Morocco

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 Alhamdulillah, back from the trip and married.

I wondered how to begin this post, but then, for me, remembering my Rabb is the familiar and ever-relevant backdrop to describe this part of my journey in seeking my particular Akhirah.

I am one who loves to understand, to be understood, trying to use words as my clay to shape with artistry part of what is felt, and invariably, I feel a great deal.

Onward, to she who is my wife, whom Allah would establish my connection to. And all the beautifully particular nuances of this latest test. 

I go to a land I've never been, to a people speaking a language I'd never known (darija), to seek the hand of a woman I'd never met before. On the surface, this sounds like the perfect recipe for disaster. But as with pretty much all things concerning me, the surface is just the beginning and there's always more to the tale. 

My trust was, and is, with Allah. It has to be, because there is no one else who can be for me what and who He is. So I endeavored to accept whom He would allow close to me, as my own attempts at finding my provision of this life proved limited and human. Acceptance was not a state I could manage consistently, but instead it turned out to be a sometimes-painful remedy to cure my ignorance of what is not for me to know (which is: what/who is better for me, and all that goes with it). 

Allah chose her for me to find, and the superficial paradoxes don't end with the different land/culture/etc. That is just where they began. She is logical where I am emotional, processes emotions/events extremely fast and doesn't linger on thoughts while I take time to understand them and ponder deeply. She is a carefree spirit at peace with life, and I am one always, underneath, seeking to be free of its influence and considering constantly what consequences may be. 

Again, this seems to look even more grim. How could I resolve all of these superficialities with who I am? Perhaps the answer is in what He allowed me to see in her. Her selflessness and concern for others, a soul free of hubris, earnest nature, willingness to prefer and do for people before herself, these were some of the qualities that I found utterly precious. A person like this does not exist easily or often, and while the test would be considerable in getting to know her, this gift (her name in Arabic literally means, "Gift of Allah".....) is never something to be turned away, always and only can/should it be accepted. 

And so I did.