say, yeah we're close. Can't say that perspective is wrong, it is true for him and maybe most people. While I have a number of bridges needing this rebuild attempt, this will be first iA. Laying out on the table all of one's cards isn't always the best of ideas, but I've never been a gambler and I despise the duplicity required for it. This simply is just another part of me, to approach people as completely as I can, and if that acceptance and resonance is found, then alhamdulillah and may it be a source of khair; if not, then it's the qadr of Allah and He does as He wills, though there is a lament for every lost mirror that cannot be reclaimed.
7.20.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Avian - [trying to] Fly On
every bird is born with two wings, he doesn't know it growing up, but whether flesh or figurative, they both carry immensity in blessings. whether two parents or two beacons, both illuminating the road in life with love unconditional and eternal, creating a longing and absence when they seem to the bird to be even a shade less bright or in dusk slightly dimming. without question, one's parents must pass, so too will beacons fade from sight of the eyes, making endless seem the darkness rising from an ever-lightless sky.
nearly blind, a moment before his path lit but now drowning in the pitch black unknown, eyes are open but he swears they're closed. pleas disguised as shrill screams pour forth from a throat not able to handle what being a mortal means: tried and tested beyond all notions of wholeness or partial acceptance, with warning of Hell below this bridge for ones unrepentant, but just outside of hearing, a call to Heaven at the other side, angels standing in welcome for the persevering, leading to treasures perfectly selected and unfathomed by human minds.
this bird can't recall all of the favors, effortlessly showered on his soul by his Creator, scattered across all his life like pearls largely unopened and preserved, without trademarks but all inherent with reminders of what's owed to his Maker: every mention of praise and shukr; if He hadn't placed in him this wish, to reach for all these heavenly doors, grand palaces surrounding by bliss, some leading to company elect, and many to heavenly Hoors,...then maybe he'd have become Icarus, flying higher towards worldly whim and worldly desire, noticing all too late his two wings had melted, the fall prepared for him only Fire.
Avian - [trying to] Fly On
every bird is born with two wings, he doesn't know it growing up, but whether flesh or figurative, they both carry immensity in blessings. whether two parents or two beacons, both illuminating the road in life with love unconditional and eternal, creating a longing and absence when they seem to the bird to be even a shade less bright or in dusk slightly dimming. without question, one's parents must pass, so too will beacons fade from sight of the eyes, making endless seem the darkness rising from an ever-lightless sky.
nearly blind, a moment before his path lit but now drowning in the pitch black unknown, eyes are open but he swears they're closed. pleas disguised as shrill screams pour forth from a throat not able to handle what being a mortal means: tried and tested beyond all notions of wholeness or partial acceptance, with warning of Hell below this bridge for ones unrepentant, but just outside of hearing, a call to Heaven at the other side, angels standing in welcome for the persevering, leading to treasures perfectly selected and unfathomed by human minds.
this bird can't recall all of the favors, effortlessly showered on his soul by his Creator, scattered across all his life like pearls largely unopened and preserved, without trademarks but all inherent with reminders of what's owed to his Maker: every mention of praise and shukr; if He hadn't placed in him this wish, to reach for all these heavenly doors, grand palaces surrounding by bliss, some leading to company elect, and many to heavenly Hoors,...then maybe he'd have become Icarus, flying higher towards worldly whim and worldly desire, noticing all too late his two wings had melted, the fall prepared for him only Fire.
7.10.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Random musing from today:
If the world didn't have pain, would people ever want to leave it? Would they ever feel the need to strive for anything better?
~
I figure this is one of the hidden wisdoms of the difficulties in life and how the pain from them gives human beings constant motivation for something better. Of course we try to alleviate these things in our worldly affairs if we can, take a pill here or use a band-aid there, and even if we cannot help stopping it, we still feel a need to be removed from it, to find a place of safety and freedom from worry.
There isn't a better end or recourse for one who follows and feels this train of thought, than to want and work for Jannah. Allah made it a place that would be wanted, a reward for the ones who sought His pleasure over their own in this existence. Alas that I am human and the permanence of this state yet eludes me, but alhamdulillah infinitely-fold that moments can be found where this knowledge is appreciated and endeavored.
Random musing from today:
If the world didn't have pain, would people ever want to leave it? Would they ever feel the need to strive for anything better?
~
I figure this is one of the hidden wisdoms of the difficulties in life and how the pain from them gives human beings constant motivation for something better. Of course we try to alleviate these things in our worldly affairs if we can, take a pill here or use a band-aid there, and even if we cannot help stopping it, we still feel a need to be removed from it, to find a place of safety and freedom from worry.
There isn't a better end or recourse for one who follows and feels this train of thought, than to want and work for Jannah. Allah made it a place that would be wanted, a reward for the ones who sought His pleasure over their own in this existence. Alas that I am human and the permanence of this state yet eludes me, but alhamdulillah infinitely-fold that moments can be found where this knowledge is appreciated and endeavored.
7.09.2017
- in the name of Allah -
may never see the next sunrise, may never watch again the tides roll in, life is for none of us guaranteed, so we keep onward struggling.
how great is the irony, of one who loves to find wisdom everywhere he goes, yet is perhaps the greatest fool, this world has ever seen or known? in how many shades can he paint, with how many letters various lines compose, until his repetition fails to find in other hearts, the intent he sought of repose?
oh Allah, life appears so shallow, such a superficial plane, that when I take a step and think the stair is close, I stumble and lose what I'd gained in a single stroke. by Your sight ever-piercing, by Your might ever-matchless, how can I communicate with those beloved, when all I say seems jumbled madness? I cannot begrudge this moment You give me, to recollect in isolation, thoughts of remembrance and reflection, but oh Allah, I am one dying of thirst while seeking drink from another's soul, with just words that cannot stand alone.
oh Allah, I beg You for a fountain that never dries, to whom I can give, at least as much as she provides, so that we two contrasting peaks, despite the distances, might together off that same ledge leap.
Ameen
may never see the next sunrise, may never watch again the tides roll in, life is for none of us guaranteed, so we keep onward struggling.
how great is the irony, of one who loves to find wisdom everywhere he goes, yet is perhaps the greatest fool, this world has ever seen or known? in how many shades can he paint, with how many letters various lines compose, until his repetition fails to find in other hearts, the intent he sought of repose?
oh Allah, life appears so shallow, such a superficial plane, that when I take a step and think the stair is close, I stumble and lose what I'd gained in a single stroke. by Your sight ever-piercing, by Your might ever-matchless, how can I communicate with those beloved, when all I say seems jumbled madness? I cannot begrudge this moment You give me, to recollect in isolation, thoughts of remembrance and reflection, but oh Allah, I am one dying of thirst while seeking drink from another's soul, with just words that cannot stand alone.
oh Allah, I beg You for a fountain that never dries, to whom I can give, at least as much as she provides, so that we two contrasting peaks, despite the distances, might together off that same ledge leap.
Ameen
7.06.2017
- in the name of Allah -
If all I ever composed, were but reasons to survive, then I'd guess my purpose might just be enough, to make our way through the narrow tunnels of this life.
Darkness stole no light, forever in her eyes it remains, because Allah made the rods and cones, and the souls which shine in place.
There are no reasons left to swallow fear, or soothe her mind with lies, Truth is all there ever was, for His slaves it's all there is to find.
And of the truth is this, that an end with Him is what I seek, so I might find His ridwaan and Gifts, alongside our homes with rivers underneath.
If all I ever composed, were but reasons to survive, then I'd guess my purpose might just be enough, to make our way through the narrow tunnels of this life.
Darkness stole no light, forever in her eyes it remains, because Allah made the rods and cones, and the souls which shine in place.
There are no reasons left to swallow fear, or soothe her mind with lies, Truth is all there ever was, for His slaves it's all there is to find.
And of the truth is this, that an end with Him is what I seek, so I might find His ridwaan and Gifts, alongside our homes with rivers underneath.
7.02.2017
- in the name of Allah -
Someone once asked the Prophet (saw) why he made istighfaar so often, when Allah already forgave him all of his sins. His (saw) reply was that should he not be a grateful slave to Allah.
I didn't pick up on this point till not that long ago, but the immediate and direct connection is made in his (saw) answer, linking seeking forgiveness from Allah as being equivalent to being grateful to Him. Note these are two distinct concepts. Gratitude is typically "thank you", not "forgive me". But in our relationship to Allah, all the good we do, especially the essential part of always seeking repentance, counts for us as being grateful slaves to Allah. Connecting these dots didn't click at first, but eventually the realization comes that in seeking Allah's forgiveness there is acknowledgement of one's flaws and a statement of one's constant need of Allah's help, in all aspects of life. The best way an 'abd of Allah claims his status as such is recognizing and continually making istighfaar, a kind of side course into shukr which I find amazing mA, as the obvious methods would be saying alhamdulillah, subhanAllah, etc.
Someone once asked the Prophet (saw) why he made istighfaar so often, when Allah already forgave him all of his sins. His (saw) reply was that should he not be a grateful slave to Allah.
I didn't pick up on this point till not that long ago, but the immediate and direct connection is made in his (saw) answer, linking seeking forgiveness from Allah as being equivalent to being grateful to Him. Note these are two distinct concepts. Gratitude is typically "thank you", not "forgive me". But in our relationship to Allah, all the good we do, especially the essential part of always seeking repentance, counts for us as being grateful slaves to Allah. Connecting these dots didn't click at first, but eventually the realization comes that in seeking Allah's forgiveness there is acknowledgement of one's flaws and a statement of one's constant need of Allah's help, in all aspects of life. The best way an 'abd of Allah claims his status as such is recognizing and continually making istighfaar, a kind of side course into shukr which I find amazing mA, as the obvious methods would be saying alhamdulillah, subhanAllah, etc.