بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

strange times, holidays. people shop and shop, find it so easy to talk endlessly about the (material) things they want or need, how a sale is going on or this or that, and while I can (alhamdulillah) stay mostly engaged while listening and giving my opinion...most of me continually wonders at the gulf between the world and I. is it just me, or do people forget that the material will fade? even as I can enjoy my recent evolution of being one who wants to do more for others, I can't muster any real desire to want "stuff" for me. I value nice things, quality things that serve function and have some reasonable aesthetic, being an idealist I'd never overlook these aspects. But...I find that I can't keep on buying and buying for my own self. I don't "need" anything material, alhamdulillah for my Rabb's endless blessings. Then I see people who still manage to find needs in the middle of having plenty, this ends up being so hard to digest. 

Even though this paints a picture of someone feeling on the outside looking in, that's not what it is. As my evolutions show, somehow I find that I can coexist in various situations where the main topic of conversation is unending materialness (not materialism, this isn't really a complaint or critique of people wanting or loving material things too much). It's simply difficult for me to relate (and keep on relating) to people when they can look at physical objects and find in them something that might fulfill a part of their life that they find lacking. 

I compare this to myself, he who is constantly looking for the immaterial, and while my beloved would technically be deemed as part of the physical, it is always what they represent and mean to me that makes the touch or hope of a touch truly worthwhile. Like how most people look for physical objects to fill their shelves or closets, I look for memoirs and memories and means of securing that Future of mine that I long for. What good is any of the physical plane if it does not link us to something more? Of what fathomable good can it be if an object doesn't remind us of what we are inside, or what we hope to become? 

Forgive me, oh people of this life, I fear that one day, you and I will have to part. That day, when Death comes to meet me, I hope inshaAllah I have good answers for him, and that perhaps my seeking of what lay beyond that barrier is fulfilled, the best of treasures from my Creator.